How to respond to a religiously active person with a same sex spouse / partner


Yes, there are many topics similar to this subject, but I figured I would post this here for those that wish to contribute their ideas and thoughts. And when I say "respond" I mean that the conversation comes my way. Not that I go hunting for this person.

I might be asking for the impossible, but here is what I wish to convey:

  1. I don’t want to appear like I despise the person

  2. I don’t want to explicitly or implicitly condone their lifestyle. I don’t want to be deceptive and dodge.

  3. I want to be clear about my position (the official Catholic position), which is that I believe marriage is objectively between a man and a woman, that it is lifelong, that it means putting your spouse and children first.


CAF is not the place for this. I would recommend going to a good pastor.


Yes it is.


I think the reactions you get might be similar to the ones on this thread.


Why are you needing to “respond” to them?

Did they ask for your spiritual guidance or your opinion, or is this just casual chit chat at a cocktail party?

Are you in a church ministry where you need to reach out to these people or interact with them regularly?

Are they attending the Catholic church or some other faith? If they are some other faith, then why would they care what Catholics think?

Are they members of your family?


Is this something that happens to you often? That religious same sex married people ask your opinion about their relationship?


People take offence at slight things. If you answer incorrectly you might get swamped with a lot of backlash. Praying for them is the most effective means of helping them.


Maybe the pastor could handle this?


I agree with the above posters, a pastor should be the first point of call.

Out of curiosity, when would you think this would come up in conversation that warrants you taking a position?

“I went bowling yesterday with Mike’s family”
“Insert you taking religious position”

Unless someone comes to me with a question or it’s being debated as a topic, I generally don’t offer advice or insight to someone going about their business.

We all sin, some sin in that department, others cheat on their spouse, the next person has an addiction, the one after that is envious.


can you give us a bit more info. what do you mean by respond.


How do you respond to divorced people?




They ask you, explicitly?


I would be perfectly happy to relocate to the alien planet you and TechieGuy live on where political topics never come up in discussions between adults.


I agree that it does depend on what you mean by respond. I’d agree that speaking with your priest is the best idea. There are a few guidelines that we follow in dealing with people:

We aren’t allowed to identify people by their sexual orientation… we look at the unique dignity that each individual is endowed with… which must always be respected. Yes, God calls us all to purity, yet lots of people struggle with a lack of purity, it’s not simply a matter of pointing the finger at homosexuals… Jesus teaches us that adultery and murder can be committed in the heart. We are called to love our neighbour and we can’t pick and choose which neighbour.

Although we recognise the grave matter, we don’t assume that they’re committing mortal sin… we aren’t allowed to judge other people, that right belongs to God alone.

If you do choose to speak with them in some way, it must be done with compassion and with sensitivity, and they must be respected and accepted because even though people aren’t necessarily keeping to the pattern that Christ asks of us, their lives are often marked with real goodness. << I got that from my local archbishop’s pastoral letter :slight_smile:


“She’s a very attractive young woman”
“Actually, I’m more interested in men. You’re a Catholic, why do all Catholics hate gay people?”


I’m really trying to understand here—in what scenarios might a couple ask your opinion about their marriage? Unless this is already a very, very close friend, I cannot imagine this conversation, even if they are straight.


Most people have the idea that the Church has a deep hatred for homosexual people. This is why they might ask you for your opinion or for the Church’s position on homosexuality.


I would presume that if they are religiously active, as the title indicates, they already know the Church’s position.


"Catholics don’t hate gay people. I don’t hate you at all. It’s true that the Catholic church teaches that sex is sinful unless it’s between a man and a woman in a valid marriage and open to life. There are a lot of people in the world who don’t agree with that, including not only gay people, but straight people who have sex outside marriage, couples that live together, married people who use artificial contraception, and people who get divorced and remarried without an annulment. But we don’t hate all those people. We recognize that they have human dignity, that Jesus loves them, and that they may be living good lives in other ways even if they are not following the Church teaching on sex. "

I think after saying that, you would have said enough that if the person tried to argue with you, you could just say you believed you’d covered the issue and excuse yourself from the conversation. If you wanted to keep talking with them, you could ask why they felt hated by Catholics and discuss any specific incidents and kind of go from there.

I have to say however, I interact with a lot of gay people and none of them have ever asked me this question. Maybe it’s because they’re all familiar with the Catholic church teachings already or with interacting with Catholics and they just don’t feel a need to discuss it again, IDK.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit