how to overcome hatred?

I love God but I hated many people especially those who hurted me. I feel most people are so bad, sometimes I treat them good just because I know God wanted me to so I obey Him.
When I chat with a friend about my thoughts everyday, he comments that there is too much hatred inside me. I admit it is a problem for me, I am always angry with others and that anger will last for a few hours or whole day just on little thing.

Sometimes I heard other catholic friends say that when others wrong me, we can pray for them. Why? I dont understand that, if they did hurt others in purpose, why should we pray for them? Don’t they deserve punishment? Why not we pray for ourselves?

Anyone can teach me how to overcome hatred inside me? Forgive does not mean i can totally forget their wrongs nor will feel better.

I would encourage you to pray for those folks on a daily basis. Perhaps thinking of one person and offering a Rosary for them, or even a single decade, might do some good. Also, offer up little sacrifices for them. :slight_smile:

It’s easier to let go of resentments, and to begin to think charitably of others, when we try to extend mercy to them in tangible ways.

You are not going to “forget” that takes amnesia or some other mental disorder.

If you FORGIVE actually, then you will feel better. If you can love God truly, you will not be able to truly hate… the best you can muster is a disdain akin to a parent in utter frustration and disgust for their child’s ill acts. You would feel more a pity than a hate… you let these people control you to this degree because they are getting to your heart more than you are letting God in.

Christians hate anything that sounds remotely like pride, but if you focus to walk with God you will be “better” than these people. Not in the arrogantly prideful way, but like walking past children, they may say or do something wrong but they are not hated… because they are children and not capable of anything better. That is what these people you hate are.

Remember the great verse “43You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” Our goal should be to help all those reach eternal life even those we dislike. Remember the robber next to jesus who was being crucified. Jesus forgave him and he went to heaven that night. Later that night Jesus cried out , “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up His garments by casting lots. 35. If jesus was willing to forgive those who just crucified the living son of God we should be willing to pray for those who hate. Try to open your heart and have empathy for those you hate. Remember the stroy of Saint Maria Goretti. She forgived the man who raped and murdered her right before she died. That man eventually grew up and did good in the world as a result.

this is from a homily from a few years ago. Maybe it will help.

In today’s Gospel, Matthew asks Jesus how many times we must forgive someone who offends us. He asks: “As many as seven times?" Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy- times seven.” Now, like all of you, I take the word of Christ seriously. I have done the math and that is 490 times. So . . . I’ve been keeping a list and some people are getting close. I have only known Father for a few months, so he is still in single digits, but I have one friend who is over 400. A couple of my kids are already over 100, and my bride Lucy is over 200. I figure at this rate we have about 25 years left, then. . . “watch out”. Of course that time may be shorter depending upon what number I have managed to hit on HER list.
I’m glad most of you are laughing, because, of course the Gospel message actually means just the opposite, “70 X 7” was an idiom, a figure of speech, to the ancient Jews, it means an UNLIMITED number of times.
“Forgiveness” is a pretty slippery concept. Just what does it mean, and how can we even tell if we have really forgiven someone. “Accept my apology?” “Sure, I forgive you, you jerk.” I was having a conversation with a group of men about a year ago, and someone said that you know you have forgiven someone when you can pray for them. One of the guys, a marine in Viet Nam said, well I forgive Osama Bin Laden, but I would rather spend my time praying that the marines find him and kill him. He didn’t quite get the concept.
I find it providential that our readings today, 9/11/2011, which were selected well over a decade ago, focus on forgiveness.
The dictionary defines forgiveness as the “process of concluding resentment, anger, or indignation and giving up the desire for punishment or restitution.” So how do we do that?
How to forgive in the age of 9/11, Afghanistan, the release of the Lockerbie bomber in Libya, daily news stories of murders of innocents, abuse of minors by parents, teachers, and even trusted clergy. How? And even more to the point, how to forgive when the harm is up close and personal, to our friends, family or selves? And besides “how”, “WHY?” Why should we forgive those who attack and harm us and our loved ones without remorse?
Let’s take the “why” first. Two reasons, for our own well-being here and now, and more importantly, in the afterlife. Nelson Mandela, after serving 26 years unjustly imprisoned was asked if he resented those who put him in jail. He said: “resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy.” It eats us up inside. Not only that, it binds us to that person with an emotional link stronger than steel, to the very person we would probably prefer to never have anything to do with ever again. Harboring ill-will, anger, or resentment, deep down in our guts is the exact opposite of forgiveness. Christ did not seek remorse from those who crucified Him when he asked the Father to forgive them for they know not what they do. We can take a lesson from the Amish in West Nickle Mine Pennsylvania. Perhaps you remember that, coincidentally, almost exact 5 years ago, a deranged killer took 10 little Amish girls hostage and shot them all in the head before turning the gun on himself. 5 girls died, the other 5 are disabled. The Amish community sought no apologies or show of remorse. They forgave, the degree that they visited the shooters family, took them food and mourned their losses together. They didn’t let the hate eat them up.
More importantly, God calls us to forgive. St. Jose Marie Escriva said that we must forgive “because the greatest injury or offense you can suffer is nothing compared to those things for which God has pardoned you.” We see this all throughout scripture. The original translation of today’s Gospel on the unforgiving servant is instructive. His fellow servant owed him 100 denarius, which was roughly 100 days pay. But this same servant owed his Lord 10,000 talents. A talent was equal to 6,000 denarii. So he owed his Lord the equivalent of 60,000,000 denarii. Working 5 days a week, 48 weeks a year, it would take 250,000 years to raise that. An amount his Lord was willing to forgive, only if the servant could also forgive. We see this repeated in the Our Father: “forgive us AS (and only as) we forgive others. Our first reading from Sirach further reinforces this message: “forgive and THEN when you pray, your sins will be forgiven.” That’s WHY.
Still the “how is difficult. To help with the HOW, let me leave you with what I call my 10 rules for forgiving:

  1. Its hard, it takes time and effort; (God knows this)
  2. It doesn’t mean to “forget”, forgive with your heart, not your head;
  3. It doesn’t ignore evil, it confronts it;
  4. It is not destructive, it doesn’t allow harm to continue, it defends;
  5. Its not “approval”. We must forgive “wrongs”, otherwise no need to forgive;
    And now the harder 5: Remember -
  6. People are bigger than their faults, they have lives and families too (have compassion, try to see things from there perspective);
  7. People deserve a second chance;
  8. Recognize our own contributions to what went wrong;
  9. Give up the right to “get even”; and
  10. Wish them well, in God’s will. My marine was OK praying that Osama bin Laden and his followers have a change of heart.
    Bottom line, treat others as God treats us. As our Psalm today reminds us: God brings justice, but even more so, He is merciful and gracious. St. James tells us: “mercy triumphs over justice”, and I don’t know about you but I sure am glad for that. God forbid I get what I “deserve”. Let us keep that mercy and forgiveness of God in mind as we approach the altar today to receive the ultimate act of mercy and forgiveness in the Eucharist, and let us pray that He helps us to be like him in mercy and forgiveness.

SMOM,

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

I believe that I was unfairly sacked about five years ago supporting people with disabilities. So, to help me overcome my anger, I have done about fifteen hundred hours of voluntary work for the people who sacked me. I shall be going back again on Friday to do another five, and at the end of this month, I will voluntarily take a couple of the guys on holiday for a week. At minimum wages I have probably given them about £10,000 of my time. Every now and then, I come into contact with the people responsible for my sacking.

When you overcome anger, you can find a profound sense of peace.

The hatred inside you will hurt other people the same way the hatred inside other people caused them to hurt you.
Your life is independent of the people who hurt you. Your life belongs to God and it is placed in the care of others until you can care for yourself. leave punishment of others up to God.

I had hatred in my heart for someone for many years. I mentioned it to a priest in confession a few years ago and shortly after that I no longer felt no hatred or anger towards that person. It’s wrong to hate and as hard as it is (very) pray to overcome this hatred and pray for that person.

In fact, OP, going to confession is a great idea. I’m not sure how often you go, but perhaps you can ask Father if it might not be a good idea to go more frequently. Confession is an extremely powerful means to grow in holiness, which in turn will make overcoming hatred so much easier.

Not praying for them doesn’t punish them. though.

And yes, we should always pray for ourselves lots.

Putting ourselves right we shall continue to feel the pain so your last statement here is spot on.

:slight_smile: :frowning:

When you realize that you are the same as the “other” and begin to look inward to see your faults not theirs. When you begin to practice patience you can lessen hatred toward yourself and others. Every time we point a finger at others we are pointing 3 at ourselves.

When I have negative feelings towards someone, I pray for them. A real prayer that they will be blessed, that God will touch their lives in some powerful way, that their needs will be met. I have found that if I make a sincere effort to pray for someone, I cannot stay angry or otherwise hang on to negative feelings for them.

How can we do that? if they hurt us, how could we offer rosary for them? I even want to take revenge, its impossible for me to pray for them or offer anything for them.

It’s not “impossible” - you just don’t want to do it.

But think of it this way: Our prayers aren’t a prize we offer only for those we think deserve them. We should offer prayer for everyone who needs it. Those who hurt us and others need all the help they can get. I cannot imagine the horrible pain some of the people around me must live with day after day after day to treat others (including me) the way they do. If the Lord could use my prayers and the offering of my suffering to bring them relief and inspire them to be kinder, why would I withhold these prayers from Him?

We can of course pray for ourselves as well. This is not an either/or situation. By all means pray for yourself, but do also pray for those who hurt you. They need it. Love your neighbor as yourself. Be merciful to others as you desire them to be merciful to you.

My very wise priest once told me that until we forgive those who have wronged us, we can never be happy. I thought he was nuts. And guess what: I continued to be angry and miserable for months until I made the decision to forgive. Please don’t make the same mistake I did in waiting so long to make this choice. It is such a waste of valuable time. :sad_yes:

God bless you, and know that I am praying for you.

SMOM, thank you for the long reply. I have read the whole passage, i like it especially "we must forgive because the greatest injury or offense you can suffer is nothing compared to those things for which God has pardoned you.” and also the 10 rules.

I will try my best to forgive. Its hard, I know it takes time and effort. :frowning:

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