Husband trying to accuse me of "mental illness"


#1

Hi,

I’m divorcing my my husband of 6 months so he is legally accusing me of being “mentally ill,” despite the fact I am work high profile jobs and take good care of myself-- no drugs, smoking, or lewd behavior, and go to church. He court ordered my medical records and is looking into my family and is attacking me for taking drugs during the pregnancy-- something I would never ever do, and didn’t do before the pregnancy either.

How do I keep in prayer and faith during all of this? I am tired of all of his abusive lies. Also, he says he doesn’t want custody. Why would he put me through all this if he doesn’t want custody?

Thanks,

~Lily


#2

I am very sorry to hear what is happening in your life. Unfortunately, I don't have enough information to give you a reasoned response. However, it would seem that your husband is lashing out at you for a perceived wrong doing. In addition, a divorce proceeding often brings out the worst in people, largely due to the fact they view it as an indictment of their personality.


#3

I know this is a dificult time for you. Be sure that God is suffering with you. You might want to read 1 and 2 Peter to gain encouragement. Peter writes to persecuted Christians and reminds them that it is better to suffer as an observant Christian than as a sinner. If you retaliate and make up lies about your husband will it stop his attacks on you? I doubt it. This may be hard to hear, but you will be a better person if you stick to your faith and live as an example to all the people who are involved in your case. Perhaps your actions will have an affect on someone who is wavering or considering Christianity. I'll pray for you and your husband. God be with you.


#4

Divorce can bring out the worst in people, I’ve seen it in my closest family. If his behaviour becomes threatening take steps to protect yourself. I guess you already have a lawyer in this situation.
Try and go to daily mass if you can and go to communion. Trust God. He will not abandon you in this mess.


#5

First, find a good lawyer, and require all communication go through him or her - limit your exposure. Record in a notebook every communication and accusation.

During court proceedings, surround yourself with family and friends. Always keep your cool before the judge, and be respectful.

At home, surround yourself with family and friends and lean on them. Speak regularly with your priest too, for his prayers and support. Finally, take a few minutes each day and pray.

Its scary, but you can get through it.


#6

Ok, thank you!! I will read 1 and 2 Peter. I do not have a good lawyer yet.

~Lily


#7

:eek:

With him requesting medical records, etc. you need one ASAP! He sounds like a bully and like he is trying to scare you. Get a good lawyer today!!!

I agree for you to always have support in court, family and friends. NEVER go to court alone, it looks to him as if he’s winning. If you have few people close by, offer to take friends to dinner if they will help you out. Anything so he doesn’t get the idea he is on top of you.


#8

[quote="lily20, post:6, topic:252660"]

I do not have a good lawyer yet.
~Lily

[/quote]

Girl, you better get busy asap. He is working against you and could harm you. You really don't want to take any chances here. Protect yourself.
God bless and take care.


#9

Thank you so much for your sound advice. I just found a better lawyer yesterday which I'm interviewing this afternoon. He wants a protection order asap on my husband and he said the medical records subpoena is unheard of for an unborn baby.

Yes, my man is out to harm me. I've known that for many months. That's why I left in the first place. I am being completely mowed over by him and his lawyer in court now. It may even go to trial.

But this new lawyer seems good, and he is Catholic as well--- please PRAY for me today.

In Christ,

~Lily


#10

All I can say is “:thumbsup:”. You’re on the right track!


#11

[quote="lily20, post:1, topic:252660"]
Hi,

I'm divorcing my my husband of 6 months so he is legally accusing me of being "mentally ill," despite the fact I am work high profile jobs and take good care of myself-- no drugs, smoking, or lewd behavior, and go to church. He court ordered my medical records and is looking into my family and is attacking me for taking drugs during the pregnancy-- something I would never ever do, and didn't do before the pregnancy either.

How do I keep in prayer and faith during all of this? I am tired of all of his abusive lies. Also, he says he doesn't want custody. Why would he put me through all this if he doesn't want custody?

Thanks,

~Lily

[/quote]

[quote="lily20, post:9, topic:252660"]
Thank you so much for your sound advice. I just found a better lawyer yesterday which I'm interviewing this afternoon. He wants a protection order asap on my husband and he said the medical records subpoena is unheard of for an unborn baby.

Yes, my man is out to harm me. I've known that for many months. That's why I left in the first place. I am being completely mowed over by him and his lawyer in court now. It may even go to trial.

But this new lawyer seems good, and he is Catholic as well--- please PRAY for me today.

In Christ,

~Lily

[/quote]

Yikes - you've only been married 6 months, and you know he's been out to harm you for months? What happened? Did he change overnight once the wedding occurred? Or is he the one that is mentally ill and you didn't find that out until you began living as husband and wife? (If this is too uncomfortable a question, you don't have to answer, but it might be something your lawyer may be able to use in defending you).


#12

Hail Mary full of grace! The Lord is with you!
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of death.

St Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle!


#13

[quote="lily20, post:9, topic:252660"]
Thank you so much for your sound advice. I just found a better lawyer yesterday which I'm interviewing this afternoon. He wants a protection order asap on my husband and he said the medical records subpoena is unheard of for an unborn baby.

Yes, my man is out to harm me. I've known that for many months. That's why I left in the first place. I am being completely mowed over by him and his lawyer in court now. It may even go to trial.

But this new lawyer seems good, and he is Catholic as well--- please PRAY for me today.

In Christ,

~Lily

[/quote]

Hi Lily,

I'm so sorry to hear about the rough ride you're going through right now, but I'm glad you got some good legal counsel and that you are doing your part to do right by you and your unborn. Hang in there, keep close to God. I'll be praying for you. :console:


#14

My xh was doing the same thing behind my back - it was a prevention so that when I spoke up eventually about the abuse I would not be believed. It worked in a small town. You need a lawyer immediately. It is the only way I got through it. Contact Catholic Charities for help - counseling to deal with stress and prove you are well adjusted and see what else they can do. No, I did not know my xh had the mental illness he did until I found his medical records after he was gone. Use my link below for the annulment and divorce support group and you may find the support you need there - we have all been through it. I am so sorry you are going through this.


#15

[quote="lily20, post:9, topic:252660"]
Thank you so much for your sound advice. I just found a better lawyer yesterday which I'm interviewing this afternoon. He wants a protection order asap on my husband and he said the medical records subpoena is unheard of for an unborn baby.

Yes, my man is out to harm me. I've known that for many months. That's why I left in the first place. I am being completely mowed over by him and his lawyer in court now. It may even go to trial.

But this new lawyer seems good, and he is Catholic as well--- please PRAY for me today.

In Christ,

~Lily

[/quote]

The above advice from posters is excellent. I pray the new lawyer works out real well for you. Our Lord will be right be your side - keep Him close in your heart through prayer and the sacraments through all of this. May He bless you always and help bring you peace of mind.


#16

Thank you to everyone with the heart to listen to me. Your prayers and support mean a lot to me.

The new lawyer said he has a friend, a top-gun lawyer in the same county as my case that may be able to help. He sent his friend a personal email and he's agreed to meet with me this coming week. He said that my husband may not stop and that I have to match him with a top-gun lawyer. He said they will use anything and everything against me, to prove that I am "Crazy." Even things that show that I was reasonable, they will twist around in court.

God bless you for your help, it keeps me strong to fight this battle.

~Lily

Peter 1
13 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14 But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats*; do not be frightened.”[c] 15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord.
keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 17 For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. 18
*


#17

That’s wonderful news – it sounds like you’ll need this top-gun lawyer. Leave the legal stuff to him, and ground yourself in prayer.

:gopray:


#18

Thank you so much for all your support and blessings. I was able to hire a better lawyer. Things are so much better. My husband and I even met, and he took away all the orders for medical records/psych exam/etc. I don't trust him, and he may do something else to me later. He already started asking me about "postpartum depression," (I'm having our baby next month) like he may try to make an issue out of it to spite me or take the baby away.

I am still terribly in love with his fake charm when we met, I realized. I asked him, if he were willing to work on his anger, if we could try to reconcile, and perhaps even I could come home after a while. He said no. It was a terrible moment that I am lost and pregnant, low on money, and needing affection, a supportive husband, partner, and care. I asked if he could at least hold my hand and comfort me in his arms, and he said no.

I know I am a fool after all this abuse for wanting that in my heart. He has no respect for me as a person. Yet I have fresh, re-emerged feelings for him. So I am in a twist of emotions. Any care would be appreciated.

Should I completely give up hope on our marriage? We have two months before our divorce is final. I think it's the lost, happy dream of "daddy, mommy, and baby" that kills me. My friend said yesterday, "make Jesus the baby's Father."

Struggling, but getting stronger,

~Lily


#19

No, I would give it a lot more time. Babies can make us very emotional, he's the dad, but you have your work cut out for you in the future...what does your lawyer say about custody and rights there? You do have to deal with this man for at least the next 18 plus years, i hope he changes for the better, but it just seems like too much too soon.

I forgot, what about your mom? can she come to help you? Dad? Best girlfriend?Maybe find a childbirth class and bond with some of the moms. Find a coach to help you...

peace be with you...


#20

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.