[quote="angifi, post:1, topic:235411"]
I'm hoping someone can help me work through this problem I have.
My husband and I have 5 children. I am Catholic, but my husband is not, so we have struggled to agree on the number of children to have. I want to be open to new life, but he does not.
Our last child was conceived after he had a vasectomy reversal because I knew it was wrong and wanted to "fix" what we had broken.It took three years of practically begging to get him to agree.
I am very grateful to him for doing that.
Last year I fell pregnant unexpectedly and was very happy, but my husband was not. Sadly I miscarried at 10 weeks. Now he says** he does not want to try again until the end of the year.** I think he has given me this date because he hopes I will see things from his perspective and will not want more children. Although he has not suggested contraception, he is using the withdrawal method which just makes me feel so sad.
I am 44, so** I don't feel I have time to waste*. **Also, I believe that we should be open to a child if that is what God wants for our family. *
I'm so lost and sad and don't know what to do (besides pray).
Any suggestions would be appreciated as this issue is seriously straining our relationship(we have been married for 20 years).
I just wanted to clarify -- that this question isn't really about being "open to life" as I understand it. It is about your disagreement on actively TRYING to conceive...is that right?
To me, being open to life is not using artificial birth control. If you are not wanting to conceive, you avoid intercourse on fertile days. If you do, you make it happen on those days.
You say your husband doesn't want to "try" until the new year -- but you guys are having intercourse, as evidenced by your statement about his withdrawing.
Have you discussed or proposed NFP to him? What does he think?
Have you told him that his withdrawing makes you really sad? That it makes you feel used for his pleasure (if you do)? I wonder if you told him, "We can use NFP to try and avoid conceiving at this point, but it means we will abstain on fertile days," if he would change his mind. He would have to understand that it's not 100% (but neither is what he's currently doing.)
I also think there's a difference between wanting another baby, and wanting whatever God wants for you. Does that make sense?
I think the bottom line is, can you guys get together on the idea that, although you may not actively pursue another pregnancy, you would be just fine with it if it happened?