Some of you already know me, I’ve been married for 10 years to the same man (our only marriage) and am around 31 weeks pregnant with our 5th child. Anyway my anti-Catholic Anglican husband lost his Christian faith entirely just after Easter this year. He has since told me that after 7 years of being overweight (we have a 10, 4, going to be 3, and 1 year old and I’m pregnant with #5) that he’s fed up with my weight. He says he loves me, and wants to be with me always but in an argument spewed out that he thinks polygamy is a good thing (he’s been making comments favorable to polygamy for the past 8 or so months) and threw the name of some woman (the boss’s daughter) who he works with. I was devastated. I’m not only overweight, but I’m nearly 38 years old and she’s rich, late 20’s, and “sweet/nice”-his words. She supposedly doesn’t know how he feels and has only had work related/one personal conversation with him about me being pregnant. He claims that he gets a vibe from her that she likes him too. I cried and cried and am still crying over this. He told me this first in July around the 2nd. He apologized for hurting me and said that he would drop it and it was “over” (his polygamous minded things towards her) but just yesterday in another fight he tells me that “the lady I like at work” (noticed not past tense) and I said “like?” and he said very matter of factly “yes I do” and that real monogamy is to see and like others around you and choose one person to be with and that he has no intention of going after her because I disapprove and it would upset me.
AM I NUTS OR DOES THAT SOUND LIKE “I like her still as much as before and still think polygamy is a good thing but I chose you and will be faithful to you and you should be happy with that and trust me.” He claims that he can’t just “shut it off” and that it’s normal to be attracted to other women and even to “like” them (in a way he likes his wife) but that real monogamy is to choose one person and be with them. I feel like I’m getting scraps. I want my husband’s heart and want him to love only me and “like” only me. He thinks that’s not healthy and or realistic. He just shrugs his shoulders and throws up his hands and says “what do you want from me? What do you want me to do? I can only tell you how I feel and let my actions speak for themselves.”
I feel like he’s going to cheat on me and really still wants to but can’t (yet) from some sense of childhood trauma/morals that he doesn’t want to be like his mother for cheating and leaving his dad and brother and sisters. He’s told me that polygamy isn’t cheating. I reminded him OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT HIS VOWS WERE MONOGAMOUS VOWS…he said that means nothing to him in that that’s not going to make him do what’s right but his sense of right and wrong that he doesn’t want to be a jerk to me.
How long though until he doesn’t care about wanting to hurt me? How long???
I told him just 10 min. ago bawling that what he said is cruel and that his polygamous comments and those comments about that woman were devastating to me. (again I got the shrug and hands thrown up) He said I can only tell you what I have and you need to trust me. He thinks his “honesty” was a good thing that being secretive is worse. But now I feel like I can’t trust him at all. That he will never love me the way I deserve to be loved me and me alone. He says that’s Hollywood romance love. Not real love. He’s told me that “since I worship YHWH”-his words that I shouldn’t have a problem with polygamy since David and Solomon did it. (he thinks Jesus was a false prophet)
PS I’ve suggested counseling but he said that, “150$ an hour to argue is worthless and I don’t think any counselor will see it your way which is why you want to go.” He also cannot stand the Catholic Church still (even though he’s agnostic) and is super hostile to me even being Christian anymore. I don’t want a divorce but I’m wondering when the bomb is finally going to drop. (when my feelings won’t be enough to stop his lust)