How would you ask someone out at school?

People should date. They don’t have to wait until they’re at the age to marry to start!


If it were Lent, I would do it this way. Sadly, I don’t know how to do it in Advent :neutral_face:


Call her or text her…?

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No 17 year old is dating solely for the purpose of getting married soon. Of course you shouldn´t date anyone unless there´s a chance you´d wanna be together and get married as the ultimate goal of the relationship. But to tell a 17 year old that he can´t date unless he plans to marry the girl soon shows a lack of understanding.

He´s just 17! He´s supposed to be having fun and relationships at that age aren´t that big of a deal. And with regards to your questions about his seriousness in the faith, I think it´s quite obvious that he´s serious as he actually seems to care a lot about her work in their Catholic community/parish. It´s appears to be significantly important to him that she is a practicing Catholic.

I would say to could perhaps ask her out and see if there´s a connection there or not. As @HomeschoolDad says, if it happens then great, and if not, no harm is truly done.

But of course, always remember to have boundaries and in the long run; make sure that you want this relationship from the right reasons - and not because of loneliness or a feeling of unfullfillment, which is the reason why some people desire love.

But at this point, enjoy it for what it is and don´t take it too seriously! :slight_smile:


Do you have any way to contact her that isn’t in person? If you have her phone number or some kind of social media, reach out there if you’re nervous about directly approaching her in person. I know sometimes it seems more confident and masculine to speak to her directly in person, and to an extent it does, but doing it a little less directly cushions the blow for both of you if she isn’t interested. I would do like another user mentioned, say something about how you miss your talks at lunch and ask if she’d like to get coffee or something similar some time!
I saw a lot of comments here about how it’s unlikely your potential relationship with her would lead to marriage, and thus you shouldn’t pursue it, but I disagree. Even if it doesn’t lead to marriage, there’s a lot to learn about about yourself and how to have a healthy relationship from failed relationships. Just go for it! Relax and be yourself. :slight_smile:


Good advice, but there are scads of young people, usually with no real plans for the future, who get married as soon as they get out of high school. Very often, the groom is two or three years older. I know a lady who married her high school sweetheart two weeks after graduation. They are still together forty years later, three wonderful children, the son a minister (Lutheran), the daughters, one biological, one adopted, bunches of grandchildren. So far as I am aware, they are still passionately in love and have a wonderful (if financially modest) life together.

So it can happen, but it’s not the best chance to take.


My own son has just started this stage. He asked this girl over for airsoft battles along with his usual gang of friends. Then she asked him over to work on Minecraft (they share a server), and help with her yard work. In both cases, parents were there and it was kind of an extended visit. He wants to take her to an arcade, as she has never been. I am going to allow it, when we next run to the mall area, meaning, his parents will be with them. No only does this keep things safe (for now), it is a better way of defining the relationship as a friend that you like that’s a girl, because she’s a girl.

They are a year younger than you.

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Kind of depends on what you think of as a “family home.” It’s just a totally different lifestyle. My friends aunt lives in Manhattan. She’s a physician and her husband is a tenured professor. In most parts of the country, they’d easily be able to afford a 6000 square foot home. In Manhattan, they live in a two bedroom apartment and don’t own a car. And I never got the impression they felt cramped or anything; they’ve just always lived in an urban environment so it’s just normal to them.


My first couple of dates were unmitigated disasters. The first time I asked a girl out was 7th-8th grade, and I had been harboring a crush on her for a long time, so I somehow obtained her phone number and then just rang her up. I didn’t merely ask her on a date. Nope, there was hardly any small talk when I went right for the trophy: I asked her to go steady. Then she launched into her explanation of already having a boyfriend, and I was mortified.

The second attempt at dating was a couple years into high school, I saw a gorgeous blonde at the dance (she went to the girls’ school, I to the boys’, we mixed at dances.) I think she willingly gave me her phone number (I still remember all of them perfectly) and she agreed to go out with me! Mirabile dictu, I had my first date.

The agreed venue was a movie theater at a mall downtown. I had Mom drop me off – didn’t drive yet. My date showed up with another girl in tow. That was shocking to me, but I played it smoothly. We seemed to get along during the film – Peggy Sue Got Married but after agreeing to a second date (another movie at the mall???) she stood me up plain and simple.

My love life has never been particularly rosy, and I should’ve discerned religious life as a teenager. I’m 48 years old and single now, with essentially no vocation discerned. I am satisfied and happy with my life, but there’s still a longing to be more.

Guessing it was something like “HiThisIsAnestiWillYouBeMyGirlfriendILikeYourHairOkBye.”

(Slams Mountain Dew, passes out)

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First date… not sure if I remember. First knockback… still cringe when I think about it some 46 years later. Lol. Message to OP. Just go for it son and put whatever happens in your inner experience folder. If everything goes belly-up, just remember: someone once said “If reincarnation is true, then I want to come back rich and good looking! This ‘great personality’ thing isn’t really working!”

Airsoft, Minecraft, and Mountain Dew — all of this sounds very, very familiar.

Such is life with a teenager in the year 2020. There are far worse things they could be doing. My son is pestering me to get with the local homeschool group, once people are able to interact normally again, without fear of COVID, so he can have some IRL friends.

Sounds like a nice, chaste, chaperoned “teen date” to me.

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