I have to give some background in order to get your advice on what to do.
Here it is: My MIL and her dh adopted their granddaughter, or her granddaughter. The way they did it was wrong and they lied to the judge about her son, who is a recovering alcoholic and mentally challenged. Anyway, he agreed to allow the adoption if he could visit with his daughter once a month at our housefor it had to be supervised. We were the visitation persons mentioned in the agreement and the place also, our house. Well, since the adoption last summer, my BIL has come to visit his daughter every month that his mother would allow. Some months, she made excuses.
Here is the problem: Lately, my MIL has been making comments that she thinks that visitation will stop soon. She told me personally that she wants her son out of her new adoptive daughter’s life. I told her that she agreed and signed a document, but she never wanted to sign that or agree to it. She only did so because her son would sign it without going to court over the child. Now, she wants him out of the picture completely. His mother hates the fact that he is truck driver and uneducated and immoral. I don’t disagree with her on that, but she signed a paper and so did her dh and the two lawyers involved. There is no signature from the judge. Today, we get a call from his mother and she wants to talk to us with her husband about the visitations. My dh is upset and said that if they try to completely push his brother out of his daughter’s life, he will not allow his mother to see our dd. I said that is blackmail, but he said that is the only way his mother will stop this. I also told him that this will not only hurt his mother, but our dd who loves her grandmother and the man she calls grandpa too.
I don’t know what to do. I want to keep peace in his side of the family, but if they do decide to take the dad out of his little girl’s life, there is going to be war in this family. My dh and I disagreed with the adoption from the beginning. We know that my MIL was the guardians of our niece, but she knew that and knew that some day her son had the right to come back for his child and that is why they took his parental rights away from him. I don’t know if the document my BIL signed and the adoptive parents and the lawyers is binding in court. I think my MIL and her dh have the right to take away visitation and I think that was their plan from the beginning.
I have been present personally for two of the visitations and let me tell you, I didn’t like what I saw. I think that the dad, my BIL did very well with his dd and the visitation went well. I didn’t like the way my MIL’s husband would act around my BIL. He would say things to make it seem that my BIL was not loving to his dd. After the visits, I would get a call later from my MIL and she would make it sound like he was a bad influence on my niece and she is misbehaving and wetting her bed after seeing her dad. I don’t understand why she hates her son so much, but she does. This was her favorite son when I first married my dh and my dh was the one she could not stand for he wanted to be a priest. She is not mentally well either.
Here is word for word what the agreement for relative adoption says, without his name: "John Doe shall have supervised visitation with (child’s name), minimum of one time per month. Visitation shall be supervised by his brother and sister in law. The adoptive father, may also be present during these visits. The parites agree that the adoption will establish an irrevocable parent-child relationship between the adoptive parents and the child, the adoptive parents will retain all rights associated with the relationship, including making all decisions regarding the child’s welfare. Should the child suffer any kind of physical or emotional detriment as a result of the visits with her biological father, and upon documented advice or recommendation of the appropriate professional, a copy of which shall be provided to the biological dad, the adoptive parents may suspend or terminate the visits."
From what this says, I don’t think they can stop visitation unless a professional says that visits with her biological dad is endangering her. Is this how you all understand it?
What would you do if you were in this position? Would you stand up for the BIL or not? I do know that in the last visit this past weekend, my BIL said that his little girl’s dog is ugly. I don’t know if my MIL and her dh think this is damaging to their dd. I don’t know, but I want to be prepared with an answer if they say they will stop visitation.