How to talk to a girl about her weight?

Is there any nice way for a guy to tell a girl that she needs to gain some weight? Would she be offended in any case?

To gain weight. You could tell her that you are worried her weight is not healthy for her. That you care for her which is why you need to talk with her about it. Has she always been this petite or has she lost weight over the years or suddenly?

Are you concerned that she had an eating disorder? If so, I would be as sensitive as possible, and try to discuss things from a medical standpoint - not image. Also, I’d encourage her to see a doctor.

Hinting to a woman that she needs to gain weight is nothing compared to telling her that she needs to lose weight.

Haha, I doubt she would be offended. She might even be flattered considering that modern culture values extreme thinness.

If this girl is your girlfriend, you might take her out for icecream, pizza, hamburger and other fattening food!

I’ve been in Overeater’s Anonymous for years, and yes, anorexics can and do use OA. From what I know, most women are painfully aware of their weight or lack of.

Best thing you can do for your friend is tell her you’re concerned about her and her excessive thinness, tell her you are there for her, and continue to be available for her. And then leave it at that. The pressure women are under to keep themselves attractive in the US society is insane.

However, if her excessive thinness is due to another condition it would do well also to be available to support her. Best thing is to focus on her, not her appearance. Then pray for her.

my 2 cents…

give it up unless you are her doctor, there is no way you can win with this conversation

I understand, my husband tells me I need to lose weight, Im 4’10" and about 118lbs.
My point is though that if she does infact have an eating disorder, it can be very hard on that girl to be told she needs to gain weight. I have dealt with my own eating disorders as a young teen. It can feel worse then being told you need to lose weight.

Thanks for the replies. I think I’m just gonna play it cool right now and not broach the subject.

You might as well tell her that you would be happier if she looked better, that looking better is better than looking worse.

Some of us are just naturally thin. I’m 5’9" and stayed at about 110lb until I was 25. I used to wish I could gain weight so it would be easier to find clothes that fit and I could fill them out properly. Now that I’m married therefore cooking bigger meals and nursing a baby, that’s not a problem anymore.

Of course, if you think she has a medical problem, please try to get her some help.

I have to agree with ejlo1. She may just be naturally thin. But… if she does have a medical problem, you may need to get her help. Holding back on getting her help is not the loving thing to do.

Coming from someone who has struggled with an eating disorder for years, if you suspect she might have one, be very sensitive about it. Weight issues and women are very complicated and even though people might think that it’s okay because you’re not telling her to lose weight, it could affect her. If you do say something, be ready for any kind of reaction and be sympathetic.

I get very touchy if people other than my doctor talk to me about my weight.

I am one of those girls who is very skinny. We KNOW we’re skinny. We hear it ALL the TIME. We eat as much as we can and can’t gain weight. People either tell us we’re lucky or that we need to gain weight or that we should never have children because we’ll break (never mind some very tiny Italian and Portuguese ladies I know with six or seven kids). No matter how much we eat, we can visibly count our ribs and we’re always cold because we have little fat.

I find it EXTREMELY condescending, patronizing, and unflattering when people who are not medical professionals or my parents (who know what’s healthy weight/shape for me) feel the need to talk to me about something I already am well aware of. If I’ve been stressed or busy and haven’t eaten much or healthily, it’s one thing. But unless I’m showing signs of unhealthiness or an eating disorder, my figure is really no one’s concern.

Whatever happened to letting women know they are beautiful and loved no matter how much or how little we weigh? The beauty industry gives us enough reason to criticize ourselves. Our families, friends, boyfriends, husbands, etc should be countering it, not adding to it. Worry about things from a health perspective, not a weight one. Natural body types are different for each woman.

With all due respect to the female gender, telling a woman she has gained weight is about as bright as attaching meat to your armpits and walking into a lions den.

Nothing wrong with that kind of food every now and then, but it’s easy to get into bad habits! If one wants to have a healthy build, it’s probably better to eat all-around healthy - I guess it’ll take longer but without all the problems of junk food.

No, there is not a tactful way to tell her she is too thin.

Unless you think she has an eating disorder, leave it alone. Believe it or not, there are people in this world who try to gain weight and no matter how much they eat, they can’t do it. I have a very thin friend who has this problem. She tries to gain weight and she can’t and she gets so sick of people saying they wish they were as thin as she is without having to work at it. It is offensive. If this girl is really too thin, I am sure she is already aware of it and you don’t need to make her feel worse about it.

In all seriousness, I find that I talk to my female friends about their weight, in particular if I think they’re too thin. I have one very good friend whom I was quite worried about. I brought it up with both her and her husband, and they both swear she’s fine. I find it hard to believe.

Say something. Just bring it up. I’d rather have a healthy friend who is mad at me than a sick friend who loves me dearly.

Coming from another rediculusly thin girl (19 years old, 105 lbs., 5’6’’, size 0, etc.), if you know her well enough and are worried, by all means tell her. But, if you can’t do it nicely, don’t. My boyfriend always says “you know Emily, I love you no matter what, I don’t care if you’re tiny or larger, I’ll always love you, but you’ll probably be healthier if you gain five or ten pounds.” Now, I don’t have an eating disorder (possibly a gluten intolerance) and I eat a lot, but always feel ******. But, if you know she eats, etc., then it may not be a big deal. Maybe she’s just tiny…maybe she’s always sick. I guess you should bring up weight and see what she says…But, do this at your own discreation… she could be really really upset.

By the way, how small is she?

In addition to the suggestions you’ve received (being sensitive, focusing on her health and not her figure) you may want to consider her age. I was skinnier than a rail until I was about 23. I ate absolutely everything, I just didn’t “fill out” a number of my friends were also like this. Sadly, such good fortune does not often endure. Although, some women remain naturally very very thin throughout their lives… most of us have to eat healthy and exercise at some point. :slight_smile: That point seems to be after the age of 25.

There are many medical conditions that can cause a person to be very thin, not even including psychological conditions like stress and anxiety or eating disorders. If you do bring it up with her I would be careful to not accuse her of having an eating disorder, diagnosing the problem is best left to her doctor… just suggest she go in for a visit.

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