Dear fellows in Christ,
I am so glad to have found this website. I’ve been eagerly reading throughout the site and finding many answers to questions that have long nagged me.
There’s something that’s always bothered me and I’m hoping someone here can help me. Please don’t laugh if it sounds silly to you, or even blasphemous.
I’ve always felt a little creeped out by the nuptial language regarding Christ: how we are his “bride” and so on. I cannot be the first man in the Church’s 2,000 year history to feel uncomfortable with this, right?
I am perfectly able to feel - and often do - a kind of overwhelming awe and fear in the presence of our Lord. The Holy Eucharist almost always brings me to tears.
However, I must admit that I don’t really feel love - at least, not a strong love; and certainly not the erotic type of love that mystics apparently feel. Nor, oddly enough, do I want to.
Now, of course I can feel brotherly love for a good friend - and that can be incredibly strong. And, I can feel a disinterested, agape type love for friends, neighbors, mankind, etc.
And, I deeply love my wife - I love her so much it hurts. No love I’ve ever experienced seems as intense, and as deeply transformative, as my love for my her. I love everything she does; how she looks; and there’s something unbearably beautiful in our making love.
I feel I’m faced with a problem that perhaps is a wall in my own heart: I cannot fully love an abstraction. Maybe I’m all-too-human, but it’s really hard for me to deeply love what I cannot touch and be with physically.
And yet, to love God in the flesh as a man, seems utterly distasteful to me.
How can this be?
Is there something wrong with me?