So, we have been married for almost 11 months now. I still consider us newlyweds, but my husband does not seem to want sex anymore. Well, he says he does, but then he does/says things that tell me that he doesn't. But, first, let me give you a little bit of background. We have had problems in our first year of marriage. And, I admit that I can be pretty horrible to him at times, but he also doesn't want to admit that he's not perfect either. He believes that all the problems that we have are rooted in me alone. And, in the last couple months, things for me have gotten worse. I'm pretty sure that I am clinically depressed (and scheduled to see a psychiatrist in two days). I also have gained a little weight since we got married, but I'm not overweight (5'7" and 150 lbs).
We practice NFP and have a LadyComp which tells us which days are non-fertile and which days we should abstain. Since my temps are not steady at all during the month, we get very few "green days." I always tell him when the green days start and that they won't go red again until after my period ends. During the week, we are rarely home together due to either work or other commitments and barely see each other. He refuses to have sex with me unless I have freshly shaved legs b/c it's a turn-off for him. I think it's silly, but the compromise that I made with him is that he needs to have a shaved face b/c unshaven is a turn-off for me.
Let's start with last month, we finally got a green day, and I was willing to stay awake until after he gets home from the fire department (FD) (he doesn't get home until about 10:00 and I have to get up at 5:00 for work), so that we can. But, he tells me that he'd rather go out with his FD buddies for a drink!
Then, this month, we get green days again starting on Tuesday. He has class on Tuesday, so we decide to wait another day until Wednesday. I wake up early in the morning to shave my legs and put something cute on so that when I get home from work, we can enjoy being together. But, he doesn't shave that morning because he forgot or he's in the routine of only shaving for FD days b/c it's a requirement and that it irritates his skin too much if he shaves 2 days in a row. Again, this happened on Friday and Sunday. Saturday we had a huge fight and he didn't talk to me during all day, but had made up Sunday morning. But, the thing is that if he has 2 FD days in a row, he'll shave both days or if we go see him mom on a day in between, he'll shave.
Oh, and by the way he acts, you'd think that he's allergic to cuddling or holding hands or touching of any kind. Any time we kiss, I always initiate it and he takes it no further than a peck on the lips.
I question him in what I think is a "non-threatening" manner, but then he gets mad and tells me that he can do nothing more to show me that he loves me and still wants me. I just don't understand. The least situation in my mind is that he forgets. And, he's told me that I should remind him. Why can't he make it a point of remembering? The worst situation is that he is not attracted to me and is lying when he tells me he is.
By the way, I am almost positive (can never be 100% b/c I am not with him 24/7) that he's not having an affair. And, I've checked the history on the computer, so I know there's no porn.
This is the way that things have been since the day we got married. I keep trying to talk to him about it, but he is tired of talking, but nothing changes. I'm at my wits end, and I don't know what to do anymore. Please, any advice on how to proceed will be appreciated.
Thanks! And, sorry for such a long post, but I needed to rant. Today is a green day that he's supposed to be home, but has decided to take an extra shift at the FD.