How to stop blaming others for my own issues


#1

I really struggle with a habit of blaming others, particularly my loved ones, for my own issues (conversely, I also struggle with taking things too personally, and blaming myself for things that obviously have nothing to do with me, but that’s a whole other problem). I am aware of my struggles with this issue, and when I have a problem, I can often work through the intellectual steps of why someone else is not to blame for my problem, and I can see in my head it makes sense.
But it takes me a very long time, if ever, to feel in my heart that someone else is not to blame for my problem, and in the meantime I treat them with a lot of undeserved anger and resentment, and can’t appreciate the good things about the relationship with that person. It is particularly bad with my family, because whenever my mom tries to correct me on something, however fair and reasonable she is, I resent and blame her for having corrected me.
I just wish there was a way the arguments I make in my head about needing to take responsibility for myself could translate to peace in my heart as well.


#2

The fact you are honest about your problem and try to work through it is certainly the first step. I have had similar problems and have found the sooner I can go to prayer the better. I pray for patience and understanding for others at the beginning of the day before I even encounter people. I pray that they have the same for me and then I try to not expect everything to improve all at once. Paul tells us in Philippians 4 to rejoice in the Lord and bring all things to prayer with thanksgiving.

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This is a set of verses I think of often.


#3

Happy cake day @womanatwell :slight_smile:


#4

Thanks, @adgloriam! I was surprised myself when I saw it! Had to look up the year. :blush:


#5

Anger is like picking up a burning coal with the intention of throwing it at the person who angers you, the person who gets burned the most is me. The longer I hold onto this burning coal of anger, the hotter it becomes.

The person who angers you, controls you, they have a little remote control, and they make you do and feel things you do not want to feel.

An old Indian guy said to the boy, inside everyone of us are two wolves that are always fighting each other. One wolf is kind and caring, the other is angry and hateful.
The boy asked, which wolf wins?
The old man said, the wolf that You choose to feed, the more you feed one wolf the stronger it becomes, and it is always your choice.


#6

I’ve found that blaming others is a great stress reliever. I can take a break from bullying myself.
(serious answer to come later)


#7

It’s much easier to blame others for our failings.

It takes a tremendous amount of courage to face our own sins and failures.

It’s hard to hear the truth, but it’s time to grow up and take responsibility for your own actions.

Take this problem to Jesus and your Mother Mary in prayer. Read the Gospels and the other New Testament books, and the wisdom books like Proverbs, as much as you can.

Can you talk to a priest about this outside of confession and get some spiritual direction? You don’t want this to remain a permanent part of your character.

Pray the Rosary and go to Adoration and spend time with Jesus as much as you can. Let Him heal your soul. Ask Him to flood you with His grace and forgiveness, so you can love and forgive others.

Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Give those thoughts back to God…the anger is only hurting you.

Remember what we say in the Lord’s Prayer…“and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”


#8

Don’t blame yourself either . well too much anyway. Sometimes our mistakes are situational and no one’s fault. Sure take responsibility for your behaviour but don’t over do it. Don’t become neurotic. That’s unhealthy as well.


#9

Are you perhaps a teenager? This is actually quite normal. :grin: Look, the mere fact that you can articulate this is a good step and more importantly it bothers you. You are much more self reflective than a huge part of humanity and that is good thing. I’m only able to say this at a distance, but I suspect you are a good person and you care about your impact to those around you and humanity in general. I think, from your description of the situation, that you have a less than deserved negative opinion of yourself. Believe in yourself and I think you will find your negative reactions greatly reduced.


#10

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