Husband now says he's agnostic


#1

My husband was raised Catholic. I was raised “just Christian”. But from the earliest age I had a growing love for the Catholic Church. At the time of our wedding, I had not yet converted, & my husband was an ex-catholic protestant. The day before our wedding I had the thought that we were supposed to be married by a priest. I brought this up to my husband, & he said it didn’t apply to him because he wasn’t Catholic.

Before we married, we discussed religion. I grew up with an atheistic father. My mom is Christian, & I saw over the years how miserable she was that my dad was not a Christian. I always said to myself that I would never, ever put myself in that situation, & that I would never marry someone that wasn’t Christian.

We married in a protestant Church, & then two years later we had our marriage convalidated when I joined the Catholic Church. My husband briefly returned to the Church at that time as well.

One night, about three years after we had married, I prayed to Jesus about something that I was concerned about. Ever since I was ten I had a desire to become a nun. I didn’t know if it was a calling, or just my desire. I prayed about it (not by any means the first time, of course) & asked God if I had made a mistake by getting married. That night I had a dream where Jesus told me that I was to be there for my husband, my husband was to be there for me, and that I was to help lead him to God.

When I woke I was confused about that last part. Lead him to God? Before we married he told me he was a Christian. And then at the time of that prayer he was Catholic. I didn’t yet understand.

Now I do. Unfortunately, it appears that since at least a year ago, he’s dumped Christianity all together. Science is his religion. He fills his brain with atheistic things like skeptic magazines. Even after I’ve repeatedly asked him not to. I told him to absolutely not read Dawkins/Hitchens. He still reads them through other sources.

I have conversations with him, & in every way he puts up a wall, always using so-called evidence and theories against God. For him, there is always an argument or way out from God. I’ve even discussed string theory & dimensions with him, saying that it may very well lead to the acknowledgment of God within science. It doesn’t matter to him.

He told me he doesn’t feel a need for God, & that he feels quite liberated. He says these things, mind you, breathing the very air that God has created. I’ve spoken to him more than a few times about this, & I asked what it would take for him to believe in God. According to him, not even a near death experience! He said the brain is complex. He thinks it’s a hallucination or something. Again, a “way out”.

He said the only way he would believe in God is if God Himself appeared to him while fully awake & in the presence of witnesses that see the same thing. I’ve even discussed spiritual things that have happened to me in the world in real life, but it’s not good enough.

As much as it grieves me that my husband denies God, there are more issues. As if that wasn’t enough! Because he doesn’t acknowledge anything spiritual, he doesn’t believe I have a soul! First he doesn’t acknowledge the Trinity. I strive to become less and less, & God to become all that people see in me. But my husband has denied God. And he denies my soul. He denies everything about me. Except my personality. That, he says, is a person: their brain, their personality. Bah.

I married him because I loved him for the person he was. But he’s not the same. Or he’s not who I thought he was. I thought I married a Christian. He’s no longer who I thought I married. He’s embraced not only agnosticism (nearly atheism), & he also floods our lives with his dirty political shows, embracing much liberalism.

I am at a loss to know how I can help him outside of prayer. He actually said our conversations help him to get his thoughts in order (practice) so that he can more easily state his agnostic position if it ever comes up in conversation with others.

I understand now the dream I had. I have considered being a homemaker wife a vocation. And it seems that even before I knew, Jesus knew that my husband would reject him. And so I do as Jesus says, to be there for him & to help lead him to God. Problem is, I’m out of ideas (outside of prayer) about how to do that. My husband has already said there’s nothing I can do. I feel I’ve been deceived. I never, never wanted to be in a situation like this.

How I wish for him to be filled with the Holy Spirit (it would change his demeanor, too) & for him to want to worship God together, pray together, read the Bible together. But no. At present, I don’t feel a Christ-likeness to his being like it can be felt from all Christians. I’m very sensitive to people around me, & I can feel that he’s not Christian, just as he says he’s not. There is a great emptiness.

I thank those who have read through this entire post. For those who have, I ask, what do I do?


#2

Oh dear :frowning: All I can say is keep praying and I will pray for you and your husband as well.

He actually said our conversations help him to get his thoughts in order (practice) so that he can more easily state his agnostic position if it ever comes up in conversation with others.

Don’t be discouraged by this, keep talking to him, keep saying what you want to say over and over again. As you said, you had that dream where God told you to lead your husband to him, keep trying!

Again, you are in my prayers :gopray2:


#3

Thank you, and thank you for the prayers. I was wondering if I should stop talking to him about it (as he says it helps him to defend his position). But I thought that perhaps this was a force of evil trying to get me to keep silent about God. Perhaps something I tell him may get to him; perhaps the Holy Spirit will help me to speak to him so that he will return to God. So I definitely agree with you, to keep talking to him about it over and over again. Battles may be tough, and spiritual warfare may not be easy, but I’ll never give up.

God bless you.


#4

I heard Fr. Corapi speak about something similar one time. He said there was a mother whose only son was agnostic, never really believing or wanting to believe. One day she asks the bishop what to do. He wrote a little note, and gave it to her, telling her to never read it, just give it to her son…and pray the rosary daily. 20 years goes by and the son begins going to church and becomes a priest! The son later showed her the note and it read “if your mother prays the rosary daily, you will one day see God and his goodness”.

The moral here…pray the rosary daily. There is no way a rosary can be wasted on someone. It may take a while, but it will work.


#5

Thank you for that :hug1:. Also, I love Fr. Corapi…!


#6

Please go talk to your priest.


#7

Prayer is the first thing, then secondly you two HAVE to read the Bible. Something with commentaries explaining the texts would be useful.

Reading atheistic stuff is fine. Hawkins/Ditchens, whatever it is. It’s just garbage once you read the scriptures. Him getting converted to atheism is because he is not aware of the scriptures properly. Remember, reading it is not good enough. We have to “study” it to understand it fully.


#8

First of all, he an agnostic, not an atheist. There’s a difference.

Secondly, many of us have read the scriptures “properly” (e.g., with the help of orthodox Catholic commentaries) and have still become agnostics.


Agnostic versus Atheist
#9

Ok firstly, I am sorry that I said atheist instead of agnostic. I know there is a difference.

Yea, then you have to “study” to understand it fully. Like I said. Not only reading it.


Agnostic versus Atheist
#10

Many people go through varying stages of what your husband is going through including myself. Although I never reached the point of doubting God’s existance, everything else was up for grabs as far as defining:
God,
Christ’s role-origion-God/Man etc.
Role of the Church(s)
Science
Philosophy
Eastern mysticism
on and on and on…

Since God put you here and told you that you are to lead him back to God the only question is how.

While I am no expert I would suggest:

  1. Do not belittle his beliefs or his studies - The last thing you want to do is drive him away so you cannot have any influence.
  2. Take the view with him that, since science cannot explain everything, there is still room for God. God is where science asks why and doesn’t have an answer.
  3. Look at some of the things with him. It will help you understand him and where he is and also help you understand how to counter the positions
  4. Encourage him to keep an open mind. Too many people get frustrated with “religion” and then blame God and denounce all spirituality. That is just “throwing the baby out with the bathwater.”
  5. Pray and be there for him. Give him the best example of Christian Living possible.

Hope this helps.

James


#11

Also let him know, that physics explains only 4% of the universe, the rest of the 96% of the universe is unknown to us.

How’s that for a leap of faith for the atheists/agnostics :wink:


#12

Well, I’m not sure where those numbers came from, but I get the idea. Even though science doesn’t explain everything (and never will), that doesn’t automatically make God real or a particular religion correct.

In my case, after years of being a devout, daily Mass-going Catholic, I began wondering why God was hiding. After years of struggle, study, thought, and prayer, I came to realize that I just didn’t believe anymore and that there was no evidence or convincing reason to think that God exists.

And so here I am, someone who has read the Bible and Catechism cover to cover. I’ve read Augustine (my favorite), Aquinas, Theresa of Avila, and many others. And yet, I just don’t believe that one can be sure that God exists. Sometimes I feel inclined to pray, but never with any significant faith or trust.

Maybe God exists, maybe God doesn’t. I’ve come to realize that my answers aren’t in books (including the Bible). I’m not even sure there are firm answers.


#13

I guess the first question is why you thought God was hiding?

Secondly, as far as evidence, I can only offer this:
God is a God of love and of order. The universe is ordered and everything in it is governed by certain laws. Planets spin around the sun, stars are born, live and die all according to certain physical laws. The other end of the spectum is the same, Atoms, molecules, quarks etc all are governed by some physical laws. They all function in some order.
Now somewhere along the way some chemicals got together and sparked some sort of “Life”. Basically that they began cooperating with each other in some new and “magical” way that we define as life. Jumping ahead to humans, we consist of millions of cells, each a living, essentially independent life form, that is in a specialized, cooperative system.

When we seperate ourselves from God, from the spirit of order, of higher purpose, we are turning in on ourselves. There can follow breakdowns on many levels, moral, social, political, spiritual, and even physical. Therefore at it’s most basic, belief in a supreme being, belief in God, is a choice between alignment with order or disorder.

I hope I made some sense:shrug:

Peace from a fellow traveler

James


#14

You have been given very good advice. I would only like to add that from Bishop Fulton Sheen’s book Three to get Married he says that a wife can offer herself and her daily sufferings as reparation for her husband faithlessness. This is especially because the two in marriage have become one. Your husband needs you. He needs your offerings and your prayers, rosaries, and sufferings. I wouldn’t argue about faith with him. Just live your faith, love God first and your husband as yourself. You have the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony and all the graces you store working to bring him to God. Your job or role is to keep God in your marriage. Let the Holy Spirit harass and hound him. :thumbsup:


#15

Talk to a trusted priest. Pray and sacrifice for your husband.
—KCT


#16

The numbers actually come from the head of CERN in Switzerland. As for the rest of your post, well there is nothing much I can say to that except I must add there that there has to be faith even in hard times. I don’t know what’s exactly happened along your way for you to become agnostic, but I can pray that you can be come back to Catholicism again.

Furthermore, finding out if God exists or not for sure is not through the Bible solely. Sure the Bible is the fundamental learning steps for any Christian, but the faith goes deeper than a book.

Peace bro.


#17

From the physics point of view, which I really don’t want to dwell into here. The universe is in such a magnificent order, from the animal life, to celestial motion and microscopic level order it’s not possible for a God to NOT exist.

Everything has to have come about by a creation at some point. It’s irrational to claim that the universe has existed infinitely (because it hasn’t) without some external force first creating the very fundamental sub particles of creation.

So a God has to exist. As for which God. Myself, I have seen many miracles, even minor ones, for others, to myself, and things not explained for, all my struggles, when I attempted to do get through them myself, I always failed, it has always been prayer, and even sometimes when my faith was low, I was still cared for.

I am sure Benedictus can think of times when he too was being ‘helped’ by an unknown order. God. :cool: :cool:

Cheers


#18

Earlier this evening I saw Dinesh D’ Souza in a debate with the
atheist Christopher Hitchens (Doesn’t seem right that a man
with the name of “Christ bearer” should be an atheist.) Dinesh
has a new book called “What’s So Great About Christianity” in
which he refuted the arguments of atheists.
Maybe you should get a copy, read it and maybe it will help
when your husband comes up with his theories.
Dinesh is a very brilliant young man. I have a couple of his
books. He has appeared on EWTN (he is a Catholic) and in fact
if you look him up on the Ewtn website and on "The World Over"
you can hear the show.


#19

I would highly recommend reading the book by Patrick Madrid, Search and Rescue:How to Bring Your Family and Friends Into, or Back Into, the Catholic Church. It’s a “how to” guide for anyone who is wanting to convert a family member or friend. It’s absolutely wonderful, and I’m trying to get my husband to return to the Catholic Church.

You and your husband are in my prayers.


#20

My husband was not Christian at one time. I did not speak to him about becoming Christian, but I did discuss issues of faith that I had and ask his opinion.

The forces of evil aren’t trying to keep you silent. The bible says that it is possible to convert your husband without words. I remember that my mother got very angry with me because she couldn’t understand how I wasn’t trying harder to verbally convert my hubby. I showed her in the bible the verses 1 Peter 3:1-2
[LEFT]Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives (1 Pet. 3:1-2).

Prayer, by the way, is as active as fighting a battle. It is not a passive act. You are employing a very powerful weapon in converting him by spending time each day in prayer.

MY hubby is now a devout Catholic and active member of our church.:thumbsup: [/LEFT]


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