Husband, Father, but feel called to "walk"


#1

What could the Lord want me to do? Sometimes I feel called out of my vocation as a Husband/ Father of four. Not to the Priesthood as that is impossible for me, but to "walk". I don't know where though. Samson


#2

This is not God. Pray and go to adoration. You cannot be called to do something that goes against God's own Word.


#3

[quote="Samson01, post:1, topic:287718"]
What could the Lord want me to do? Sometimes I feel called out of my vocation as a Husband/ Father of four. Not to the Priesthood as that is impossible for me, but to "walk". I don't know where though. Samson

[/quote]

You wouldn't be called out of a vocation especially if your children are young. I wonder how old you are? I believe at the age of 36 you could be a deacon but that wouldn't call you out of your true vocation, it would be an addition to.

Walking out does sound as though it is from the devil.


#4

I'm 41, children 20, 14 and twins at 10. I had a conversion like experience before having my marriage blessed in 2005. I have been with my wife for 23 years. Samson


#5

[quote="Samson01, post:4, topic:287718"]
I'm 41, children 20, 14 and twins at 10. I had a conversion like experience before having my marriage blessed in 2005. I have been with my wife for 23 years. Samson

[/quote]

Do you have any inkling of what walking out on your children would do to them? Even the 20 year old would go through horrible disillusionment and bitterness/anger. Just think about the consequences and understand this is not from God.

To say nothing of your wife, whom you are joined with forever as one flesh.


#6

[quote="Samson01, post:1, topic:287718"]
What could the Lord want me to do? Sometimes I feel called out of my vocation as a Husband/ Father of four. Not to the Priesthood as that is impossible for me, but to "walk". I don't know where though. Samson

[/quote]

I'd suggest making an appointment with your priest ASAP about this. I'd also suggest getting a counselor or spiritual director, a live person with professional training, someone who can probe this with you.

You're thinking about walking out on your wife and four children. This is far beyond anything anyone on the Internet can help you sort through.

Luna


#7

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:5, topic:287718"]
Do you have any inkling of what walking out on your children would do to them? Even the 20 year old would go through horrible disillusionment and bitterness/anger. Just think about the consequences and understand this is not from God.

To say nothing of your wife, whom you are joined with forever as one flesh.

[/quote]

Somewhat. My family life hasn't been the norm. In 2003 I almost died from stage III cancer and had to prepare everyone to continue on without me, esp. my oldest. Everything I owned, I put into their names to protect assests from legality's. I own nothing anymore. I made sure my family was set and my wife has a good job with the Fed. govn't. She has since become caustic towards me. I've begged the Lord to turn it around, but He has not. Maybe my "extra" time isn't supposed to be in this situation. Samson


#8

[quote="Luna_Lovecraft, post:6, topic:287718"]
I'd suggest making an appointment with your priest ASAP about this. I'd also suggest getting a counselor or spiritual director, a live person with professional training, someone who can probe this with you.

You're thinking about walking out on your wife and four children. This is far beyond anything anyone on the Internet can help you sort through.

Luna

[/quote]

Some have said enough is enough.


#9

Sir, all of us have crosses, and my prayers are with you. But God does not call us out of our vocations. There are plenty of things you can do within your vocation to deepen your spiritual life, but the vow is "til death do us part."

Remember Henry VIII? He felt cursed by God because he didn't have a male heir. He left his wife and England is still cleaning up the mess. Please talk to a trusted priest.


#10

[quote="Samson01, post:8, topic:287718"]
Some have said enough is enough.

[/quote]

I don't know what this means. If you are having marital problems, have you talked to your wife about getting counseling? Have you spoken to your priest?


#11

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:10, topic:287718"]
I don't know what this means. If you are having marital problems, have you talked to your wife about getting counseling? Have you spoken to your priest?

[/quote]

Yes to both. She has said she no longer wants to persue the relationship much less counseling. My current counselor says don't even mention divorce, but past counselors and even one preist have said "sometimes enough is enough". This is less about my current relationship and more to what lays ahead in an impossible situation. My soul is dying here...I can feel that much for sure.


#12

You made a vow in marriage. Nothing on the earth, under the earth, in your head, in your wife's head, or anything spoken by any person you meet can change that. Nothing can change your responsibilities toward your children either. Nothing.

That's pretty much as simple as it gets. Even tough times will pass eventually, but abandoning responsibility will not help. If your wife doesn't want to work on things now, you'll have to carry the marriage alone for a while. Time changes every situation though...even this.

It's good to keep speaking with professionals (preferably as a couple, if not, then alone). You'll get similar advice from other people on the forum, I believe, but someone who has experience dealing with these things and can sit down and hash it out with you will help better. A priest may say "enough is enough sometimes" but what else did he say? Don't just hear what you want to, but take the advice of those in a position to help. Pray about it, and pray for a way through this, not out of this.


#13

[quote="Samson01, post:1, topic:287718"]
What could the Lord want me to do? Sometimes I feel called out of my vocation as a Husband/ Father of four. Not to the Priesthood as that is impossible for me, but to "walk". I don't know where though. Samson

[/quote]

I think you may be misunderstanding the call. All people are called to "walk" in God's grace. That does not take you away from your vocation as a husband and father. Rather, it strengthens you to persevere and enables you to love more perfectly.

Find a spiritual director to help you to follow your call through living out your vocation.


#14

Have you considered that "Walk" may not mean physically walking out on the marriage and kids?

Perhaps there are spiritual steps you need to make - "Walk in the ways of God..."

Just a thought.

Peace
James


#15

[quote="Samson01, post:11, topic:287718"]
Yes to both. She has said she no longer wants to persue the relationship much less counseling. My current counselor says don't even mention divorce, but past counselors and even one preist have said "sometimes enough is enough". This is less about my current relationship and more to what lays ahead in an impossible situation. My soul is dying here...I can feel that much for sure.

[/quote]

There are several stories of saints who cared for really cantankerous people who weren't even related to them. In one story, the saint was told that if God did not find them together at death, it would go badly for the saint! I believe that Saint Terese of Lisieux did this, too.

So you might try reading about saints, esp those in your type of situation, and pray to them for their intercession.

The way to keep your soul alive is *not *by leaving your state of life, but by sticking with it. Your wife may be difficult, but you still have children at homewho need you, and it turns out that even older children who are out of the house benefit by having their parents stick together through thick and thin.

I am sorry that now it is "thin" for you, put this in God's hands, and say a prayer every time the idea of "walking" comes to you--it sounds like a temptation.


#16

Yes, I know it takes a "heroic effort". Thanks.


#17

[quote="Samson01, post:11, topic:287718"]
Yes to both. She has said she no longer wants to persue the relationship much less counseling. My current counselor says don't even mention divorce, but past counselors and even one preist have said "sometimes enough is enough". This is less about my current relationship and more to what lays ahead in an impossible situation. My soul is dying here...I can feel that much for sure.

[/quote]

I know you are being dramatic, but your soul can never die...However if you were to leave your family, even if you are in emotional pain, you could take a risk that your soul would burn in Hell for an eternity, and you would WISH for your soul to die.


#18

I do believe Jesus said:
"What God has put together, let no man pull assunder"

On a more practical level, as others have stated, your children seeing you stick it out with your wife through thick and thin will be an enormous witness to them, and will help them learn what Marriage means.
If you walk out now you teach them that it's OK to walk away from a relationship as soon as it gets difficult (they wont learn how much you did work at it)
You will be loading the dice in their lives in a very negative way. Huge numbers of studies have shown that children who's parents separated while they were still dependant have very poor chances of having relationships which do not end in divorce (if they ever marry)

There was real wisdom in the old expectation of "stay together for the children"


#19

[quote="Samson01, post:1, topic:287718"]
What could the Lord want me to do? Sometimes I feel called out of my vocation as a Husband/ Father of four. Not to the Priesthood as that is impossible for me, but to "walk". I don't know where though. Samson

[/quote]

God's only will for you is for you to become a saint and reach heaven with the time, the place and your state in life. You are a father? Then the Lord is calling you to be the best father you can possibly be. As a father God has entrusted the eternal beings you call children to your care. Your vocation is to help them reach heaven. You are a husband? Then the Lord is calling you to be the best husband you can possibly be, and help your spouse reach heaven. But the big adventure in life is to allow God to weave holiness out of our wretched lives. In order to enter heaven we must be purified. Here is a video you may find helpful:
youtube.com/watch?v=KXLUwoiqjmk


#20

Seek spiritual direction on the matter, Samson01. Your parish priest would be the place to start. A spiritual director/parish priest will get to know you as a person (or may do so already) as well as the problems you face. On Catholic discussion sites, you will probably get a diversity of opinions, which may confuse. It just may be that the more opinions you receive, the more the confusion, rather than clarification based on sound advice.

Marriage is holy and a sacrament and a serious matter as I am sure you are aware.


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