How will I tell my father?


#1

I was baptized orthodox when i was a child like my father. My mother is Catholic. But i was always much more attracted to the the Catholic religion. So recently i have decided to change my religion to Catholic, being that also that my husband is Catholic. I have spoke to the priest and now I must start taking the lessons.
Last time I spoke with the priest about what I have to do he asked me what my parents think about my decision and i honestly told him that they don't know since I am afraid to tell them.
He told me that since I am certain that my decision is the correct one I shouldn't be afraid to tell them.
Now i spoke with my mother. She was very happy. She said she wanted to baptize me Catholic to begin with but my father and his family were against it. But she asked me not to tell my father right now because he is nervous with the work.
I am not very much scared of what he will say to me. I am scared my father will blame my mother. I asked him many times what is his opinion on changing religious just to know what he thinks and he was always against it.
My father is a person that thinks that everything turns around him, he is the smartest, he knows better, and that everybody must listen to him. He chose everything in my life: school, my career (which I hate), when we were going to restaurant with family he was choosing what everybody else ate etc.He likes to be the boss and when this doesn't happen he blames my mother for it. Most of the decision he made for me were bad but he said he had to do them since I didn't know what i want.
Who should I listen now, the priest who said I should tell them or my mother who is asking me to wait?


#2

I might listen to my mother for a little while. But it only buys her time.. eventually your father will find out so wouldn't it be better to tell him first?

I would probably start the conversation w/ my father by stating, "This has NOTHING to do with my mother.. it is a decision that I, along with my husband have prayerfully made... "


#3

You are in a difficult situation and there is, I feel, no glib easy way out. May I say you seem to be afflicted with a somewhat disabling and unfortunate relationship with your parents. Fearful of a domanant father and overly protective of a dominated mother. This is not an easy place to be and I have sympathy.

Just an idea which may or may not be possible in your circumstances but perhaps inviting your husband along when you speak to your father in order to have him "back up" your assertions that your mother had no act or part in your decision might help. If your dad is a traditional orthodox father as it appears he may be ( and that has many strengths ) he will presumably accept your having regard to your husband's views - a regard which is natural and proper to a Christian lady be she orthodox or catholic and which clearly he expects of your mother.

That said welcome home to the Church of Our Lord my sister. I wish you and your parents and husband many blessings.


#4

[quote="Aboveallbereal, post:3, topic:212902"]
You are in a difficult situation and there is, I feel, no glib easy way out. May I say you seem to be afflicted with a somewhat disabling and unfortunate relationship with your parents. Fearful of a domanant father and overly protective of a dominated mother. This is not an easy place to be and I have sympathy.

Just an idea which may or may not be possible in your circumstances but perhaps inviting your husband along when you speak to your father in order to have him "back up" your assertions that your mother had no act or part in your decision might help. If your dad is a traditional orthodox father as it appears he may be ( and that has many strengths ) he will presumably accept your having regard to your husband's views - a regard which is natural and proper to a Christian lady be she orthodox or catholic and which clearly he expects of your mother.

That said welcome home to the Church of Our Lord my sister. I wish you and your parents and husband many blessings.

[/quote]

Thank you so much, this is a great advice. I never thought of bringing my husband. But now i realize i would have more courage with him. More then this my husband will not care if my father will blame him for this. My mother would care.

And you guessed my situation right. My fathers is dominant. Since I started taking decisions for myself I managed to repair some of his wrong ones and make my life better. I still have sometimes some feeling of hatred and anger for him for taking decisions in my name and treating my mother like she is the servant and he is the prince. I am trying hard to repress these thoughts since I know it's a sin. I remind myself that he loves me very much and that he worked hard to raise me and my sister. And he really can't understand where he went wrong. I tried to explain but he doesn't get it. I don't know how many times my father ever recognized in front of somebody that he made a mistake.

In the end thank you so much for your nice words and i can't wait to be part of The Catholic Church. I wished for it for so many years.


#5

[quote="Aboveallbereal, post:3, topic:212902"]
You are in a difficult situation and there is, I feel, no glib easy way out. May I say you seem to be afflicted with a somewhat disabling and unfortunate relationship with your parents. Fearful of a domanant father and overly protective of a dominated mother. This is not an easy place to be and I have sympathy.

Just an idea which may or may not be possible in your circumstances but perhaps inviting your husband along when you speak to your father in order to have him "back up" your assertions that your mother had no act or part in your decision might help. If your dad is a traditional orthodox father as it appears he may be ( and that has many strengths ) he will presumably accept your having regard to your husband's views - a regard which is natural and proper to a Christian lady be she orthodox or catholic and which clearly he expects of your mother.

That said welcome home to the Church of Our Lord my sister. I wish you and your parents and husband many blessings.

[/quote]

One thing to be careful of, you may end up with your father hating your husband. You may want to consider confronting him yourself and repeatedly emphasize that you came to the conclusion on your own. And don't back down. Domineering people expect people to come under their authority. If you refuse to back down, it will take him out of his zone and will give you an advantage. I'm not saying to be aggressive (don't walk up to him, punch him in the mouth, and say, "Hey Dad, I'm Catholic!" ).

My wife has a domineering father who despises me, mainly because I don't put up with his garbage and I defend my wife. At some point you may have to give the responsibility of defending yourself to your husband, that's what we hairy manly men are called to do for our wives.

EDIT: Sorry, didn't read your second post all the way through. If your husband doesn't care, then blame him! ;) That's what I tell my wife to do. :D


#6

I finally told my father. He was angry in the begining but when he saw that there is no way to change my mind he changed the subject. Everytime i tried to talk to him again in the last 2 weeks he is changing the subject.


#7

I am late coming into this but you might want to email him a few of the articles from both sides on the talks the Orthodox Church and the Catholic Church are having about coming into Full Communion and closing the Schism. Many that are Cradle Orthodox or Cradle Catholics do not always realize how close we really are and this may lessen his angst a bit to know we may soon be One Church after all.

Now close eyes and sing "It's a small a world" and hug an Anglican. - LOL.


closed #8

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