Hubby and I are locked in a standstill over having a baby


#1

Hello,

Is there anyone out there in my boat?

I am a convert, married to a man who was raised Catholic and is an Agnostic. We have four kids. I've been struggling with this issue for a while now. I keep feeling like I am being called to have another baby. My husband doesn't want any more kids. We use NFP. Money would be tight with another baby, but we would manage. I'm 35, so I'm running out of time to have anymore without serious health risks. I've been praying about this, and the baby fever isn't leaving at all. If anything it keeps getting worse.

Does anyone have advice? Please also pray for us to find a way to resolve this issue. :shrug:

Kayla


#2

I’ll pray for you two, definitely.

I might get in trouble for this. As a caveat, I want to say that I love kids, they’re great, can’t wait to have my own, etc, etc.

However, 4 kids is a large amount for some men. Some men MIGHT view (might is key word) it as. “Jeez, we have 4 together-I work like a dog to support my family-I can’t take another one!” I’m not saying anything to insult your husband here-I’m sure not all men think this way, but some might.

4 kids is a blessing, but some times the more isn’t the merrier.

By no means do I mean to offend anyone, so I apologize in advance


#3

[quote="kbleau, post:1, topic:186780"]
Hello,

Is there anyone out there in my boat?

I am a convert, married to a man who was raised Catholic and is an Agnostic. We have four kids. I've been struggling with this issue for a while now. I keep feeling like I am being called to have another baby. My husband doesn't want any more kids. We use NFP. Money would be tight with another baby, but we would manage. I'm 35, so I'm running out of time to have anymore without serious health risks. I've been praying about this, and the baby fever isn't leaving at all. If anything it keeps getting worse.

Does anyone have advice? Please also pray for us to find a way to resolve this issue. :shrug:

Kayla

[/quote]

You alone could never be called to have another baby, only you and your husband together could be called.

In my opinion if you push your husband too much, or make him feel bad you will create a rift between you. Count your blessings, 4 children is a large family.


#4

Dear Kayla,

Praying for you, your husband, and your family from today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

Psalm 130 (131)
Childlike trust in God

Whoever makes himself as humble as one of these little ones will be greater in the kingdom of heaven.

Lord, I do not puff myself up or stare about,
or walk among the great or seek wonders beyond me.
Truly calm and quiet I have made my spirit:
quiet as a weaned child in its mother’s arms –
like an infant is my soul.

Let Israel hope in the Lord, now and for all time.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be,
world without end.
Amen.

Whoever makes himself as humble as one of these little ones will be greater in the kingdom of heaven.

Concluding Prayer

Lord, keep your family always in your care.
Our only hope is in your divine grace:
keep us always under your protection.

Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
God for ever and ever.
Amen.


#5

I have heard that to use NFP is acceptable if the wife has health issues or is waiting for surgery where she shouldn’t be pregnant. It is OK to use NFP to space kids but to use it for years on end in order to have no more children by some is considered a sin.

Nonetheless, it appears you husband is not interested in another child or practicing the Catholic religion. I pray God guides in the proper path to take

CM


#6

Kayla, I understand how you feel. My husband and I have four kids and I would dearly love to have at least as many more. As a matter of fact, I told him before we got married that I wanted a dozen. He told me that he wanted to finish having kids by the time he turned thirty, so he could enjoy them while he was young and then enjoy doing things with me after they moved out. Well, it turns out that it is very hard to have twelve kids in five years. ;)

I know now that with each successive pregnancy, my husband worried more and more about providing for us. He has always taken his role as breadwinner very seriously. He has always been aware that more people means more expense. He was, frankly, frightened of what would happen to our family if we had "too many" children and took action to see that we wouldn't.

In the years since, I have often felt the urge, the desire, the compulsion to hold a baby of my own and feed him and rock him and hold him. I spend at least a solid month every year or two wishing and praying for a miracle to add to our family. I peruse adoption websites and medical websites looking for a "solution" to my wishes.

There are times when my husband expresses regret over not being able to have any more children or the willingness to adopt. However, I know him well enough to know that these feelings will probably not result in action. Instead, I spend my time in prayer asking God to align both our desires with His divine will. I know that no matter what I want, it is God's will that is most important. I have (almost) stopped asking for babies and started asking for guidance. I pray that God will teach me more each day how to love my husband the way he deserves to be loved, the way God loves him.

You want advice, so I advise you to pray. Do not nag your husband so much that he will make a choice now that he will regret later. Give your desire to God and let Him use it to bring you and your husband closer to Him, because as you both draw closer to Him, you will inevitably draw closer to each other.

Hugs and prayers from someone who has been (and sometimes still is) where you are now.:hug1:


#7

My husband and I had a difference of opinion after our fourth child. I wanted another so badly and he was happy with what we had. Mostly his concerns were finances and our ability to handle another one. My resolution was this: I was careful about spending money -- only buying things we needed and not things I wanted. As a sacrifice I even gave up buying anything new for myself or the house unless I absolutely needed it for a period of time. I made dinner myself as much as I could instead of going out to eat to save money (plus my husband loves my cooking!). I also tried to do as many things as I could myself instead of constantly asking him for help. If I went shopping I took all the kids with me so he wouldn't have to take care of them. Everyone came to their siblings practices and I never asked him to take someone unless there was no way I could do it myself. In fact the only kid I would leave at home was the napping baby and I tried to be back before the baby woke. I tried to do as many of the household chores on my own and enlisted the kids to help me instead of him. Now I should clarify that my husband is a hard-working man with a very demanding job so it does leave little time for him to do extras around the house. I realized it was not fair for me to ask him to do the dishes in his few off hours when he could really use the time to get some household repairs done or just enjoy some time with his kids. I didn't complain or badger him, because he already knew how I felt.

Then I prayed. I knew I was giving it my all and I asked God to either make this feeling go away or changed my husband's heart. In a few months my husband out of the blue said he wanted to try to have another baby. And here we are a few months later expecting our fifth baby. (BTW, please pray that everything goes well in this pregnancy :)


#8

I was in your shoes… wanted baby #4 so badly… husband was happy with just 3 children. I thought he was being selfish… he thought I was being selfish. I said I felt God wanted me to have another baby… he felt God didn’t. Who was right? Well, there’s only one way to find out. We compromised and decided that for two months we would throw caution to the wind… no NFP… and see what happens. I agreed that after the 2 months, if I didn’t get pregnant, I wouldn’t bug him for a baby again. SUCH a gamble… but I was certain God wanted me to have that baby. So guess what? Despite all those windy nights, two months come and go and I’m not pregnant. :frowning:

And for a few months I didn’t bug him. But I still wanted that baby… and he knew it. So… we threw caution to the wind again… and again… and again… and FINALLY - ta-da! I got pregnant. So…that’s what worked for me. Maybe it was all that sex we were having… maybe that’s why he agreed to keep trying? Because let’s face it… NFP is a drag and all that sex whenever he wanted was so much more fun. So that is how I got my darling baby #4.

… and then three years later SUPRISE… bonus baby #5. Without even asking.

I am going to pray pray pray like crazy that YOUR dear husband changes his mind. Or at least agrees to try one or two or fourteen times… :wink:


closed #9

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