Husband doesn't agree with NFP. HELP!


#1

Are their any young women (or men) out there that can’t get your spouses who are or are not Catholic to agree with NFP???

I’ve tried on numerous occaisons to try to explain it to my DH but I can’t get him to understand why we should be practicing it. I’ve pointed out scripture, I’ve shown him Church teachings, etc. NOTHING CONVINCES HIM!!

I want to practice it but I can’t stop him from “stopping” (hopefully you understand what I mean here) when we are being intimate. I feel like I am sinning when we are and I don’t know what to do. I just can’t make him understand. Please help!!

(BTW, he isn’t Catholic and his opinion on kids is that we’ll have one if I absolutely want to–and of course I want children!)


#2

I suggest you discuss your situation with your priest and seek his guidance.

You are not sinning if your husband, over your objections, contracpets. You, of course, cannot contracept.

I recommend you read this link.

That said, your DH is taking big chances with his chosen method – it is much less effective than NFP. Especially if it’s a day when you know you are fertile :eek: (I suggest you take an NFP class so that you know your fertility signs).

So, I really don’t get that!

It would help to know what, specifically, he “disagrees” with.

Does he not believe NFP is effective? Does he not want to abstain on fertile days?


#3

First Pray that his heart softens on the matter…

Second Can you get him to take a class or meet with a teaching couple with you? This might help him see the benefits and blessings.

If he won’t then you still should take the class and chart anyway. Then you’ll know what your fertility is. When you fully understand and live it, maybe he’ll want to learn about it.

God bless,
Jennifer


#4

You’re not sinning because he is doing this. So don’t worry about that.

He is being cruel to do this to you, though he may not understand it that way. When a man climaxes inside a woman, it is very pleasurable for the woman, and often will lead her to climax herself. For him to withhold this from you is insensitive. I would personally have some very harsh words for my husband if he were to do this to me repeatedly.

Besides any and all of that, just as 1ke stated, this is just not an effective method of birth control in the least. When a man becomes aroused, he often has pre-ejaculate fluids, which contain sperm. So really, he’s not doing anything but being mean to you to handle things the way he is.

What does he want? Does he want you to take contraceptive drugs?


#5

Didn’t you talk about this before you got married?


#6

Sandy, Angel is in RCIA. That’s not evident in this post, but in others. She is converting and her husband is not.


#7

Besides the link 1ke provided, also read Genesis 38. Tamar was not sinning–she was sinned against. Pray for your husband.

Also, if your husband refuses to practice NFP but agrees to having a child, then preganancy and the natural infertility that usually accompanies breastfeeding is also in line with Church teachings. The Church doesn’t require couples to use NFP.


#8

I’m glad that it is not a sin for me. That has really been bothering me! Every time we are intimate I try to get him to not contracept his way and he does it anyway. Specifically, he disagress with the fact that you can’t use ABC or any other method of contraception; also, he does not believe that we need children right now. Which, I somewhat agree with the fact that we may not be ready for children right now, but that does not stop me from wanting to practice what the Church teaches and if God sees it fit to bless us with a child then that would be wonderful!

Sorry I didn’t mention before that I’m in RCIA and he’s not, I definitely should have mentioned that!

I really appreciate all of your comments and advice and I will definitely give them a try. BTW, does anyone know of a book or site I can get or go to that might get me started with dealing with my cycle, NFP, etc.? I’m going to check with my church and see when I might be able to get some NFP classes or just talk to the lady that is over them. Thanks again for all your suggestions. Please pray for me!


#9

There’s a great book from a secular source Taking Charge Of Your Fertility-- by Toni Weschler. It might be good to show some of it to your DH b/c many women use natural methods on health grounds, not religious grounds.

You can visit www.ccli.org, www.creightonmodel.com and www.woomb.org for NFP info.

I also suggest some information from www.omsoul.com

If you start to learn about your body and can tell your DH that you are fertile-- you may convince him that withdrawing is quite *risky *on those days and abstaining would be the solution. And, of course when you are infertile-- there’s no *reason *for him to withdraw!

Silly men.


#10

Thanks! I’ve got these written down and I’m going to check out that suggestion on the book!


#11

For more info on the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, visit the website:

Taking Charge of Your Fertility

The message boards are very active, and free :slight_smile: You’ll find people using fertility awareness both to achieve & avoid pregnancy. There are several boards for women facing medical challenges, recovering from a loss, etc. A fair number of men participate as well. The FAQs alone are worth the time to pop in as a guest & look around!


#12

But warning–that book includes suggestions about what to do during a woman’s fertile time that are not in line with Church teachings. I agree that it explains how fertility awareness works, but be careful what other ideas it might plant in your husband’s mind.


#13

My husband is not Catholic, and we practice NFP. I simply informed him that I would not use ABC and that I was going to use NFP. I also mentioned that I would be elated to have another child:) At that point I left the rest up to him (admitably easier because he would rather skip the whole thing than use a condom, and the big V was not in his vocabulary). I track my fertility, and he makes a point of asking me BEFORE anything gets started if I’m fertile.

We had one instance where something started and he wanted to finish it in a non-Catholic way (I assume you know what I’m getting at;) ). I told him that that was not acceptible to me, and that if he did not intend to finish the natural way not to start.

IMHO, I think that you should study NFP (www.ccli.com has an excelent home study course that I used), and then talk to him about it. Hopefully he will respect you enough to accept what you believe, even if he might not believe himself. But do give him time to adjust. I agree with the OP also that you have a better chance of conceiving his way than yours, you should make sure to point that out.

Good luck!:thumbsup:


#14

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.