This is my first post under an anonymous ID. I’m an author and run a magazine and don’t want my readers to stumble across this. However, I trust the people at Catholic Answers and have gotten great advice.
My husband and I have had many problems over the past several years. He detatched from us years ago, he’s always angry, he struggled with porn - i don’t even know if he stopped - I just stopped asking because it makes him mad, he hates that I’m Catholic and love my faith, he blames the faith for our problems, I’m the root of all our money problems. I even begged him to take it over. I said, “Since I am awful at the finances (at least in his eyes) I’d prefer you to take it over. This way I can’t mess up.” He hasn’t done it yet. So Im still paying bills because if I don’t ( and actually take a stand) then I let them get delinquint. Which will prove his point to himself that I’m irresponsible.
He now has a separate checking account and refuses to get a joint one. We had one but when he lost his job, my income wasn’t enough to sustain it. He’s now working again but refuses to get a joint account because I “let the joint one lapse to be spiteful”. : confused:
He’s angry with me because I refuse birth control. He won’t have relations with out it - so I am now responsible for destroying that aspect of the marraige. I offered NFP- but he refuses. We have 3 children, 2 with chronic medical conditions and he doesn’t want any more kids.
But this is all background. What I’m writing about is something that freaked me out. How far is too far? Last week he raised his hand as if he were going to hit me. He did it twice in 10 minutes. I wish I could tell you what I did or what the argument was about but I can’t remember.
He raised his hand to me only once before but we were both responsible for that. I pushed him too far. This time,though I don’t know what the trigger was other than we were arguing.
I’ve read about abusive situations and he hasn’t actually ever hit me. The emotional stuff I’ve been dealing with - I’ve accepted the cross. It’s not easy and I pray for him. However, I vowed that day that if he ever does hit me, I’m taking the kids and we are out of there. Or has he already gone too far? Talking to him is like talking to the wall. I even get “I’ll try harder” but his attitude towards me is always the same. He often puts me down in front of the kids but they’re getting older and wiser now and they’re seeing how he fights. There are times when my oldest sees the way he talks to me and I have to pull her aside later and tell her to never, ever, ever let a boyfriend talk to you this way. This is not okay. I don’t want her accepting this and landing herself in the same situation as I am.
At my witts end