I’ve been involved in a serious relationship for over a year now. Everything is great except my significant other refuses to attend Mass with me or share in the Church. She has gone to a mass and hated it. She has deep rooted anti-Catholic feelings based on being raised in a Protestant home. How do I introduce her to the church in a way where she can enjoy it and participate? I realize it can be intimidating. How do I lessen that anxiety for her?
Are there any parish activities you could attend where she could meet people - see that Catholics are pretty much normal people? Don’t pressure her into attending Mass, but honestly answer her if she has questions. Right now, the Catholic Church is probably very intimidating to her - it sure doesn’t look anything like a Protestant Church. Keep the conversation light, at her speed. It may be she hated attending because she didn’t understand what was going on. Are you able to watch a Mass on TV? If she would agree, you could explain to her what was going on - even to say comments like, “Oh, that’s different…” from the Mass at my church. At some point, she may want to read a book or talk at depth. Blessings. (and pray for her)
This month, instead of NetFlix do a month of Formed.org
If she is very anti-Catholic, there may simply be no future with her, however give it one chance with the info on Formed. Start with Symbalon or the study about the Eucharist.
Confront her with the fact that she is insulting you personally by not letting go of her anti-Catholic bias. Ask her why you would want to be with someone like that. Would she want to be with someone who scoffs and insults her beliefs? I should hope not.
If it were me, in order for her to stay she would have to be open to my religion. You can’t move on in life with someone who doesn’t respect your religion. Just end it now so you can move on with your life. Everything is “all good” when you’re young, but the older you get the more this stuff matters. You are NOT going to want to spend your life with someone who may not change.
I get our point, but if he says this, there’s going to probably be a big ole fight! There are many things that factor in, such as how long has the issue of religion been talked about? How long ago did she go to one Mass? Probably the most important question - is this a deal breaker for you? Have you been discussing this the entire year you’ve dated? As a convert myself, Catholicism is a whole new world of understanding. I got the impression from your question that you are just now trying to introduce her to Catholicism. It took me several years.
She certainly has not been discouraging me from practicing our faith, I still go and do what I need to do. She does allow her kids to come with to mass which is a step in the right direction. She’s not opposed to having a wedding that is blessed by the Bishop but doesn’t want a Catholic wedding. All this isn’t necessarily a deal breaker for me but it would just be nice to be able to share it together. It is something that I have been open, honest, and discussed about from the start. And it’s not like we’re just a pair of young pups (I’m 39, she’sbeen35)I so we’re both pretty reasonable about things. Doing things during the week with groups is hard. I am on the road usually 70 hrs a week and she works 2nd shift. There is no broadcast on TV of mass (small town of 800 people) and we don’t have cable anyway.
She allows her kids to come to mass? Has she been married before? Is she even available to be married to you because she already has had a valid marriage?
If I was dating someone and found out early on that they had a strong anti-Catholic bias, I wouldn’t pursue a second date. My first date would usually begin by meeting me at mass and going for lunch after. All the affection or distaste of the Church would certainly come out pretty quickly and I could make my decision from there.
The difficult matter is to continue in a relationship, get attached to each other, and then try like you are now, to fit a square peg in a round hole. And she as well.
What foundation are you wanting to build this relationship on? The rock of Christ? or on sandy ground where the wind and waves wash away the house and there is great loss.
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