Husband is ruining my life - abandoning me and our children


#1

we are not married in the catholic church (he and my children are catholic and I am christian, but not catholic), but we are legally and to me, that was supposed to be forever (legally and religiously to me). He told me he would never be a man to get a divorce and abandon his wife and kids, but that's what he's doing. I have sacrificed for 10 years for him - moving from place to place for his work and finally moving accross country so he could have his dream of owning a business. Well, after 2.5 years of my hard work (and his laziness), he has decided to sell the business, give me a chunk of the money and leave back for his home (which is not here in the U.S) - he already has a buyer who said he was paying him tonight a downpayment and he was signing the papers (the biz is in his name so it doesn't matter what i want).

He says he doesn't care about me or the family we have here and that it's over. He said maybe he will come back to see the kids every 5 years or so for a visit. How nice of him. Now I have family I can go and live with and i will need their help because I will have to use all that money towards getting some sort of degree I can give two innocent kids a good life on, and i can't do that on what i have now education wise. I know that I can move on and get married again, but personally I don't trust men right now, I will have two kids to raise basically on my own and when I said I do, I meant forever like he promised me. I know he's a jerk and not worth it, but I can't get over it and I don't know how I feel - I want to punch something and cry all at the same time - I have been fighting back the tears for a few hours now. i can't believe how little he cares - which is zero. And I don't get why some part of me is hoping these buyers tell him they went with some other business or that they just don't show up. I don't want my life to change and I'm madder than hell at him. What do I do?


#2

Dear feeling down,

I am so glad you came here and thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for all you are going through. I wish I had magic words to take away your pain, but I don't.

You mentioned family, do you have loving family and friends that you can turn to during this time? I hope he changes his mind of course, however if he leaves do you have a support system? Is there somewhere you can stay, somewhere with a support system that is loving and caring?

I wish you the best, I will pray for you and for your husband that he has a change of heart. I hope that your children can have loving relationships despite what he is trying to do to them.

You are Christ's little girl, Jesus loves you so much! He wants to hold you in his arms and help you through all of this whatever it may be. Turn to him, he loves you so much. Jesus knows exactly how you feel, sad, angry, abandoned and frustrated and even despair.

I will pray for you, I wish I could offer you more. Please post again when you are up to it and let me know how you are doing. God bless you.


#3

Get a lawyer immediately - that business even though your name is not on it may still be a marital asset depending on your state. They may be able to stop the sale and/or get you part of the money. That is yours. I had the same done to me - it wasn't nice - I lost it all but I gained my self respect. He was abusive so it was worth it in the end. God bless you and may you start on your healing.


#4

[quote="joanofarc2008, post:3, topic:232686"]
Get a lawyer immediately - that business even though your name is not on it may still be a marital asset depending on your state. They may be able to stop the sale and/or get you part of the money. That is yours. I had the same done to me - it wasn't nice - I lost it all but I gained my self respect. He was abusive so it was worth it in the end. God bless you and may you start on your healing.

[/quote]

Joan, thanks for your post, but he is giving some of the money (probably a third of what's left over after it's paid off) and I don't want to go up against him because he is my kids dad and you don't want to mess with him. Seems unfair he can go around screwing people over, but really, all he has to do is say he wants visitation or some custody of the kids and take them overseas. He won't be able to be touched over there and I will lose my kids. It's not worth it to me over money. We are not dealing with a normal, rational, caring man here.


#5

[quote="Monicad, post:2, topic:232686"]
Dear feeling down,

I am so glad you came here and thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for all you are going through. I wish I had magic words to take away your pain, but I don't.

You mentioned family, do you have loving family and friends that you can turn to during this time? I hope he changes his mind of course, however if he leaves do you have a support system? Is there somewhere you can stay, somewhere with a support system that is loving and caring?

I wish you the best, I will pray for you and for your husband that he has a change of heart. I hope that your children can have loving relationships despite what he is trying to do to them.

You are Christ's little girl, Jesus loves you so much! He wants to hold you in his arms and help you through all of this whatever it may be. Turn to him, he loves you so much. Jesus knows exactly how you feel, sad, angry, abandoned and frustrated and even despair.

I will pray for you, I wish I could offer you more. Please post again when you are up to it and let me know how you are doing. God bless you.

[/quote]

Thank you - I really appreciate it and your prayers.


#6

1) Do your children have passports? If so, you need to put a freeze on them. So they can NOT leave the country. If they don't, your ex will not be able to get a passport without out. I know many women that married men of middle eastern decent that were forced to block their children's passports. As you are right. In certain countries you will have no rights to get your children back.

2) You don't have to have a degree for many jobs. There are many careers that pay well over the long run. And many companies will actually pay for college course work. Look into things like that. You don't need a degree to get into banking. mortgage lending, real estate. Sales, if you're good can pay great commissions.

I realize your situation is terrible. And I'm sure very sad. I pray that you will get through this with your grace intact, and your self worth as well.

He may be the DNA that made your children. But a FATHER does not up and leave his children. No MAN does that. Try to remove the power you've given him to "ruin your life."

You can be strong and self supporting. If he chooses to remove himself from the picture that's a choice. Please talk with your family on how best your can perserve the $$ you end up with while getting back on your feet.

Best wishes!


#7

At least, if you are pretty sure he will keep his word, you will have money to start out with, and your children will not be taken from you. There are many stories of women who marry men from another culture who force them to visit the country of their origin, where the children are spirited away and the women are kicked out with nothing.

I am not saying it's not a horrible thing you are going through. It sure is. I will add you to my prayers. I'm sorry that he is a Catholic and still able to do this to his wife and children.

Do make sure if there are any other assets, that you get them in your name, such as a house, cars, bank accounts, etc. If there are any other savings accounts, stocks, etc. you will need that for your kids' support as it seems he is not going to provide any further support.

I am so sorry.:(


#8

Please seek counsel immediately so your children are protected. Having a freeze put on their passports is wonderful advice. :thumbsup:

My X played that same game with me. Many times he would beat it into my brain that he made the money and HE would get custody and since he worked overseas he could have easily taken our son who was terrified of him for other reasons. Do not leave the kids with him alone because if things go south he may decide to take them to hurt you further. My X was not a normal caring father/man either. Please get an attorney asap.

Then allow yourself to have ONE good cry and then on to business. Get your ducks in a row, financially, emotionally.

Do not allow him to intimidate you anymore. Be proactive and set him on his ear. Do not allow yourself to curl up in a ball. :cool:

Sorry but getting marital assets, house, bank accounts, cars, and the like in only your name is a great fairy tale but in reality things don't work that way once you get to court. Generally half is what you get (if you have a lawyer that's on the ball) and half also means debt too if you have joint cards/accts.


#9

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