My brother is engaged to a woman who is seriously mentally ill and completely mooching off of him. She went through about 5 different jobs within the last year till her social worker told her she made qualify for SSI income claiming that she is too mentally ill to financially support herself. Now that she is receiving money from the government, she and my brother are trying to save money to have a small wedding next year. She is on medication that would cause severe birth defects if she ever got pregnant. My brother says he has no desire to be a father. Both plan on never having children. During their courtship, a priest said something to her in the confessional and around them the two of them rejected the Catholic faith. They have no intention of marrying in the Catholic Church. Meanwhile, my brother's fiance' had been under the impression that she'd qualify for less SSI money if she were legally married to my brother. As such, she told me that she and my brother intend on having a wedding only without even a civil marriage. They've sense been told that they can't do this, but she seems overall willing to toss this.
As you can see on all levels, I really can't support this. First, I cannot see this woman as having the mental stability to handle the responsibilities of married life. I see no real attempt to enter into a real marriage as neither of them intend to have children. She was even consider the civil element unnecessary. And of course they're Catholics getting married outside of the Catholic Church. My husband feels we should not attend the wedding, and when I brought up the situation in the confessional, the priest agreed that I probably should not attend.
The problem is this. For the past couple of years I've come to a greater understanding of my mother in ways that don't put her under the best light. She was seriously emotionally abused and repetitively abandoned by her mother. Her mother's love was back and forth on complete rejection and yet "You must be completely loyal to me." As such, my mom is extreemly loyal, but willing to bend over backwards to get her emotionally needs satisfied.
Without getting into details, I believe that my mother is being manipulated by my brother's fiance'. I believe his fiance' has given her a limited and tempermental connection with my brother that hinges on my mom's approval of their relationship. My mom is obsessed with approving their relationship and in complete denial over bad the situation is. There is an anger my mom seems to be harboring. Any time the ceremony is mentioned my mom gets a very hostile and angry tone insisting that it is our moral duty to attend the ceremony.
The priest suggested even faking a flat tire at the last minute, but I know my mother will see right through it. I know overall night attending will cause a bigger rift than there is now within the family. So the question is how can I respectfully not attend? I feel right now like the best option is to inform everyone that I asked a priest and was told that I cannot. However, I don't know if that'll go over too well either.