How to stop living in sin and start a life together


#1

Hello everyone,

In order to ask my question I feel it best to share my backstory. I was raised Catholic, put through the sacrament of communion, and felt compelled to get my confirmation to appease the family. I never fully believed with both feet in, just kind of half-hearted. Afterwards, the confusion set in. I tried to find faith and I tried to find a belief but came up with every single reason that God didn’t exist. Until I found myself torn apart, wanting to die, morally corrupt, a product of over-consumption and living in sin. I begged for guidance and finally said… I want to give you control. Since then i’ve been trying to live in his name and spread the word, i’ve fallen before him in reconciliation and admitted my sins. Every single sin feels natural to give up but one, which has a lot of fear around it.

My girlfriend does not share the beliefs that I currently have. She is still in the place that I was before, forever the skeptic and never shown signs that she would ever believe are pointing to him… yet. I’ve been praying daily for her to be open and to know him as I have come to know him. And ive been given glimmers of hope, she said she started praying to “That which is good, to provide good for me”, not knowing God but I viewed it as a small ray of change. From a girl that didn’t pray she is starting to turn towards him and I know it. We have been together for almost 3 years now, and until now have lived in sin together, we have a very active sex life. I am wrestling with what to do or how to approach taking it out of our lives. I know i need to talk to her about it but I’m concerned because I want to also ask for her hand in marriage. I am going to go the conventional route speaking to her father for permission but my biggest concern is how to speak to her about all of this. I don’t want to propose while explaining this new restriction and my intentions (worst proposal of the year award). I’m not sure what to do, i’m praying but I need assistance and figured you all may be able to share some guidance.


#2

Tell her you love her, you want her in your life and you would like to marry her and make a life together.

After that, tell her that this would mean she has to accept you with your newfound belief, and that part of it would mean you have to abstain from sex with her till after the wedding. Say that you hope she loves you enough to make this sacrifice for you, and that it will be only a short time. Also tell her that the Church and the priest will require you both to do certain things like pre-Cana in order to be married in the Church, and that you hope she will support you in this.

Tell her again that you love her and you’re really hoping she will say yes and be supportive, but that if she can’t, you will really need to end the relationship because you just can’t continue in the state of sin.

Her reaction should give you some idea whether this is going to work out.

I would NOT try to get her to convert at this stage. If she just can go along with what you need to do, that will be a big step right there. Hopefully a conversion will come later.

Good luck.


#3

Thank you for helping me find the courage. I told her. It was a lot to take in and it was overwhelming to her. She has always said that she knows she is going to marry me. To hear me say those words to her took her by surprise and to hear that i want to genuinely live my faith once and for all. Jump in with both feet. And share the love I have for her and for God at the same time. To take that 1% of ways I show her I love her out the equation to try and focus on all of the other 99% of the ways I show her my love while we journey together towards a commitment. The ball is in her court, she has all the time she can need. I respect her and want to be with her but ideally it isn’t my will to be done. I have to give to God control and find the serenity prayer speaking loud and clear. This is just the beginning of temptation and not the last time i’ll be tested but if she wants to truly be with me, then I have to be true to who I am. If it falls apart over this, I will have learned a hard and real lesson. If it doesn’t this will make us stronger.

Thank you and God Bless <3


#4

Oh my goodness, what a difficult situation. Even between two “believers”, this is going to be a tough road.

Hopefully your girlfriend says yes all the way, and you can get married immediately, like tomorrow :slight_smile: .

Can’t really say much more, I will pray for the two of you. God bless you both.


#5

Good on you for having the courage. I hope she loves you enough to wait the little bit of time. As you said, sex is just a small percentage of how people in a long term relationship love each other; I will pray for your situation.


#6

Thank you both for your kind words and above all for any prayers said for us!

We haven’t talked about it again since I can see that she’s wrestling with the thoughts so I let her know that I want to not assume anything and if she is trying to find answers to her questions I want to be there through open communication to help sort out any confusion. At the end of the day that’s the key!

I realize this commitment to both God and Her is abrupt. But I also know it comes from a place of love. At first it felt like a place of guilt and I couldn’t fathom carrying the burden but now I see it’s a place of love. I want to preserve my faith and make a small temporary sacrifice, a pause if you will, until her and I can hopefully one day make a commitment together. I’m learning how much true love waits considering this would be me waiting and perserving my love for God and Her. I’m hoping she can see this but I haven’t really been able to address since the initial shock and I don’t want to press the issue…so this is a great test of my patience and practice in waiting!

Her mother and father have no faith and her mother had a falling out with her Christian father for pushing his faith on not only her but my girlfriend at a young age. The mother came at me with hostility for talking to her father about my faith and said if things don’t work out between my girlfriend and I (thanks for the confidence!) She doesn’t want my girlfriend to hate her grandfather over it…

The plot thickens. The struggle got harder.
And if we can make it through this journey together we can make it through anything.

I’m going to wait for the dust to settle on the mother’s hostility before asking for any sort of blessing to take her hand in marriage. Taking that as a sign from God to pump the brakes a moment.


#8

We still haven’t talked about it since last Friday…and I haven’t even seen her since Monday…and there was even a period of about 48 hours where she didn’t say anything at all to me.

Today (Friday) we are meeting up for coffee and to talk…I could really use your prayers. I know I have to give this to the Lord, I’m just hopeful for a positive outcome tomorrow :heart:


#9

Praying for you and your situation. May Jesus help you. God bless


#11

Flagged. The man is trying to do the right thing and you’re calling him names and attacking him. That’s uncalled for.

He cannot make his girlfriend convert and if she dies, you have no idea what will happen to her. If you keep posting nasty attacks, God might well be taking Girlfriend to heaven ahead of you. Nor is it fair to blame this guy who is trying to do right for his girlfriend being a skeptic.

Is this how you treat people who are struggling to return to the faith? It’s not encouraging to call names and make accusations.


#12

Wow Bear.
Sorry to have offended YOU - but let’s see how he responds to my reply -


#13

Yeah, that was a little over the top, dude.


#14

Send the request to apparition site of Conyers, GA and beg them to pray. All friends pray at same day. Spray holy water at her place. If being blessed, miracle would happen and she must repent.

Then the rest is your job with Catholic items, books, pamphlets, stories about saints. Insist her to pray rosaries daily. Also help her to join few prayers groups at churches.

God love you,


#15

Okay - back from my 14 day ‘vacation’ -
I promise to be nicer - and not hurt anyone’s feelings.


#16

Well my brother, I was a 14th generation Protestant Mayflower descendant who was as English and Protestant as they come.

I met an Irish Catholic woman who is now my wife of 20 years. We started out kind of where you are. She patiently won my heart and I converted after about 13 years of marriage. I am the ONLY one in all of my family history that I know of who reconciled with apostolic succession. I have never felt better since doing so. Nonetheless, a gentle hand is the better way.

My sole advice is to not work or speak with a heavy hand. Conversions of the heart may be an inward tidal wave, but when influencing others, a small still voice is the one that converted my heart.

My best to you!


#17

I think you should talk to her about marriage. And I recommend that you talk to a priest about the steps that would be necessary for you to make a return to the Faith.
An important part of a relation between two people is that you should grow in mutual respect for each other. That doesn’t mean that she has to become Catholic, but it does mean that she should respect you enough that she would not interfere in the practice of your religion and also that she would cooperate in the marriage preparation program that the Church would want you to take in preparation for marriage.


#18

I hope you had a positive outcome. Praying for you


#19

It sounds to me her parents are an added complication to this mix that may hamper efforts for you two to get on the right track in God’s view.

In the meantime, if it doesn’t work out, there is a young lady who is also coming out of a sexually immoral past and looking for a Catholic man. I don’t know how old you are, but if things don’t work out for you and your current girlfriend, maybe you and this lady may work out?


#20

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