Husband kicking us out


#1

my husband is forcing me to leave -he’s giving me no choice. He has a real anger problem that caused him to be fired and quit two jobs within the last 5 months - the one he quit wanted him back in the end because he works a lot of hours and less pay than it should be. He complains about everything and threatens people, mostly me. He treats everyone like they are beneath him.

Still, I am a moron and still I don’t want to leave the marriage. But, he is saying if I stay and am not perfect with what he wants within a few months , he wants or full custody of our son - he wants this written up and signed, or I can leave at the end of the month with not much money in my pocket and our son . he doesn’t want him anyway, he says he doesn’t want a kid or family, just wants money, but if I stay and try to work it out and I “fail” in his eyes, I will have to lose something important to me, so it should be our son, right? That’s what he thinks. He has signed before something we wrote out saying that he doesn’t want custody or to ever see our son again, and I still have that paper.

Anyway, no way will I gamble with my son so I am out of here at the end of the month. I just don’t know how I will be able to do that and get through this. Some will say stay and fight, the mother is favored in court, and all that but let’s say he doens’t care much about the law and following it when you tick him off, so just better to come to a mutual agreement than fighting. In the divorce, it will be there anyway that I have sole custody.

I will move in with my parents, they have been ready for me to come back for years. I wont’ tell them before Christmas though because I don’t want to ruin it for everyone.

I just need some words of encouragement I guess. I am hurting alot even though I want to be mad, I am sad and hurt and crying.


#2

If I were you, I’d leave this marriage now and not look back. You have a good reason to file for an annulment, IMHO. It will be far better for you to be with your parents right now to get on your feet, so to speak.
You have my prayers.


#3

You don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to live with threats. You are not the one who is failing.

You don’t have to leave and you don’t have to give up custody of your son. What your husband is telling you is not reality.

I would urge you to call the national domestic violence hotline…
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

They can help you understand that you have been involved in a very unhealthy relationship. They can also help you to understand what your rights are and how to best protect yourself and your child.

I’m keeping you in my prayers and hope that you will have the strength to do what you need to do for yourself and your child.


#4

I just want to add that it is important to speak with a domestic violence center and/or an attorney prior to leaving with your son. Otherwise, your husband could claim that you are kidnapping him. He might be saying now that he is done with the marriage, but his tune could very well change once you do actually leave.


#5

Leaving could also get you a charge of abandonment.

Iowa must not allow herself to believe that anybody who makes such poisonous demands will actually stick to them.


#6

This is VERY accurate. You need to let an authoritive figure (lawyer or help center) aware of the situation so that you have proof that there are issues and that you aren’t just taking off with your son without valid reasons. Sounds like you really need to cover all your bases so that you don’t have any instance that your custody with your son is in jeopardy.


#7

As has already been noted. There is only one word you need:

ATTORNEY


#8

I will keep you in my prayers. :crossrc:


#9

yes, but I don’t have a job here currently - we just moved and i Have been home for a couple of months. I would have to move and find a job there where my parents live. if I stay here, he will leave and stick me with the aprtment costs and everything. Tell him to pay up? Yeah, right. He’ll just go back to his home, or put our finances in his name (withdraw the money). Or, he’ll hire an attorney and go for our child. I don’t want that. If I do anything he doens’t want, he’s got the upper hand and that’s just how it is. If I take the money we have, or put up a fight, he’ll go for rights and I don’t want that.


#10

Talk Legal Aid. Do NOT make a move without legal counsel.

There are no “Yes buts” in this. KNOW what he CAN and CANNOT do legally. He is threatening you and you MUST educate yourself on what your situation really is.

TALK TO A LAWYER – The abused women shelters often have lawyers who will give you free advice for this critical juncture.


#11

Talk to a lawyer ASAP. Protect yourself and your son.
–KCT


#12

Please please please - instead of sitting on the computer, call that number above and talk to them. They can help you get out of this situation and ensure your rights are protected - it is what they do!

Step away from the pc and pick up the phone.

The longer you wait the worse this can get.

~Liza


#13

IMHO Iowa’s husband is acting like a jerk because he knows she will let him get away with it.


#14

How is this in any way productive? To make her feel like SHE is the one to blame for this situation is not only inappropriate because you don’t know all the details, but extremely dangerous should she stay in this situation because she is made to feel guilty.

She needs to get out - NOW. Not stay and think about how she can fix his disfunctional issues.

~Liza


#15

Iowa, just to let you know…my ex-husband had told me at one point to leave. I tried to work it out and stayed with him another year, a year filled with him threatening to leave and telling me he would pay me no child support. He said I could see how hard it is to be a single mom. When I did end up going to my parent’s house, he avoided being served with the separation papers I had filed and instead turned around and filed for divorce seeking full custody saying I had kidnapped the kids. This was a move to try to get me back into the home with him, using the kids as a weapon. Thankfully my priest had given me a warning in advance that this was likely what he would do. I had checked in with the police and attorney before I left and a DV center when I arrived.

Not only did he not get custody, there is no way for him to get out of paying child support. He has threatened to move to Germany to get out of paying support, but my attorney tells me that the government there would collect it for me.

Don’t believe what your husband is telling you. It is not the reality of the situation. There is a better life out there for you not living with the abuse.


#16

Iowa DOES need to realize (as others have noted) that she MUST stop acting like a victim right NOW. The guy is a bully, and they pick on people who let them get away with it.

“Yes but” is the classical victim response.

She needs to talk to an attorney.


#17

Iowa…how tragic. I’m sorry to hear this! I can imagine your fear over the situation. I would definitely find an attorney, quickly. I would then, move into your parents pretty quickly…the angst that you will go through living there even just 10 more days, could be staggering. I know you don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas, but they are your family. It might be a better Christmas, instead of staying through it with your husband. Your husband needs help. He sounds like something might have happened to him as a child, perhaps, that makes him angry, and at this point, controlling and abusive. It doesn’t seem like he holds it exclusively for you…which many abusers have a knack of doing.

It is your choice, but I would leave, if it were me. Better to have your family know, and try to salvage the rest of this Christmas season, than be tormented through the holiday. But, if you choose to stay through the month, you have your reasons. I will pray that you and your child will be ok. God will provide for you–He doesn’t want you to be abused. That is not what marriage is supposed to be about.


#18

Do something now. Do it for your son. He can’t continue in this situation and neither can you. Your son needs you and you are the only one that he has right now to count on.

Don’t be afraid of doing something to get out of this. Do be afraid of not doing anything to work this.

Start by calling that number that was given to you here.

I will keep you in my prayers.


#19

I agree, I think it will be the best Christmas. God works in mysterious ways. Seek your family for help ASAP. I agree with everything else, too.


#20

I agree. I spent too many years of my life being a deer in the headlights. Men like this say this hurtful stuff to you to bring you down. A woman who is depressed and lacking self-confidence is a lot easier to manipulate and control. He doesn’t want her to leave. He wants to own her.

Mercygate is absolutely correct. Stop being a victim. Stand up for yourself and your child. Make plans to move ahead with your life. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish when you don’t have someone constantly dragging you down. It all starts with doing something though.


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