Husband having online Affair


#1

Hello Everyone,
My husband is having an online affair. We have recently separated over it (in-house separation) because he refuses to give it up and he spends hours chatting online or on the phone with her. She is a phone sex operator and he pays to speak to her. He believes their relationship is real. It is obvious to me that she is just scamming him.

I feel terrible that it has come to this, but he has had issues with porn and chatrooms for years now. In the past he was remorseful and tried to overcome his behaviors, but now he is embracing this fully and I feel that separation is the only option, especially since he is now moving around money to pay for his online affair.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I am devastated at the thought of separation and divorce, but it seems to be the only option now considering my husband is fully invested in his online affair/ fantasy.


#2

Seek Marriage Counseling. Otherwise, consider a lawyer.


#3

We have been through marriage counselling…he was hiding this from the counselor also. I have a lawyer.


#4

My condolences. You may have to play hardball then… :slightly_frowning_face:


#5

I already am doing so. Unfortunately, I think this may be the path the Lord is setting before me, as tragic as it is.


#6

There are a few things you can do on the Q.T. Shoot the computer-my sister did. She had it shut down. Call your provider and have her blocked. Call the BBB and file a complaint against the co. she works for. If you do these things don’t advertise, but keep your silence. You have my prayers.


#7

Oh wow…What do you mean she had the computer shut down?
Good idea to call the BBB.


#8

Yes, He was introducing their two young sons to online porn and she took action Online 'verbal prostitution is the next step and then to the real prostitution. Stop it in its tracks. Save your marriage if you can, but also do not be in harm’s way. I really, really wish you the best and pray for you.


#9

Thank you. This has been going on for some time in our marriage. He was always remorseful in the past when he was caught, we were in counselling for years, and I had all the software on our computers. Now he is embracing it. It seems the only thing to do is separation for the sake of the children. He has not shown an ounce of remorse but rather is going in deeper.


#10

I am so very sorry. I urge you to make an appointment with your parish Priest or Deacon immediately. This is an extremely sickening and dangerous situation and you need firm and loving in-person guidance.

You posted eleven years ago as a newly married woman, that your husband was watching porn and calling escorts on business trips. It is tragic that you have been abused all of these years. You are a daughter of a King! You deserve to be cherished and treasured!

Your husband could be a sexual deviant, a pathological liar, he could have many problems that you have tried to figure out and haven’t been able to.

Right now I would say that your safety is priority. You are living in a home where your marriage vows are openly mocked as your husband has phone sex, this is spiritual and psychological abuse. Please be assured of my prayers.

Jesus has wonderful plans for your life. I’m sure things feel so dark right now. If you remain in your home please have a priest bless it. Your husband could have invited in the demonic with his actions.


#11

Monica,
Thanks so much for your reply. And for validating that I (and my kids) deserve better. It is tragic. I actually forgot that I posted 11 years ago. When I re-read my message from 11 years ago, I was so sad also…I remember that event vividly. And I asked myself “What would I have done differently?” I’m not sure. Probably separated sooner. But then I have to trust in God’s plan. Over the years, we’ve been through counseling (4 different counselors), Retrouvaille, spiritual direction, he’s also done the 12 steps (didn’t finish)…but we’ve given it an honest effort. This is the final straw, I believe, and I need to remove myself for my safety and for my kids’ safety. We do deserve to be cherished and treasured. You are so right. Thanks for validating that…it’s been a rough road.


#12

It sounds like you’ve done all you could. I think you’re right to separate. I’m so sorry.


#13

Step one. Protect your finances. This sort of activity can quickly wipe out life savings, bankrupt a family. Speak to an attorney about that today.


#14

Sorry, the Better Business Bureau has no teeth. You know what they can do? Not let the business display a BBB sticker. That is it.

You can block 900 numbers from your phone service, but, if he is determined to he will get around it.


#15

Talk to your Priest and then possibly a lawyer about what rights you have and are entitled to in case of a divorce.


#16

I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

What TheLittleLady said here is of vital importance. You have to protect yourself financially to be able to move ahead for your children’s sake as well as your own. If you are not protected financially, your husband’s recklessness can end up leaving you with nothing but debt. It sounds like you haven’t been in a real marriage since the beginning, so you need to think of yourself and your children only now.

You have done everything possible to make this marriage work, but your husband is honestly just not interested. Hard and sad as it is to hear, it is the reality of the situation. The Church does not expect you to stay in an abusive marriage. That is good that you have a lawyer, have him protect you financially as soon as possible.

I will keep you and your children in my prayers. ((HUG))


#17

BBB’s function is to alert customers and iguireies of certain businesses or activities. You or anyone need what or who or how they are rated. They do not prosecute.


#18

They were important back 30 years + ago. Today, YELP reviews are far more influential.

There are sex chat line businesses, they may engage in immoral speech, however, they are often legitimate businesses. The State AG office of the Federal Trade Commission would be the places to apply if you have been “scammed”.


#19

Thank you everyone. Yes, I have a lawyer and also a good support network at my parish. I’ve also had the house blessed, but think I may have it done again as it’s been a while. Has anyone been through divorce and can speak “from the other side”? This is just so foreign to me. It is completely outside of my frame of reference. I have only told a handful of people what I’m going through, so doing a lot of processing on my own.


#20

Praise God that you have a good support network.
About life after divorce, yes there is always hope for joy! My life is proof. God made us for joy. As hard as it is, live one day at a time.
Tomorrow is stressful because God has only given you enough grace for today’s burdens. When the sun rises He will bless you with more grace to handle what you need to if you ask Him.
Praying for you.


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