How would you ask someone out at school?

So I am 17 years of age and I have prayed to the Lord whether or not I should persue this girl I have found interest in at my school. I haven’t gotten an exact answer, but I feel like I should just take a step and see where it goes from there.

So now that I have made the decision to take a step towards this possible vocation, I just need to ask how to do this. I’m in a difficult situation because I have no classes with her, I don’t see her in the halls, and I only once so often see her before and after school. The only reason why I have found interest in this girl is because she is a committed Catholic, she is very active in the community, and that she seems to fit the type of personality I would look for.

If your wondering how I know this without barely seeing to her, about a month ago we were in the same lunch and we talked a lot. But after last month, they switched our lunches sadly so now I barely see her. So now, I’m just wondering how does a guy who has never even thought of dating, confidently approach a girl who I see rarely, and ask her out? Any Advice helps!

Thanks and God Bless!

Are you in a position to marry in a reasonable soon future?

If not; why starting a relationship with someone? How will you exactly plan to spent ten or twelve more years together without getting married? (I mean and at the same time to keep in the right path?)

I am sorry to be rude. Just some questions to consider if you are commited to your faith and to wait before being married.

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Just ask her if she wants to get together and hang out. You’re 17 years old. It’s no big deal. If it happens, great, if it doesn’t, no harm done. And not to put the cart before the horse, but do stay chaste, both in mind and in heart, as well as in deed.

As for any vocation you might have, work with your priest. I would also mention that you like this girl. He needs to know that you have these entirely normal attractions.

Hope it all goes well for you. Be at peace.

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Well, I believe, at least in my opinion that I am mature enough to have a relationship. And the question of whether I am ready to marry or not is something I have contemplated with the Lord in my prayers deeply and I feel like he just wants me to make a decision here. I know not many high school relationships last to marriage, but if I go into the relationship with the intent of marriage, I think its fine. This has been bothering me for a while and I feel like God is telling me to just do something and see where it goes from there:)

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I dont know, I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know how I’m supposed to approach her and have confidence. And believe, at least in my opinion, that I am mature enough to maintain a chaste lifestyle until marriage, this is one reason why I only prefer a partner who has an equivalent or stronger faith than me. And it seems like a good idea to discuss this with my priest, I’ll definitely try that out! Thanks and God bless!

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Figure out a place where you know she will be, such as before school, or at Mass or prayer group, and tell her that you don’t ever get to see her any more and you really miss your talks at lunch and you’d really like to go for coffee with her after school or on the weekend so that you can talk to her some more. If she says she’d like that, then figure out a time to meet up. If she doesn’t seem interested then just give her your number and let her know you’re open to get together if she wants.

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This is actually some of the best advice I’ve heard so far. This actually makes me a lot more confident for some reason. I guess the problem is I just didn’t exactly know what to say when I approach her lol. But thanks so much for the advice and God Bless!

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It may be that she misses talking to you too :slight_smile:

Girls often expect a guy they like to make the first move. If he doesn’t then they just figure he is not interested in them.

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He’s 17, so…no. Definitely not.

It’s possible they’ll have a long courtship and end up marrying. It’s far more likely that they’ll date for awhile and breakup, which is still beneficial because he’ll gain experience in dating and interacting with women. It’s also possible she’ll say no, which is also beneficial because he’ll gain experience asking a girl out and learn that rejection isn’t the end of the world.

Go for it, OP.

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The first time you ask is by far the hardest.

Just start talking, and blurt it out.

Even though you may feel like it, you won’t really get sick.

It’s one of those things that you just have to do that first time.

I don’t remember how many times I dialed part of that girl’s number and hung up without finishing before I managed, but it wasn’t just one . . .

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Same as as me when I met my ex fiancée. She’s married now. And not to me.

Hope all goes well, but be prepared for disappointment

Yep, been there.

In my case, her locker was next to mine. I didn’t know that until the end of the year.

Be her FRIEND first. I am sick of people who should know better telling folks to not date friends. That is exactly what you SHOULD do, not shouldn’t.

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School relationships are meant to not last. Also there is a lot to consider before marrying someone and you should know all of those things such as compatability, finances, before dating someone seriously.

It’s not about being mature enough or even being chaste (although that’s important). It’s about the right choices at the right time. There just isn’t any point to courting if marriage isn’t in the very foreseeable future. While it would be okay to keep your friendship going for the time being, you’re very young, and you want to keep your future options open right now. It’s okay to ask her to a dance, to a movie, to prom, but a high school relationship is rarely serious. Are you graduating this year? Do you even know if you’ll be in the same city next year? You don’t want to get involved simply to put her “on reserve” so she can’t marry someone else until you’re both ready. That’s not fair.

Also keep in mind that she may also consider herself to be not ready for a relationship. Catholic girls have many opinions about dating in their teens, Far more varied than their atheist peers.

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Wanted to add…It’s not that I feel you need to cut her out of your life. As I said feel free to be friends or even do date-like activities like dances within reason. I was primarily advising you against girlfriend/boyfriend-marriage prep exclusive relationships. At this point in life, you should have relationships that allow you to see other people and move forward without broken hearts.

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With all due respect, I just can’t disagree with this strongly enough. Dating is a skill like anything else. If he waits until he’s emotionally, socially and financially ready for marriage, he’ll be what? Mid to late twenties, most likely? And then he meets a lady he’s really interested in but he has no idea how to navigate those waters because he’s never had a girlfriend before?

Telling young people to defer acquiring the skills to date is just setting him up for failure. This is when he’s supposed to be figuring things out; when the training wheels are still on and he’s not trying to figure out lifelong commitments. Don’t send him up to the plate in the big game never having gone to batting practice.

I agree that he shouldn’t get in too deep, of course. But it’s entirely normal and natural for him to start dating at this point.

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Haha, Classic.

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I understand your position and I respect it as well. As I said, I have no problem with teens asking each other out for a night, or to a dance.

I’ve just seen too many high school students get sidetracked from their other goals in life because they have drama with their 4 month girlfriend or boyfriend. I’ve seen 15 year olds mope for months about a bad breakup, or lose out on fun times with their friends spending all their time with one person.

Maybe I’m too strict about it. I have no kids of my own yet so I don’t know how I’ll behave if and when the time comes for me to have teens. I’m a very logic-oriented person. It’s hard for me to understand someone having a practice or skill-building relationship. In fairness, I don’t think I’m the only one on here who advises against teen dating.

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You seem to be assuming that people do not get married until they are 27-29 years old. It very much depends upon your culture and your aspirations. Sure, if you want to spend a lot of years going to college, undertaking postgraduate training to become a doctor or lawyer, maybe taking time to study abroad or travel, then you cannot get married until you are 27-29 at the earliest.

One of our sons got married at 18. And this was recently, not in some bygone era. He had figured out early on that he did not wish to pursue an academic or professional route in life. He wanted to work with his hands, to work outdoors. He and his sweetheart since childhood just wanted to get married and begin their life together, and they had 100% support from us, from her parents, and the pastor at the church both our families attend. They are very happy and I think they have a good life founded on faith, family, and hard work.

It also depends where you live/want to live. If you want to live in some place like New York or London, you will be probably well into your 30s before you can afford a family home. We do not have that problem here in the beautiful state of Wyoming.

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Just keep in mind, this girl is not a possible vocation. A date is just that, a date. Dating is part of discerning the vocation of marriage, but, you are nowhere near that right now!

When you see her before or after school, simply ask for her number and the ask her to coffee.

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He’s not courting. He’s asking a high school classmate on a date.

I don’t know where people got the idea that every social date has to be about “courting”, but it’s incorrect, and my mother who was born in 1925 would have disagreed with that as well.

If you’re 30 years old and definitely in the market to be married within a certain timeframe, then the “courting” aspect becomes more important. High school kids are not in that boat and are simply looking to have some fun, develop social skills, and learn to get along with a person of opposite gender so that one day they can have a good healthy marital relationship.

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