How to pay for Dr. visits for two sons


#1

Hello,

I have two sons. Aged 21 and 25. They were both diagnosed with juvenile diabetes when they were 5 and 7 years old.

Neither one is working a full time job presently. They work part-time but are looking for full time. They both live with their father. I had an annulment 12 years ago. They chose to live with their father because he is much more lenient than I am. I really want them to live with me because I feel they are not working up to their potential. But that's not the main problem.

Neither one has insurance. They had it while growing up, but now they are older and do not have it. Their father lost his job-so he doesn't have it either.

I give $40.00 per week to the church. I work full time and know this is something which I gladly do!! God has given so much to me. But I'm very worried about my two sons. They don't go the the Dr. since they don't have insurance. They are supposed to go the endocrinologist every 3 months. They don't have the money for this. It costs about $150. per visit without the testing etc. My younger son had to have an emergency appendectomy a few months ago and the Dr. told me that he was a walking time bomb. I pray for them every day to take care of themselves. This is my question.

Would it be alright for me to keep the $40.00 per week and save it to take them to the endocrinologist? I wouldn't be spending it on myself-but for my boys to keep them updated on the doctor visits. Neither of them have been to the endocrinologist in approx 2 years. They are young and think they'l live forever. They pay full price for their medicine and testing supplies. Please let me know if this would be ok. I would just like to do this once for both of them. That would mean not giving to the church for a couple of months. I am very worried about them and pray for them everyday.:confused:

Thank you.


#2

If you're concerned about not giving any money to the Church, maybe you could compromise and give $5-$10 to Church and $30-$35 towards your sons' medical bills. I don't think anyone would fault you if you chose to spend it all on your sons for a while, however. Getting their medicines is a life-or-death situation, and although ideally at 25 (perhaps not so much at 21) your son should not still be living at home and should be able to support himself and understand the seriousness of his illness, that's not the case right not. You just have to do the best you can.


#3

Sure to put the money where there is a good reason. By getting your sons treated, they in turn be able to serve Him in greater capacities.


#4

[quote="Charlotte1776, post:2, topic:225603"]
If you're concerned about not giving any money to the Church, maybe you could compromise and give $5-$10 to Church and $30-$35 towards your sons' medical bills. I don't think anyone would fault you if you chose to spend it all on your sons for a while, however. Getting their medicines is a life-or-death situation, and although ideally at 25 (perhaps not so much at 21) your son should not still be living at home and should be able to support himself and understand the seriousness of his illness, that's not the case right not. You just have to do the best you can.

[/quote]

Agree with above.

Also, contact the American Diabetes Association - local branch - and ask if there are any assistance programs in your area. Maybe if they could get assistance with meds and testing supplies, they could use the $$$ spent on Drs appointments.

Where I live the county hospital has clinics and fees are based on sliding scale - for income. Drugs and supplies are 20% of the cost.

Drug companies also have assist programs - if they are using any of the non-generic, more expensive drugs/insulin - may be something to look in to. Check the manufacturers web sites.


#5

[quote="parvin, post:1, topic:225603"]
Hello,

I have two sons. Aged 21 and 25. They were both diagnosed with juvenile diabetes when they were 5 and 7 years old.

Neither one is working a full time job presently. They work part-time but are looking for full time. They both live with their father. I had an annulment 12 years ago. They chose to live with their father because he is much more lenient than I am. I really want them to live with me because I feel they are not working up to their potential. But that's not the main problem.

Neither one has insurance. They had it while growing up, but now they are older and do not have it. Their father lost his job-so he doesn't have it either.

I give $40.00 per week to the church. I work full time and know this is something which I gladly do!! God has given so much to me. But I'm very worried about my two sons. They don't go the the Dr. since they don't have insurance. They are supposed to go the endocrinologist every 3 months. They don't have the money for this. It costs about $150. per visit without the testing etc. My younger son had to have an emergency appendectomy a few months ago and the Dr. told me that he was a walking time bomb. I pray for them every day to take care of themselves. This is my question.

Would it be alright for me to keep the $40.00 per week and save it to take them to the endocrinologist? I wouldn't be spending it on myself-but for my boys to keep them updated on the doctor visits. Neither of them have been to the endocrinologist in approx 2 years. They are young and think they'l live forever. They pay full price for their medicine and testing supplies. Please let me know if this would be ok. I would just like to do this once for both of them. That would mean not giving to the church for a couple of months. I am very worried about them and pray for them everyday.:confused:

Thank you.

[/quote]

Their adults; they need to find a job and so does their Dad they chose to live with him then let him handle it job or not. No I don't think you should do it. Or if you really have too Perhaps just take 20 dollars from what you give to the church and find someplace else to cut back on.


#6

[quote="ElizabethPH, post:5, topic:225603"]
Their adults; they need to find a job and so does their Dad they chose to live with him then let him handle it job or not. No I don't think you should do it. Or if you really have too Perhaps just take 20 dollars from what you give to the church and find someplace else to cut back on.

[/quote]

Oh, okay........ because getting a job with benefits in this economy, with a serious medical condition that may limit what they can do, is SO EASY! (can you hear the sarcasm??)

She is only doing what she feels she needs to do....it's not like both her sons have MBA's, a house they cannot afford, driving BMW's, and taking vacations in the Caribbean and chose not to be employed and have health benefits. C'mon....show some compassion here!


#7

Do you have health insurance? My 23 year old- still- looking- for -a -full- time - job -since- graduating - college -son is on my and my husband's policies.


#8

I agree withe the sentiment that the boys need to take some of the responsibility on themselves. They need to be researching diabetes associations.

They need to have TRUE ownership. I have extreme nearsightedness. I need an exam each year and even the cheepest perscription has run me about $300. I had to figure out how to pay because it wasn't covered by insurance. I ate ramen, didnt get to go out and worked a few back to back shifts at the gas station (when i was employed pt).

I took owenership...as well as at the time paying for asthasma meds. So i know how it is.

I would start to set aside some money and one-on-one approach them. If it truly is a money issue offer to meet them halfway...nothing more. If they get clever and find help for the rest thats ok, too. But they need to take owenership. Its not harsh its a life long issue and you wont be around forever to maintin there disease.


#9

I say go for it. :thumbsup:

You're not just giving them the money to just do whatever with, you're worried about their health and will be helping them care for themselves. Your heart's in the right place--don't feel guilty at all about choosing to pay a medical expense for a loved one and not putting in the collection in order to do so. You're supposed to try to find ways to help others and sometimes God gives you different opportunities to do so. This is yours.


#10

Family should come first. I like the idea of giving $5 to the church and the rest to the boys. I would not give them the money directly. Just pay the bill. Save the $300 for both to have an appointment and then pay for the appointments.

Only you know if the boys are really trying to get work. It depends on where you live. Maybe they can't find a good full-time job with benefits but they should try for two part-time jobs. They need to be men and take care of themselves. Doesn't mean you can't help until things improve.


#11

I read that one of the new features in "Obamacare" is that parents are supposed to be able to put their children on their medical insurance policies up until age 26. Is that a possibility? Could they reimburse you for the cost? I really don't know the details, but it might be something they could look into.

I think this may be a good law because people in their early twenties sometimes haven't settled down yet. Some of them tend to go to school, drop or flunk out, try a job, quit, try another job and then quit again. This does not do much for having consistent medical insurance, especially if they have a pre-existing condition.

It used to be that they had to be full time students in order to be able to buy affordable medical insurance. I thought that this system was really crazy - why should your medical insurance go away because you have decided to become a part-time student instead of a full-time student?

Other than looking into something like this, I think you can just pray for them and try to find them a free medical clinic if they're really desperate.


#12

[quote="parvin, post:1, topic:225603"]
Would it be alright for me to keep the $40.00 per week and save it to take them to the endocrinologist?

[/quote]

*Can. 222 §1. The Christian faithful are obliged to assist with the needs of the Church so that the Church has what is necessary for divine worship, for the works of the apostolate and of charity, and for the decent support of ministers.

§2. They are also obliged to promote social justice and, mindful of the precept of the Lord, to assist the poor from their own resources.

Can. 223 §1. In exercising their rights, the Christian faithful, both as individuals and gathered together in associations, must take into account the common good of the Church, the rights of others, and their own duties toward others.

§2. In view of the common good, ecclesiastical authority can direct the exercise of rights which are proper to the Christian faithful.*

It is good to help your sons, but they are adults and you also have a duty to support the Church. I'd say that before taking from money that fulfills your duty to support the Church, ask first whether you have some other money that is not answering a true need, but somehow I doubt you are withholding money you're using on some non-essential. (Saving for retirement, paying your own bills, finding a way to get yourself exercise, buying nutritious food for yourself, and so on are needs which you have a duty to meet. We moms actually need to be told that. :rolleyes:)

You do need to ask very honestly whether your sons will heed feedback from the doctor if you pay to have them get it. If they are non-compliant, at some point they have to be allowed to have the consequences that they, as adults (albeit young ones), have chosen for themselves. If money for health check-ups that would help another person is money down a mole hole if spent on them, that is something you must face, no matter where the money is coming from.

IOW, I don't think there is a cut-and-dried answer to your question. I'd really consider having a conversation with several knowledgeable people about this, including an endocrinologist. (Because of federal HIPPA laws, their own doctor(s) is probabably limited in what he or she can say, since both patients are past the age of emancipation. Still, it is worth getting a doctor's opinion as you weigh this.) Talk to your pastor, too, about how this money fits into your overall finances.


#13

[quote="ThereseOfRoses, post:6, topic:225603"]
Oh, okay........ because getting a job with benefits in this economy, with a serious medical condition that may limit what they can do, is SO EASY! (can you hear the sarcasm??)

She is only doing what she feels she needs to do....it's not like both her sons have MBA's, a house they cannot afford, driving BMW's, and taking vacations in the Caribbean and chose not to be employed and have health benefits. C'mon....show some compassion here!

[/quote]

I've seen too often Mom's who in bad economies (yes this isn't the only bad economy we've been through) end up with jobless growin men in the household too proud to get just any job while the Mom is stuck holding the bag. It does get my goat that 3 growin men can't get out there and find something, anything to pay the bills. Someone posted something about a free clinic, why wouldn't that work; or is it below standards to use a free clinic?


#14

[quote="ElizabethPH, post:13, topic:225603"]
I've seen too often Mom's who in bad economies (yes this isn't the only bad economy we've been through) end up with jobless growin men in the household too proud to get just any job while the Mom is stuck holding the bag. It does get my goat that 3 growin men can't get out there and find something, anything to pay the bills. Someone posted something about a free clinic, why wouldn't that work; or is it below standards to use a free clinic?

[/quote]

There is also the question of how compliant patients are when they pay nothing for their medical care. Those who truly cannot work and cannot pay are one thing, but those who get for free what they could obtain for themselves tend to hold the things they get for free in low esteem.

It is worth talking to the sons and making it clear that the money will need to be paid back, when they can afford it. They need the medical care, but they also need the expectation that they are fully capable of taking on the responsibilities of adult men.

As the Jewish scholar Hillel the Elder famously put it:
If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?
And if I am only for myself, then what am I?
And if not now, when?

She might want to ask her sons how they answer those questions for themselves. If the OPs sons do not exert themselves even on their own behalf, let alone for anyone else, what is to become of them? Their diabetes may be the least of the problems in their futures.


#15

Hello Everyone,

I cannot thank you all enough for your wise comments and suggestions. I think everyone has excellent points they've brought up:thumbsup: I pray constantly for my sons to grow up. I know they need to take care of themselves and be responsible. I have the name of an endocrinologist here in Atlanta that I'm going to call and ask if I can make payments a little at a time.

I do have insurance, but I thought they had to live with you to be able to get in on my insurance?? That's a great idea also!! I would make sure they pay me back the extra amount it cost to add them.

God Bless each and everyone of you. I know everyone has problems they're dealing with themselves and I thank you for your answers. It makes me feel like I have some real friends out there! If you would please pray for my sons, that would really be appreciated. Thank you again everyone! Hope to keep coming back.:o God Bless you!


#16

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