Husban an Alcoholic and my son is using Marijuana. Please Advice


#1

I have been married for almost 23 yrs and i've just had it with my husband and with my son. I love them dearly but i can no longer enable them. My husband is an alcoholic and i 1am 100 percent sure he is using cocaine. We have two other daughters 19 and 15, i have decided to move out and rent an apartment just me and the girls. They have seen too much drama and feel guilty for having have allowed it. My husband never wants to talk to me, do anything with me, he always has an attitude, i always end up doing thing just my daughters and me. I have tried with all my strenth to save our marriage, we have gone counseling, he has gone to treatment (which he never finished). I am a devout catholic and pray everyday to god to please heal both my son and husband. Please i need advice any advice will be so appreciated. I will soon will talk to my priest.
God bless!


#2

I don't know what advice I can give. But I just want you to know I am praying for your family.


#3

[quote="adiestrella22, post:1, topic:199091"]
I have been married for almost 23 yrs and i've just had it with my husband and with my son. I love them dearly but i can no longer enable them. My husband is an alcoholic and i 1am 100 percent sure he is using cocaine. We have two other daughters 19 and 15, i have decided to move out and rent an apartment just me and the girls. They have seen too much drama and feel guilty for having have allowed it. My husband never wants to talk to me, do anything with me, he always has an attitude, i always end up doing thing just my daughters and me. I have tried with all my strenth to save our marriage, we have gone counseling, he has gone to treatment (which he never finished). I am a devout catholic and pray everyday to god to please heal both my son and husband. Please i need advice any advice will be so appreciated. I will soon will talk to my priest.
God bless!

[/quote]

Background: I am a recovered alcoholic, 26 years sober.:console:

First, do you go to Al-anon? This is a 12 step program for those affected by another's drinking. Go to Al-anon, no matter what your husband and son may say or do. Check to see if there is a Nar-Anon for those affected by another's drug use. Look in the yellow pages under "alcoholism" and "drug addiction":hug3:


#4

Melody Beattie’s new “Codependent No More”, “Beyond Codependency”, and/or “The New Codependency”, for you and your daughters. The chances are very high that your library will have a copy of one or all of these for you to take for an extended test drive before buying. If I had to choose just one, I guess it would be “The New Codependency”, as it is the most recent edition. Oh, and the book “Addictive Thinking: Understanding Self-Deception” by Abraham J. Twerski is also excellent. Part of healing is going to be wrapping yourself around the thought processes that have been in operation in your family over the years. You can’t beat what you don’t even understand.

Al-Anon and/or Alateen for yourself and your daughters, at least for awhile, for mutual support of people with similar problems.

Personal counselling for yourself and the girls, if you can afford it, because although removing yourself from the drama is no doubt an excellent idea, leaving the problem behind and learning how to deal with the rest of your family either in a healthy way or not at all is going to take more than a change of address.

Spiritual direction.

Whatever you do, do not talk yourself into thinking that you are some special case that those with experience simply do not understand. If there is one time you don’t want to let the idea “thank you, God, that I am not like other men” to cross your brain, this is it. This is a very difficult situation, hard to cope with and easy to try to simply hide from. Avoid hiding.

God be with you!


#5

I’m a recovering alcoholic myself. Through the Grace of a loving God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, my husband and I have a better marriage now than we did before I became an active alcoholic.

There is a misconception about al-Anon that it is for you to learn how to deal with the alcoholic. It’s not about that at all. It is for YOU to learn how to deal with YOU and how his disease has effected you. I urge you to go and get help for yourself and your daughters.

My family and I will be praying for you.

Steph


#6

From one addict to the wife of another-

An addict needs to hit rock bottom to get sober, and I mean he/she needs to lose everything.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you must create a rock bottom for him-take away everything, have an intervention and demand that the drug abuse stops.

Please do it-for your family, yourself, and him…

In my prayers.


#7

Thank you to all of you who have responded to me with advice. I truly appreciate it.
I never thought my life would end up like this. I know nothing is impossible for GOD, but I also know that GOD does not forces us to do what he wants, and my husband has this mentallaty that no one but GOD can help him, which is true but what he does not understand is that there is help out there and that GOD gave this people the gift to help others with addictions. He believes it;s only between him and GOD.

Please continue to pray for me and my family!
GOD BLESS!


#8

[quote="Rascalking, post:6, topic:199091"]
An addict needs to hit rock bottom to get sober, and I mean he/she needs to lose everything.

[/quote]

I used to joke with an eccentric friend of mine that "you can be as crazy as you want, as long as you can hold down a job." The truth is, though, you can be as miserable and dysfunctional as you want, too. If you can make a living and don't ruin your health, you may never have to confront your real problems and the unrealistic nature of your thinking. You can lie and lie and lie to yourself all day long, and lie to a lot of other people, too. If you show up when you're expected and don't forget birthday cards, you can carry around some pretty heavy misery. Let's face it: some of us are addicts, but our addictions are to praiseworthy things. Some of us become co-dependent as a way of dealing with someone else's addiction, but some of us are co-dependents just waiting, as it were, for an addict to happen to us.

I'm not saying we're all secretly miserable or pathologic, but sometimes I think that this is something Our Lady meant when she praised God by saying, "the hungry you fill with good things, while the rich are sent empty away." Sometimes, the greatest grace we can get is to be relieved of the arrogant notion that we're rich, or that we should be, or that we ought to want to be. When we finally reach a poverty even we can't deny, it is the first step to the riches that moths cannot consume, nor thieves break in and steal.


#9

I don't have any earth shattering advice and there are situations that only God can change. Addiction (I feel) is a sin and an evil that needs God's intervention. My daughter is an addict (oxy) and has been fighting a battle for recovery for a few years. Shes 38. She never has turned all this over to God, trying to fight it in the natural when it needs supernatural. She will do good for awhile but then goes back to it. My son was an alcoholic and a few yrs ago, he gave it all to God. He is married now with 2 children. He is 33. Keep praying and don't give up hope. God has his own time table and is always in control, even when it doesn't look that way. I will be praying with you!:signofcross::hug1::blessyou:


closed #10

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