I am 21 and my oldest niece is 19. She has taken a much different path then me. She is not religious at all because my sister and her husband never bothered taking their kids to church and she is not in school. She’s working, living at home.
My problem is with the guy she has been dating off and on for several months. He is a grossly obese dirty guy who treats her badly(and seriously he doesn’t bathe much). She is convinced she’s in love with him and blames herself for being overly emotional about things. This guy ignores her, and plays mind games. She flips at first, breaks up with him, and then takes him back when he comes back begging “Please, I don’t want to be single” He’s 18. I sent him a kinda rude message letting him know how I felt about him. They broke up, and then got back together. She keeps saying she’s happy, yet she’s severely depressed all the time and thinks he makes it better. I’m convinced he’s the entire reason for her depression (besides the fact that she’s living a life without God).
I told her that I want her to be happy, but refuse to pretend to like him or think she doesn’t deserve better. I’m sure she’s mad at me, but I just can’t stand to watch her throw her life away on such junk! Her parents have an awful marriage, always have, and live together now like brother and sister, not a married couple. My BIL is a worthless rude guy who has cheated on my sister, always treated her, and the rest of us, bad, and now sits around collecting SSI for his mental health problems as she works 40+ hours a week as manager of two little shops in a mall to try to feed him and their two daughters. I just feel like my niece is going after the exact same thing.
I just don’t know what I should do. I do want her to be happy, but she isn’t! I don’t care what she says. And she knows I can’t stand her boyfriend. I don’t want to ruin my friendship with my niece. She’s always been supportive of the things I need support for, yet here I am doing nothing but criticizing and telling her she’s wasting her time. I’m tempted to just stop talking all together for awhile because I just can’t not tell her the truth of what I see going on in her relationship. I don’t want her to be hurt, like this guy is hurting her, but she refuses to let him out of her life and always takes him back.
Should I just not worry about it and let her lead her life? Should I apologize for being such an awful aunt? I was in a very bad relationship in high school and I’m just scared she’s got herself with a guy who does just enough to make her think he cares, so he can get all the perks of having a girlfriend, and so she stays even though he does nothing to make it work or make her happy. Its just so hard watching someone you love make bad decisions. And I feel like I’m being an awful person just from thinking she could do better, and should!