hurting


#1

my husband and I married 7 years ago civily and were going to to be blessed. my husband’s mother died and things came up, so that it was put off and then now 7 years later after completing RCIA (years ago) and waiting patiently to get blessed and a beautiful son that he and I tried for a year to have, he how says he’s can just divorce me and he can remary and that everything is all my fault - not thin enough, rich enough, smart enough, etc.

I mean, he told me how in his “culture” there was no divorce and we would be together forever.

he says it wasn’t a real marriage so he can do what he wants. I say when you go before Jesus and he says you were together before marriage, and then you were “married” to her for 7 years and had a son together that you wanted, then I think Jesus wouldn’t like for you to take the exception clause in marriage as a way out, but that he would want you to stick to it and make things right according to his word - treat you wife good, be committed, BE BLESSED in the church. Didn’t like this cow, so you’ll get another one, right? Obviously I wasn’t a good christian b4 marriage, but I am sure trying to be now.

So many times he said he wanted to get blessed and then postponed it

He’s even taking advice now from no catholic churches and pastors to justify his stance b/c they are not as strict.

Our priest says he will take me in the church if we get a divorce (and I do NOT want a divorce), and I just want to know when the time comes how am I supposed to look at our boy and teach him about the importance of marriage?

I am hurting too much!


#2

my husband and I married 7 years ago civily and were going to to be blessed. my husband’s mother died and things came up, so that it was put off and then now 7 years later after completing RCIA (years ago) and waiting patiently to get blessed and a beautiful son that he and I tried for a year to have, he how says he’s can just divorce me and he can remary and that everything is all my fault - not thin enough, rich enough, smart enough, etc.

I mean, he told me how in his “culture” there was no divorce and we would be together forever.

he says it wasn’t a real marriage so he can do what he wants. I say when you go before Jesus and he says you were together before marriage, and then you were “married” to her for 7 years and had a son together that you wanted, then I think Jesus wouldn’t like for you to take the exception clause in marriage as a way out, but that he would want you to stick to it and make things right according to his word - treat you wife good, be committed, BE BLESSED in the church. Didn’t like this cow, so you’ll get another one, right? Obviously I wasn’t a good christian b4 marriage, but I am sure trying to be now.

So many times he said he wanted to get blessed and then postponed it

He’s even taking advice now from no catholic churches and pastors to justify his stance b/c they are not as strict.

Our priest says he will take me in the church if we get a divorce (and I do NOT want a divorce), and I just want to know when the time comes how am I supposed to look at our boy and teach him about the importance of marriage?

I am hurting too much!


#3

Jenna, I will pray for you. Please stay near Christ and His Church.


#4

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. This is terrible for you and your son.

Your husband is a Catholic and he is saying this? He is way out of line.

Is your husband still living in the same home with you?


#5

So sorry to hear about your situation. Can I just ask one question? What does it mean for the marriage to be “blessed”? And without that, does that make your marriage invalid?


#6

For your marriage to be valid in the church, if it was a civil ceremony, you have to be blessed by a deacon or priest, and so, yes until we do that, it is invalid in the eyes of the church and he is free to remarry whoever he wants


#7

Matthew 19:3-12

3The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

4And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

7They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

8He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

9And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

10His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

11But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

12For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Mark 10:2-12

2And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.

3And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?

** 4And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.

5And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. **

6But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

9What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

10And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.

11And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

12And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

When you did what needs to be done to a child you became one flesh.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Matthew 19:5
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

Matthew 19:6
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Mark 10:8
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

1 Corinthians 6:16
What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

Ephesians 5:31
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.


#8

yes, my husband is living at home. It is a complicated situation because he got a job a few hours away, he wanted me to stay here so he could come back to our home on weekends, and now he says he just wants to be alone, and a divorce.

yes, he is catholic, but there are so many things that he is doing that shows he is not a true catholic. he wants to use birth control, definately does not treat me with respect, and so much more. He just does what he wants, and doesn’t have much regard for the catholic teachings.

I am not completely blaming him, I have my faults too, which although I may fall to my old ways (in terms of being lazy for example), I have been trying to be who he wants, but for every inch I go, it seems he goes a mile forward.


#9

Children are a blessing form the Lord, how can you say your marriage was not blessed? :confused:

Psalm 127

1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the LORD guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.
2 It is vain for you to rise up early,
To sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;
For so He gives His beloved sleep.

3 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
5** Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;**
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.


#10

Jenna, you and your family are in my family’s prayers as well.

Do not despair—God is with you. Allow those who love and support you to bear you up.

Do not worry about what you will teach your son—your conscience is not numbed and you will teach him what he needs to be taught no matter what may come.

I am so sorry to hear of this—so much evil in the world! And yet God guides, comforts, and aids us nonetheless.


#11

yes, I am TRULY blessed to have my son - he is a miracle even more because he and I both almost died at his birth and he was born 3 months early with no problems now. By blessed though I just mean the marriage is not blessed by the church and is invalid then.


#12

Daniel

thank you so much for all those verses. I will print them off. But, before I met my husband I was not pure, so if I tell him we are one flesh, he will just say but you were not pure when you met me. To that I say well, you wanted to be with me before marriage (actually pressured too a little bit), and so if he dated someone else and married them too he would not have been pure either. I have talked to our priest about this and he has told me that I am sorry and to forget the past and before I met my husband and i try to do that, but it seems for every arguement about those verses, he will always say it doesnt’ apply b/c I wasn’t pure. But thank you, those verses mean a lot to me, and I am definately going to keep that in mind and print it off.


#13

Thank you so much. It means a lot to know I am being prayed for :slight_smile:


#14

But if he had a civil ceremony then he is legally married to you and by law would not be allowed to marry another woman as long as you are legally married to him.

And if you get married in the church does that make it a blessed marriage?


#15

[FONT=Arial] [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]I hate to ask you this, but is your husband having an affair. Something sounds very odd about the things he is saying… the kind of lies and excuses a person uses in this circumstance.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial] [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]The best advice I can give you is to go to marriagebuilders.com/. Read all of the material. The book ‘Surviving an Affair’… the book will go a long way to save your marriage whether or not an affair is going on. Read the book… [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial] [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]Read everything on that web site.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial] [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]They have a wonderful forum of people who are going through the same thing your are. They will be of immeasurable help to you. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]You have a window of opportunity here to save your marriage… take it. :thumbsup: [/FONT]


#16

yes, we are legally married , so if we get divorced, it would be a legal divorce. The church does not recognize our marriage as a real marriage, so it is not a marriage in the church (although SEVERAL munks and priests have tried to help us through our problems and get us blessed). So, we are now married legally, but not recognized by the church, and to be blessed is like a short blessing on the marriage to make it a valid marriage to the church. Without that blessing he is free to marry in his religion or in any other religion as long as it’s a valid church wedding too. If we were blessed he could not get married religiously to anyone else without an annulment (but he could civally) and you can only get that annulment then for reasons like it wasn’t a valid church wedding, which he couldn’t argue then b/c it would have been blessed in the church.


#17

I see, thank you for taking the time to explain that to me. I wish you luck with your situation and if I can say one thing, it is that your husband’s a jerk. No matter what, you have your son and if it doesn’t work out, and it is as you say, that the marriage isn’t recognized in the church then if you ho have to get a divorce you could marry a real man who will do right by you and your son, and be a positive example for him.


#18

Thanks Bell, I don’t think he’d do something like that - I mean he is very straight and he’ll tell you like it is. II am very observant. I am very trusting though.I can only say that he says if he ever did, he would tell me straight out. I will look at that site. Thanks! I hope I can turn it around and save it.

Like the previous poster said, yes he can be a jerk, lol, but the thing is that i love the jerk anyway, and with how I view marriage, I don’t know if I could marry later b/c I would be worried it was wrong in god’s eyes, but it’s such a complex subject that I dont’ know, I am still trying to work through everything in my head! Thanks!


#19

I shudder at the thought of this man raising your son. He wanted to be with you before marriage, and now he’s using it as an excuse to leave you, and blaming you? A lot of narcissists do things like that. Some are very, very scary – once you really get to know them.
I admire your wish to honor your marriage contract, but are you in danger? It can creep up slowly.
:eek:


#20

He is not free to remarry in the church. With or without your civil marriage being blessed, he will still have to go through the exact same annulment process that anyone else would have to go through, and he may not be able to prove his case and have his marriage with you annulled. Someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s how I understand it. If he were not already a baptized Catholic, it would be a different story. I’m assuming he was already a baptized Catholic when he married you civilly.

I’m so sorry for your pain. I pray God grants your family peace.


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