How to lead better


How does a male head of household become a better catholic leader in the home. I'm afraid I don't know much about how to do this. I guess growing up I didn't have many examples of good catholic men leading families.


Listen to what the woman wants/needs and always try to put that first, if of course that is the right thing to do.

When she wants to talk to you abut something (even if its an issue) do NOT walk away from her. Most men like to throw things to the side and ignore it. That will NOT solve the problem, it will make it worse.

If you want to be a good leader, never leave a problem unsolved. Never walk away from challenges and always put your followers needs first. Love them and respect them. Lead them in the right direction.


A good leader is one who never asks anyone to do something they are not willing to do themselves. Want your kids to go to Mass every Sunday? YOU go to Mass every Sunday. Want your family to become more educated in their faith? YOU go to adult formation classes at the church. Want your family to be active in ministry and serve others? YOU go do those things. In your marriage, while God/Jesus may be the king of your life, your wife should be the queen. If you want her to treat you like the most important person on earth, then treat her that way. If you want her to listen honestly to you and respect your view, then treat her that way. Leadership is not about domination. The minute you throw out to her that she has to do what you say because you are the head, she is gonna tune you out and dismiss you as a controlling jerk. You will have lost any and all authority you ever had. True leadership is about serving the interests of the family and working to see that the right things happen, the right direction is traveled.


They came to Capernaum and, once inside the house, he began to ask them, “What were you arguing about on the way?” But they remained silent. They had been discussing among themselves on the way who was the greatest. Then he sat down, called the Twelve, and said to them, “If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.” Taking a child he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it he said to them, "Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the one who sent me." Mark 9:33-37

*Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee approached him with her sons and did him homage, wishing to ask him for something. He said to her, “What do you wish?” She answered him, “Command that these two sons of mine sit, one at your right and the other at your left, in your kingdom.” Jesus said in reply, “You do not know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup that I am going to drink?” They said to him, “We can.” He replied, “My cup you will indeed drink, but to sit at my right and at my left (, this) is not mine to give but is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” When the ten heard this, they became indignant at the two brothers.

But Jesus summoned them and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and the great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave. Just so, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many*.” Matt. 20:20-28

*Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, be subordinate to your husbands, as is proper in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and avoid any bitterness toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they may not become discouraged. Slaves, obey your human masters in everything, not only when being watched, as currying favor, but in simplicity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Whatever you do, do from the heart, as for the Lord and not for others, knowing that you will receive from the Lord the due payment of the inheritance; be slaves of the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will receive recompense for the wrong he committed, and there is no partiality*. Col. 3:12-25

*Joshua gathered together all the tribes of Israel at Shechem, summoning their elders, their leaders, their judges and their officers. When they stood in ranks before God, Joshua addressed all the people: “Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel: In times past your fathers, down to Terah, father of Abraham and Nahor, dwelt beyond the River and served other gods. But I brought your father Abraham from the region beyond the River and led him through the entire land of Canaan. I made his descendants numerous, and gave him Isaac…”

“…I gave you a land which you had not tilled and cities which you had not built, to dwell in; you have eaten of vineyards and olive groves which you did not plant. Now, therefore, fear the LORD and serve him completely and sincerely. Cast out the gods your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. If it does not please you to serve the LORD, decide today whom you will serve, the gods your fathers served beyond the River or the gods of the Amorites in whose country you are dwelling. As for me and my household, we will serve the LORD*.” Josh. 24: 1-3,13-15

You will find many places in Holy Scriptures, but especially in the New Testament, where counsel is given about how to be a leader according to the example of Christ. If you try to do that, if you see to your own formation as a Catholic, that will be a very good start.


Remember that you and your wife need to work as a TEAM in order to make it work. I have seen many men beat their chests trying to act like a "macho" man. They act more like bastards.

Anyway, like BlueShadow123 stated, you need to LISTEN to what your wife has to say. Work as a team. You're the head but your wife is the heart and soul of the family, so listen to her and make decisions together as a team.



EWTN has a "man show" called "Crossing the Goal" and here are some examples of that show.

A good Dad is someone actively involved in building a strong family unit. Family members who are bonded to one another in love and respect. A good man needs to be bonded to his wife and together they must sacrifice for that family.

A good Catholic Dad, protects his family from negative influences that draw people away from Christ.

Overcome your vices with virtues. Make a regular habit of taking your family to confession.

Attend Adult Faith formation classes to better understand what Christ left us in the Sacraments.

It's Really important that you attend Mass with them. Father participation at Mass in the leading indicator as to whether or not "lost" children will return to Church after their young adult years.

Lead your children in prayer at home. (You set the example and see if they'll pick up and run with your ideas - but you & your wife need to stay involved.) Bless your children with God's grace by making the sign of the Cross on their foreheads. Have your children bless you. Get a Catholic Children's Bible and read to them in their rooms at bedtime.

(They will remember you always - by these actions).


A man needs to put God first. If we do this, God will help us be a better husband & father, not perfect, but working towards holiness with the help of God. And with this, we will love & respect our wife at a higher level.

As stated in an earlier post, leading by example is also a priority. We need to bring our family closer to God, and this starts with us. Weekly Mass, reading the Bible, reading the Catechism, and daily prayer to name a few. And too many men these days are not spirtiually leading their family.

Marriage is a team, and we have to work together with our wife, although, every team has a leader. With regards to the family, the man is called to be the leader of the family. Now, being a leader, also comes with responsibility, and we have to listen to our wife with an open heart. Most men need work, when it comes to active listening; really listening to what the person is saying without interruptions. We need to value the input of our wife, and not brush it to the side. Listening to our wife shows our love for her, while at the same time will increase her respect for us. A leader is not a ruler, but they are the person who has to make the final decision, especially in areas where there is disagreement. This is where a lot of problems come within a marriage. The husband is not loving the wife unselfishly, while at the same time the wife may not be respecting the husband fully. But if we love our wife as Christ loves the Church, our wife should respect a decision when not in total agreement.

Lastly, many modern men are pushovers to women. We are called to love & respect our wife, but this does not mean hand over the reigns of leadership. Just as it was wrong for men to rule over women within marriage in the past, it is just as wrong for women to be domineering over men within marriage these days. We are to be sensitive to our wife, while at the same time keeping our masculinity. Too many men are being nuetered of their masculinity. We cannot lead our family on feelings alone or without a backbone. Just as Christ displayed love without sacrificing His masculinity, we need to do the same within our marriage & family.


Influence of men on church attendance

"Switzerland released a study in 2000 which concluded that the religious practice of the father of the family that, above all, determines the future attendance at or absence from church of the children.

If both father and mother attend regularly, 33 percent of their children will end up as regular churchgoers, and 41 percent will end up attending irregularly. A quarter of their children will end up not practicing at all.

If the father is irregular and mother regular, 3 percent of the children will subsequently become regulars themselves, while a further 59 percent will become irregulars. Thirty-eight percent will be lost.

If the father is non-practicing and mother regular, 2 percent of children will become regular worshippers, and 37 percent will attend irregularly. Over 60 percent of their children will be lost completely to the church.

In short, if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper.

If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers (regular and irregular).

If a father goes but irregularly to church, regardless of his wife’s devotion, between a half and two-thirds of their offspring will find themselves coming to church regularly or occasionally.

A non-practicing mother with a regular father will see a minimum of two-thirds of her children ending up at church.

In contrast, a non-practicing father with a regular mother will see two-thirds of his children will not go to church. If his wife is similarly negligent that figure rises to 80 percent.[23]"


[quote="traillius, post:1, topic:220653"]
How does a male head of household become a better catholic leader in the home. I'm afraid I don't know much about how to do this. I guess growing up I didn't have many examples of good catholic men leading families.


Get on your knees before God and ask Him to lead YOU. Read the Bible, specifically looking for passages about God leading His people and other righteous leaders in Scripture. Be humble. Work as a team with your wife, put her above yourself, cherish her. Show your children that you love God and that you love and treasure your wife and their mother. Never let the children speak down to their mother or back-talk her. Especially if you have male children as they grow into teens, you must hold them accountable for how they speak to their mother who is also your wife. You draw that line for them when they go over it. Train your children to value themselves and to know that God is preparing them for their future spouse. Make sure they understand the sanctity of sex and why they should not waste their gift but save it for marriage. If you have girls, you will be their first vision of what a husband should be. Make it a strong vision, an upright vision. Go on dates with them. Take your sons hunting, fishing, go to sports events, make stuff.

Pray with them. Pray for them. Stay involved in the kids' lives. Help them when they need help, but hold them accountable too. Make them work for what they want. Give them what they need or must have, but make them work for what they want. Find a mentor dad and husband that you can shadow, who will adopt you spiritually and be a sounding board when you need a wing man.

There are websites and books galore about how to be a great father and husband. But I recommend finding other men who are dealing with the same thing. Older men can help you do what seems difficult in these times, but is really not so hard if God is leading you.


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