How To Overcome Drug Abuse/Addiction?


#1

I’ve improved drastically taking a narcotic prescription that I HAVE to take to remotely function due to a serious sleep disorder that, without meds, would make me sleep all the time. I’ve tried every alternative to narcotics imaginable but nothing worked and even my doctor, when I told her I’d abused a different kind of stimulant than I am now taking and asked her to put me on a different one, continued prescribing narcotics other than the one I was addicted to, even after I slipped and slightly abused the first kind she replaced the one I was addicted to with (also not the one I’m now taking), as she knows I HAVE to have a narcotic stimulant to get out of bed.
With my new prescription I took it exactly as prescribed for 2 to 3 months, then I’d start taking one extra dose once a week or so BUT consistently make up for it by skipping a dose one other day later the same week. (I’m allowed to skip doses anytime.)
However, a week or so ago I was just so busy, depressed, and exhausted despite my prescribed dose of meds that I started taking 1 extra dose a day almost every day (but a couple of times managed to take just my MAXIMUM prescribed dose) and a couple or 3 days took 2 or 3 extra doses to ease fatigue and resulting depression or to get stuff done without being miserable or falling asleep.
I haven’t been able to skip any doses for the past week or so, though some days I don’t take extra.
Taking 1 extra dose a day, or even 3 (for a total of six) is still nothing compared to the 30 pills a day I took of my first narcotic… but I haven’t told anyone but my uncle and priest what I’m doing. I have a recovery sponsor but I’m waaay too ashamed to tell her the truth for fear I’ll keep screwing up and I have a counselor who counts my pills (I requested this to help me get custody of my kids back; they were taken due to domestic violence towards me on my husband’s part, they didn’t even know I had a drug problem until I told them). I refuse to tell my counselor the truth because it would delay getting my sons home and I really believe thatone reason, if not the main reason, I’m taking extra pills now is because the court case has gone on for so long and it just hurts more the longer it goes on.
I won’t tell my doctor or anyone else but my uncle and my priest due to fear and shame, but I feel guilty, scared, and powerless to control myself.
I fear that although I’m quite sure I can get out of pill counts God will punish me for abusing my meds by prolonging the court case (which hurts my kids) or taking them away for good. I wonder if He let DSS take them to begin with as a brutal punishment for abusing my old meds, though my kids were never abused or neglected. I’m confused because I trusted God to heal my addiction and protect my family from being torn apart but He let one of my greatest fears come true so how can I trust Him to protect us in the future?
Is abusing pills even in such minimal quantities a great offense to God or is Satan guilting me? Why do it seem I have no choice sometimes but to do so because my feelings are simply unbearable? Why doesn’t God help me in a comforting way rather than punishing me torturously? And how can I get control of my drug abuse and get rid of the unbearable anguish I sometimes use to cover up lest I end up doing something worse? Last, how can and why does God allow me and my kids to suffer like this? Will He ever set me free and protect me from my greatest fears coming true again?
One last question… will being confirmed in July make a difference in the degree of self control I have? How can I stop in the meantime without my kids suffering for it?
Sorry for all the questions. Thanks for answering.


#2

Based on my knowledge, NA would be a great start:

na.org/


#3

We are not allowed to give medical advice. You should be seeking medical help to diagnose your sleep problem with a specialist, not your family doctor. I hope that you will be honest with them. That is the only way you will be able to deal with your problem and avoid addiction problems.

If taken as prescribed, you probably would not be having an addiction problem.

As far as God healing your addiction, he is not going to wave a magic wand over you. You have to do your part to not abuse your prescription, and to get a correct diagnosis so you can be the best parent you can be to your children. Don’t make them suffer.


#4

I agree, 12-step programs are excellent. I’ve heard the first steps summed up this way and I like it:

Step 1. I can’t [stop by myself.]
Step 2. God can [help me stop.]
Step 3. I think I’ll let God!

I have been in recovery for almost nine months, and I go through the first 3 steps almost every day (truly, they’re applicable to a lot more than just my addiction!). I found it really, really hard to connect with a sponsor, but I continue taking any slips/relapses to confession. I also work with a private therapist who specializes in addiction issues. I haven’t attended a meeting in a while, but in the early stages of recovery I found them very, very helpful. NA might even have online meetings.

Keep in mind that it takes the brain a LONG time to rebuild neural pathways that don’t involve using the addiction. Withdrawal stinks, and for those of us who have worked really hard to numb ourselves to feeling, that negative period feels like it will never end. But it does, if we continue to open ourselves up to God’s healing.

Praying for you!


#5

Firstly you and your family will be in my prayers. You have proven to yourself that you are not able to take your medication as prescribed. It doesn’t matter what narcotic you use, it is,still a narcotic. Maybe speaking to your doctor about alternatives again?
You say that you have a recovery sponsor. If she is a 12 step sponsor and you are in a 12 step program, then you know that you need to tell her. Be open and honest. As is said, “we are only as sick as our secrets”
It seems to me that it is fear that is running your actions right now. Fear of telling your sponsor,counsellor. Fear of losing your kids. Understandable, but that fear is fuelling your drug addiction and not helping you right now or in the long run.
Finding the courage to seek alternatives and being truthful with your recovery sponsor will set you free.


#6

They’re prescribed by a neuropsychiatrist and I’m just more afraid of losing my kids than anything. Is that wrong? Yes. I will confess it and put it in my moral inventory for my sponsor when I slip. But not my counselor… she referred to “the universe’s help” when I spoke of Christ’s help, so I don’t trust her with my secrets.
Does “love covers all sins” and “I do what I hate, I can’t do what I want… Christ will free me from the sin that enslaves me” I don’t mean justify, but maybe explain my situation?
I counted my pills and I won’t be running out after all so I suspect the accuser was playing my strongholds of childhood guilt and fear to keep me from hearing of Christ’s love and mercy, as I heard in many heartwarming posts on another question.
Sound reasonable?
By the way, my sponsor is through a Christian recovery group, Celebrate Recovery. I’m too outspoken about Christianity to participate in NA plus with my slips I don’t want to set a hypocritical example before non believers.


#7

I would suggest that the accuser is you, imo. Because you know you relapsed and the guilt is normal. I understand that you don’t want to lose your kids. By telling your sponsor, she can make suggestions on a way forward. If you don’t trust your Counsellor then atleast you have your sponsor. Trust is a big thing, I know. In your case I would not recommend NA, due to you being on narcotics, It’s a program of complete abstinence from mood and mind altering drugs. Also I understand what you mean about being outspoken about Christianity. It just won’t fly in NA. All the best and I will keep you in my prayers. Peace:)


#8

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