How Would you Confess the Sin of Denying Conjugal Love to your Husband(or Wife)?


#1

Ladies(or Men) if Your Spouse is Guilty of Masturbation, They are Expected Confess it as, Masturbation or Impure Self Gratification and rightfully so confess this sin. How Would you Confess the Sin of Denying Conjugal Love to your Husband(or Wife)?

We know that denying your spouse Conjugal Love in Marriage is a sin. We have seen several post on the Forums dealing with this issue either wife or husband denying their spouse.

From Corinthians we see:

1 Corinthians 7: 4-5

4 A wife does not have authority over her own body, but rather her husband, and similarly a husband does not have authority over his own body, but rather his wife.

5 Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.

From Pope John Paul II:
John Paul II also says that if the only reason a couple is having sex is to transmit life, then they may be in danger of using each other rather than loving each other (see Love & Responsibility p. 233).

Also, John Paul describes the “beatifying experience” of conjugal union as a foretaste of the joys of heaven (see TB, Dec 16, 1981 and Jan 13, 1982). In Love & Responsibility, by his detailed discussion of the husband’s responsibility - out of authentic love for his wife - to see that she achieves sexual climax (see Love & Responsibility pp. 270-278).

CCC States:

V. THE GOODS AND REQUIREMENTS OF CONJUGAL LOVE

1644 The love of the spouses requires, of its very nature, the unity and indissolubility of the spouses’ community of persons, which embraces their entire life: "so they are no longer two, but one flesh."153 They "are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving."154 This human communion is confirmed, purified, and completed by communion in Jesus Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony. It is deepened by lives of the common faith and by the Eucharist received together.

1646 By its very nature conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the gift of themselves which they make to each other. Love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement “until further notice.” The "intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them."157

III. THE LOVE OF HUSBAND AND WIFE

2360 Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament.

2361 "Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death."143

"The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude."145 Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:

2364 The married couple forms "the intimate partnership of life and love established by the Creator and governed by his laws; it is rooted in the conjugal covenant, that is, in their irrevocable personal consent."147 Both give themselves definitively and totally to one another. They are no longer two; from now on they form one flesh


#2

Just like any other sin – go to confession and confess it. Are you talking about denying conjugal love in a situation where the spouse is cheating? You didn’t say that, so I thought I’d ask.

Alan


#3

Never really thought of that, but, No. No reference to cheating implied. Just regular day to day, “I don’t want to give of myself to you today,” type thing.


#4

Sex on demand isn’t part of marriage. Giving sex on demand actually harms the person to whom it’s given. By demand I mean, “I want, so you have to.”


#5

I am uncertain now what you are asking. Are you saying that a man or woman can NEVER refuse sex because of the occasional difference in libido, or are you discussing a habitual problem? Both situations would be different.


#6

Chevalier, “Just regular day to day”, not necessarily meaning daily sexual encounters. This is just an expression.

Deb1, “Are you saying that a man or woman can NEVER refuse sex because of the occasional difference in libido,”

Their are instances when postponing relations, is for the good of one’s spouse. Like, End of Term Pregnancies and Postpartum Recovery. Also after other significant medical or physically debilitating events. Lots of others too.


#7

Whewwwww because at nine months pregnant I was about to say me no wantin’ the lovin’ hardly feels sinful… LOL :stuck_out_tongue:

BUT where I am still unclear on what you are asking:

– Are you asking this question as the one denying sex? Should you feel guilty and therefor confess it? Well…if so…it’s YOUR sin and if you feel you need to confess than by all means – do so! We can’t tell you what to confess…that’s between you and God.

– Are you saying perhaps that you should point out to the spouse doing the denying that they ought to confess?

If so, my answer is no, one’s sin to confess is one’s own business. My spouse does not tell me what to confess – nor do I tell him. No matter our sin, what we know of it, or if we don’t even like it, it’s a personal thing: confession.


#8

KC,

You are too funny;). “-- Are you saying perhaps that you should point out to the spouse doing the denying that they ought to confess?” ---- This is closer to what I was asking about.

“one’s sin to confess is one’s own business. My spouse does not tell me what to confess – nor do I tell him. No matter our sin, what we know of it, or if we don’t even like it, it’s a personal thing: confession.”

I hear what you are saying, about Confession being personal, but look at the Ref. I originally posted. Like:

V. THE GOODS AND REQUIREMENTS OF CONJUGAL LOVE

1644 The love of the spouses requires, of its very nature, the unity and indissolubility of the spouses’ community of persons, which embraces their entire life: "***so they are no longer two, but one flesh.***"153 They “are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving.”

One of the main aspects of the Sacrament of Marriage is for each Spouse to help the other get to Heaven. I am not saying you keep a list of their sins and drag them to Confession, but I can tell you from experience that going to confession separately and then praying together afterwords in church after you individually say your Contritions, is a deeply moving Spiritual and Cleansing experience.


#9

So the two are one, and if they can’t get it together physically maybe they can get together in confession by going at almost the same time?

How we confess is an interesting discussion. Another one would be what constitutes sinful withholding. What is a reasonable time to expect to wait if you are ready and your partner isn’t? I don’t really think we can pin these things down to cookbook answers but don’t we need a specific rule of law and sin before we can imply someone has broken it? Maybe it has to do with breaking the spirit of a rule rather than the letter of it.

Alan


#10

My wife has a lot of anxiety about going to confession, so she likes for me to go with her for support. Maybe because sometimes she if she does not get enough sleep or it has been a tough day with the kids, she can be a really bad girl.:stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue: So we will go to the same priest one after the other or get in two different lines and meet in the pew to say our Contritions separately. Then say a prayer or two together.

“Another one would be what constitutes sinful withholding. What is a reasonable time to expect to wait if you are ready and your partner isn’t?”

Only God and the person withholding really know weather you are withholding due to some physical issue or you are just being lazy and do not want to extend the extra effort to give to your marriage or spouse. It would be similar if a husband was an Attorney, Accountant or other hourly wage earner, said I have done enough work this week or I am to tired to go to work today or I have a headache, so I am not going to work/do anything extra for my marriage or wife this week. Different activity but same principal.


#11

This is PROBABLY a funny story / joke rather than a true story, because I can’t remember where I heard it, but here goes:

A woman took quite some time in the confessional, at times the volume got a little high, and at one point the priest could be heard to say, “Madam, please limit your confession to YOUR OWN SINS.”

See what I mean? Probably just a funny. :smiley: And now back to our original thread topic…


#12

Sense our Engaged Encouter, a couple of decades ago, I have heard of this a couple of times too, from Priest, that the wife will come in the Confessional and rattle off her sins and the things her husband does, to make her sin.:rolleyes: But of course, NOT this Hubby.:cool: It always makes me laugh too.


#13

OK Guardian, along that line a good friend of mine, a priest, has often made jokes to many about how many times wives confess for their husband’s. LOL

I think if you are having a problem with getting the nookie it’s a problem that can be dealt with in couples counceling or retreat type things. As well as just good old fashioned TALKING with your spouse. Personally, and this is just me and my little opinion: but I would be FURIOUS if my DH suggested I go to confession and tell my priest I have been denying him – even IF it’s true.

Again, I don’t need anyone telling me what my sins are – especially to confess. Telling me I am wrong I can handle, but telling me to take it to confession…whoa! Overstepping.

A recent homily at my church was about the degrees of sin and people not taking the Eucharist over lesser-sins. The priest was saying he wanted people to offer the sins during the opening act of contrition, and unless you have a BIG SIN you should be taking the eucharist. Now I know while you may not be getting the love you need, this isn’t like she’s committing adultry.

You said:

It would be similar if a husband was an Attorney, Accountant or other hourly wage earner, said I have done enough work this week or I am to tired to go to work today or I have a headache, so I am not going to work/do anything extra for my marriage or wife this week. Different activity but same principal.

So I think if you addressed your wife with this and how it’s HURTING you, you would get a lot further than encouraging confession in an effort to point out she’s “sinning” or breaking church law. I think you’ll get a whole LOT further discussing it this way than even bringing up going to confession! You said yourself she’s nervous about going! That isn’t going to relax her into the lovin’!

That’s just my two cents, do with it what you will!


#14

Denying oneself to the other spouse, does seem lazy and selfish. A husband not helping the wife with the garden or wife not wanting to cook or keep the house because they just don’t want to seems a little childish. Hardly what the Lord calls us to do in a self giving marriage.


#15

KC, Thanks Dear, Great advice.

“Personally, and this is just me and my little opinion: but I would be FURIOUS if my DH suggested I go to confession and tell my priest I have been denying him – even IF it’s true.” ----- Well I would go to Confession IF, I ever denied my wifey:p ---- Point well taken.

“So I think if you addressed your wife with this and how it’s HURTING you, you would get a lot further than encouraging confession in an effort to point out she’s “sinning” or breaking church law.” ----- Right, I think that hitting your spouse over the head with a Bible or CCC then dragging them to Confession would be counter productive too.:smiley:

And, thanks a million for “your two cents” I think that’s why we all gather here to share different ideas and hint & tips.:thumbsup:


#16

I was focusing on your, “I don’t want to give of myself to you today.”

Their are instances when postponing relations, is for the good of one’s spouse. Like, End of Term Pregnancies and Postpartum Recovery. Also after other significant medical or physically debilitating events. Lots of others too.

There needs to be more charity in it than wondering whether a small headache is not enough to refuse sex and whether a medium headache will just suffice, or being sad over a broken nail isn’t enough, while being sad over the loss of a friend excuses it. It’s not a legal claim, not an obligation like rent or salary or child support. If there’s a habit of not being in the mood, then perhaps there is a problem. If one thinks such a habit is not a problem, then there is surely a problem.

I think, overall, that committing an actual sin here is a bit harder than you think it is.


#17

Chev,

“If there’s a habit of not being in the mood, then perhaps there is a problem. If one thinks such a habit is not a problem, then there is surely a problem.”------ That’s what I am referring too.

“I think, overall, that committing an actual sin here is a bit harder than you think it is.” ------ Perhaps, but this is what the Bible and CCC say, See post #1 above.

1 Corinthians 7: 4-5

5 Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.

"III. THE LOVE OF HUSBAND AND WIFE

2360 Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament."

As I said in post #10 “Only God and the person withholding, really know weather you are withholding due to some physical issue or you are just being lazy and do not want to extend the extra effort to give to your marriage or spouse.”


#18

Perhaps the one spouse is witholding because the other spouse wants to engage in practices forbidden by the Church.


#19

That subject has gotten a lot of input on the Forums lately. This from CCC:

2362 "The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude."145 Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:

The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.146

Not really strict rules, but common sense and dignity do prevail.


#20

I’ve been wondering, what is this exactly? ^^;;


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