Husband wants me to divorce him but he won't do it, trying to drive me to divorce him


#21

you received some well meant advice here from people in a position to offer it through sad first hand experience.

you need pastoral counselling and legal advice. today.
if you don't get it you are putting yourself and your child at risk and you could conceivably be held accountable for harm done to him if you cooperate with what your husband is doing. Please do not take our word for it but get the help of the shelter to get you free legal advice.

I doubt very much if you will take the advice because you sound too committed to the power struggle with your husband over the divorce issue. sad
we will pray for you all


#22

I will pray for you and your family :slight_smile:

Getting out of a toxic relationship is extremely difficult and not as simple as some might think.


#23

Jesus gave the keys of the kingdom to St. Peter and said:

“I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.”

The Church has a process for annulment (invalid marriage) - look into it. If you accept the church for its authority granted by Christ then you must accept this also. I would add, many marriages seem impossible but are made possible through Christianity - first pray the rosary daily - and do all that you are prompted to do by the Holy Spirit - Jesus did forbid divorce - but remember He also gave the power to bind and loose to the Church He founded - may the Holy Spirit guide through this and see you through to paradise someday.


#24

“Getting out of a toxic relationship is extremely difficult and not as simple as some might think.”

If I can do it with 8 bucks in my wallet a 9 yr old kid, 2 dogs, a cat, and a horse then she can start the process while living in a camper with internet access. :rolleyes:
Getting out of a toxic relationship is just that simple. You put one foot in front of the other because you WANT a better life for your kid.

Women with children do it everyday not because they want to but because they have to. They no longer care about “UNDERSTANDING” their husbands and TRYING to “psychoanalze” his past—no they only care about having a peaceful life for their children free from fear.

There are a multitude of services out there to assist her in moving forward. She has internet access so it should not be too difficult for her to get the ball rolling.


#25

[quote="horselvr, post:19, topic:245678"]

" he kept us trapped in a dilapidated mobilehome trailer full of water leaks and toxic black mold. My son & I were always sick" But I do love him".

And still you insist that you are a "GOOD MOTHER". NOBODY keeps anybody trapped---YOU kept yourself and your toddler trapped. How sad for the baby to have to live like that.

[/quote]

Dear Horselvr:

If you are going to attempt to quote me, please do so accurately, not cutting and pasting quotes from different sentences together to make one new sentence of your own constructing.... "But I do love him" had nothing to do with the trapped in the moldy trailer sentence. You are crossing a line cutting and pasting like that so please if you chose to reply, do not quote me inappropriaely again.

In regards to your second silly statement about ME trapping myself & my child, without enough money to leave (remember, if you will, that he does not have me on ANY of our accounts so the only $ I have at any given time is what he chooses to give me, IF he chooses to do so), I, in fact could not go rent something on my own and so was trapped just as the Women's Shelter determined. The only option I had after it became clear that my husband was not going to do anything was to take myself & my child to the Women's Shelter where we were provided temporary housing in the safe house & we began to get healthier. Since leaving the safe house, I have not moved back to the mold house and will not do so. That, dear horselvr, is called being a good mother and your silly, angry statements can't break my spirit. On second thought, please don't bother replying any longer, I have no use for mean spirited attitudes...I have enough of that in my life w/o yours, too.


#26

Thank you for this sane, helpful advice and Scripture. Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought annulement had a time limit within the first year of marriage.


#27

Thank you for your prayers and understanding.


#28

Dear Horselvr, you should be rebuked for your arrogant pride. It does come before a fall and pride is blinding… like blinding you from seeing the need to be compassionate, tenderhearted and not judgemental.

God gave you your sufferings in this life not for you to toot your own horn but to be able to be compassionate to those who would come after you with, not exactly the same but similar sufferings to be able to comfort them and minister to them.


#29

Please read carefully my posts…numerous church counselling and legal advice (both free and paid for) I have undertaken which have led me to my choice precisely because I am NOT committed to a divorce power struggle w/my husband but because I am commited to avoiding a custody battle when I already have parental control and influence of my children without any struggles with my husband over that most important issue.


#30

Thank you, I will check it out shortly. And thank you for your prayers.


#31

[quote="boogoopoo858909, post:26, topic:245678"]
Thank you for this sane, helpful advice and Scripture. Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought annulement had a time limit within the first year of marriage.

[/quote]

I think here you are confusing legal annulment with Church annulment. Don't worry about the legal one. The Church one - actually called decree of nullity process can be done at any time after a divorce and has to be done if either party seeks to remarry or for that matter date. Otherwise a divorce is basically just that a legal separation in the eyes of the Church. Sacramentally you will still be married to your husband. This is the only way that a Sacrament of Matrimony is deemed invalid. Should someone marry without a decree of nullity then they cannot receive Eucharist as they are in a state of being married to two people.


#32

Boo: You are absolutely correct about the custody issue as I also had that very same fear and with good reason since my X made an incredible salary also. Knowing that was my big fear, he would use that for control and tell me he would fight for custody and win and take our son overseas and I would never see him because he had the money to follow through and I was a stay at home Mom.

Here's my question to you: what will you do when he forces your hand?? When your only option is to call the police and have him removed because circumstances will eventually escalate and you now have to act??

What then?

Make no mistake----I have plenty of compassion and tenderness---for the children. For a woman that prefers to complain and play on the internet ? Not so much. Why---because you have a choice your baby does not.

Oh and of course NO ONE can help you—not even the Church is helping you, not even the lawyer you spoke to.

And of course no one has enough compassion especially when they tell you like it is and not give you the endless “poor, poor thing” or the pat on the back for being the perceived "Good Mother".

Of course-----I'm not tenderhearted, compassionate, and oh so judge mental and let's not forget tooting my own horn. Of course your right about all that---oh well, it's my cross whenever I see a woman that prefers to allow her kid to live in squaller for 18 years being neglected, abused, abandoned yada, yada.

Here's your exact words re-read them and then tell me how much boohooing you still expect:

“But my husband does not want me around and his abuse, neglect, hyper-control of me, occassional abandonement, disregard, degredation, putting his adult children first before me and our minor children, humiliation, dishonor of me and even neglect & abandonement of our toddler are the by products of what he tells me all the time.”

And a few paragraphs later:

“I am not being petty when I speak of abuse. My toddler & I ended up in a "safe house" because of my husband's abuse and neglect and at this point, he has put us in a camping trailer and abandoned us in a campground while he goes on with his life as though we don;t exist and only his adult daughters matter.”

In your next post you state that:

“he kept us trapped in a dilapidated mobilehome trailer full of water leaks and toxic black mold. My son & I were always sick”.

“my husband does not let me have access to any of our accounts and money,”

You sure have an awful lot of fight in you for such an abused woman it makes me wonder why you are still with him. Oh, that’s right. Please see below:

“Someone asked, what is keeping me with him? I do love him,”

It never ceases to amaze me when a woman comes on the internet and tells the whole world the ongoing abuse she and the children are subjected to and then becomes indignant when someone doesn’t dole out the sympathy and is actually honest with them.


#33

I understand why it is so easy to stay with an abusive man. In your situation it is because you think you have to. I am telling you that you don’t and that the Church does not even tell you this either.

Please Read This Statement

Let me highlight this statement:

Finally, we emphasize that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage. Some abused women believe that church teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship. They may hesitate to seek a separation or divorce. They may fear that they cannot re-marry in the Church. Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage. We encourage abused persons who have divorced to investigate the possibility of seeking an annulment. An annulment, which determines that the marriage bond is not valid, can frequently open the door to healing.


#34

Hello,

Put your family in the care of the Immaculate Heart of Mary immediately, and pray that prayer everyday- all day if you have to. This is a battleground for everyone's souls- yours, your husband's, your children. Put Mary in charge, and act like Christ's warrior, not like the devil.
Ask yourself daily if the feelings you have when you think of your husband's sins are leading you closer to God. Yes, those angry feelings are justified, but...are they advancing God's Kingdom on earth?
Do you trust God? Do you think He wants to heal your family? Do you think God wants to heal your family? He wants that; it can happen, and it will happen, if you persevere. Have faith in everything.

When I read your post, I knew I had to respond. I was in the same exact boat for many years. Ten years. Yes, he was abusive, very much so, in every way. But now, by the grace of God, my husband is a saint. The man I first married, the man I hoped for, is here, back again. But it was me who changed. (Many confessions, many Divine Mercy hours later. I prayed that God would not lead me or my decisions astray, especially when I sought help from a priest. I did follow the priests' advice, even if it was confusing at times...) Nothing works like asking God for patience, perseverance, courage, strength, faith, hope and love, and listening to God and your husband. My husband changed when I grew in faith and love.
Ephesians 5:21: I don't have it committed to memory, but it is indeed the "wives be submissive to your husbands" quote. Remember, this bizarre recommendation (to be obedient) is part of a mystery. It shouldn't be a death sentence.
Jesus is very aware of your suffering. He does not want it, He wants you to be happy. You have the same love for your husband that I had, and that is a great gift from God. So is your perseverance to stay with him, I believe. My husband wanted to divorce, too (for what?! I asked:What did I do?!? I refused to divorce him...not good for my kids or society.) Use your (and your family's) guardian angels for help. You can see their immediate help. Pay attention to them- they watch over you, cry with you, and order things the way God wishes.
Your suffering won't last forever. Hang in there. God is in charge, even if it feels like hell. I always wonder why God just didn't correct everything right away, when I asked for it. I still wonder why I suffered so much, and for so long. I have to pray to understand more.
Keep in mind that God has a mission for you....!
I really will pray that nothing that I typed will lead you away from the Truth- Jesus.
Pray to Mary!!
I bid you and your family- no matter how messy they are- peace and love.


#35

I am wondering what help you want. Every solution people give you gets shot down with a yeah but…all you want is for people to say. It’s okay honey we will pray for you.
you have choices, you have options…it’s a lot harder for a man to get custody than you think. It doesn’t sound like you really want to change your situation. I actually feel compassion for both you and you child, but compassion doesn’t mean saying "hey it’s okay to raise your kid this way."
Sometimes compassion means, “hey, look what your doing! look at hoe you are allowing your child to live and put up with!”


#36

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