Husband job - Gone all the time


#1

My husband has a pretty good job with lots of perks. We are very greatful for his job & everything that we have worked so hard for.

One of the not-so-great things about his job is that he is gone all the time. He sets his own hours with his clients & 95% of his calls are in the evening because that is when his clients are home. My daughter & I are also home in the evening (so we rarely see him) He feels lot of pressure to work overtime because of our finances. So we are in a slump right now.

He wants to move up in the company & is constantly mentioning that he wants to move to a new area for the next level of employment. There are always positions opening up for the next level, which is great, but I dont want to move. The move would ensure us more money, but not more time together. His biggest concern is moving up…

I just feel like my life is always on hold. I put things off because I just never know when he will say “were moving” I guess I want to settle & I cant?


#2

I don’t know what to tell you except for the HUGE mistake I made. I was always nagging my dear hubby about his work keeping him from home all the time (among other things) I now realize how important work is to men. It makes them feel like they are providing for and taking care of their family. While I was always nagging about him not being home he was looking at his being gone as showing his love for our family unit. Because of this and other reasons we had huge fights about time spent together and finances. Now realizing this I fear it is too late because we are having marriage difficulties due to my nagging. Now I’m not sure if he realizes I truly understand him.
I’m not sure if this is helpful, I just don’t want you in the same situation. Try to be understanding of his working like a horse. Tuck notes of encouragement and appreciation in his pocket. Try to find ways you can help with finances if you don’t work. Clipping coupons watching sale grocery ads ect…


#3

[quote=katesmom]My husband has a pretty good job with lots of perks. We are very greatful for his job & everything that we have worked so hard for.

One of the not-so-great things about his job is that he is gone all the time. He sets his own hours with his clients & 95% of his calls are in the evening because that is when his clients are home. My daughter & I are also home in the evening (so we rarely see him) He feels lot of pressure to work overtime because of our finances. So we are in a slump right now.

He wants to move up in the company & is constantly mentioning that he wants to move to a new area for the next level of employment. There are always positions opening up for the next level, which is great, but I dont want to move. The move would ensure us more money, but not more time together. His biggest concern is moving up…

I just feel like my life is always on hold. I put things off because I just never know when he will say “were moving” I guess I want to settle & I cant?
[/quote]

Carry on like you’re not going to move. The moment you quit worrying about moving or not is right about the time you will.


#4

I’m so sorry you’re feeling a lot of pressure/neglect over your husband’s career. Be thankful, at least, that he is motivated and a provider for your family.
Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with DH. His job is not all about him; his career belongs to the entire family. You make it sound as if he would make this type of major decision without your input. He really needs to have someone show him a different perspective if the impression I get from you is correct. The question should be, “What is best for my family?” not "What is the fastest way to the top?"
One question that sticks out in my mind is, “When will it end?” Is your husband on a never-ending quest to climb the corporate ladder, or does he have some standard he feels he needs to reach in order to consider himself successful? The next question I ask is, “Why?” Could it be a concern over money, or self-esteem, or family pressure?
I’ve seen your posts before, but I cannot remember how old your daughter is, whether you work as well, or anything else about your situation. I don’t have the age to spout off an opinion that ought to be respected, but I do believe that feeling settled is extremely important.
I would recommend sitting down with your husband to weigh in on the issues- relocation, finances, overtime, promotions- and find out all the options that are or may become available to you and your husband. He owes it to you as your husband to take your feelings into consideration as well as be open with you about the motivation behind his aspirations.
Prayers coming your way!
V


#5

[quote=katesmom]My husband has a pretty good job with lots of perks. We are very greatful for his job & everything that we have worked so hard for.

One of the not-so-great things about his job is that he is gone all the time. He sets his own hours with his clients & 95% of his calls are in the evening because that is when his clients are home. My daughter & I are also home in the evening (so we rarely see him) He feels lot of pressure to work overtime because of our finances. So we are in a slump right now.

He wants to move up in the company & is constantly mentioning that he wants to move to a new area for the next level of employment. There are always positions opening up for the next level, which is great, but I dont want to move. The move would ensure us more money, but not more time together. His biggest concern is moving up…

I just feel like my life is always on hold. I put things off because I just never know when he will say “were moving” I guess I want to settle & I cant?
[/quote]

Anna’s Mom has some wise words to say…sometimes we forget that the Husband is doing what he can to show he loves you…providing. I know it is so difficult, and I do not in any way want to seem as though I am minimizing your feelings. Please don’t think I am. There are some wonderful books online here at Catholic Answers for Mothers that help guide in trying to establish a rich and full Catholic home. Maybe that will help? You are in my prayers.


#6

My husband is young and motivated and loves to work and be successful. However, in his mind it’s all for me (and our baby). He just absolutely glows with so much pride when I hug and kiss him and tell him how proud I am of his ambition and efforts. Even though he enjoys working, I know it’s difficult and relentless at times. I have also noticed that the more I build him up, the closer he wants to be to me and the more time he makes for me. I think it also lessens his burden as a provider to feel appreciated and to know that I understand his motivations and am supporting him in his endeavors to take care of me and our child.

Have you talked about specific times in which to spend time together? My husband and I love to talk, talk, talk (which I guess is somewhat unusual for a man, but he loves to share about his day and ask about mine and discuss bigger issues we face) so it’s very relaxing and relationship building for us to even just lay on our bed or the sofa and chat for as long as time allows.

My husband also feels very taken care of and loved when I do special things for him, whether it’s making his favorite meals or leaving little love notes around for him to find. It helps him feel very connected to me and our little home, even though much of his time and energy is work-related. He says he loves to look down and see a note from me or a picture or even his phone going off with a text message from me. It keeps the focus of his work on “why” he is working as hard as he is. Sometimes when I know he won’t have TOO much work at home that evening, I’ll go to Blockbuster and rent a couple DVDs that I know he loves and will enjoy having time to watch with me (which also means time spent cuddling together).

On the weekends, especially before I got pregnant, we would make it a point to do something fun on both Saturday and Sunday. Friday nights we generally hang out and rest and he re-charges (indoor picnics are fun!), but Saturday and Sunday are meant to be very connecting for the two of us. We go to the park, we’ve been apple-picking, we play kickball with neighbor kids, we go to the movies, we visit my parents, adult siblings and play with my neice, we see friends, we go for walks, we share meals and go out to dinner together. We love festivals and exploring new tastes and new cultures. We want to take a one day road trip and possibly stay at a bed and breakfast this next weekend. It helps the week go faster when I know his energy will be on me when the weekend comes. Also, at night we make it a point to touch each other in sleep. (Either fall asleep cuddling or holding hands, etc.) It makes both of us feel connected and supported and ready for another day of work and some separation.

Maybe try to show your love and adoration for him by building him up and constantly appreciating his efforts in a sincere way. Instead of pushing him away, I think that will draw him closer to you and you just might get more time to spend with him.


#7

All these other ladies’ highly superior posts demonstrate the fact that my opinion is quite inexperienced. Ha!


#8

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.