Husband wants to stop using NFP


#1

My DH and I have been married for 1.5 years and we have been using NFP since getting married as we were both in university at the time. However, DH has recently graduated and I have 7 months of my degree left.

Now, over the last few months DH has been really wanting us to be open to having children. I, on the other hand, truly want to have children, but am concerned about being pregnant and trying to finish my degree (which is nursing) at the same. I’m not sure if these concerns are well founded, or perhaps they are selfish… I’m not sure.

Over the last few months he has been respectfully supporting my decision to wait a little longer, but yesterday we both found out that his sister and brother’s wife are pregnant (his brother married a few months ago and is younger than us).

Anyways, this last bit of news has caused a great deal of stress between us. DH now feels that my reasons for waiting aren’t “serious matters”, I feel envious over the fact that his siblings are pregnant but I also feel resistant to getting pregnant now because I want to finish my degree.

Any advice? Have you ever experiences anything similar?

Yours in Christ,
Josefa


#2

If you only have 7 months left to get your degree and you got pregnant now (assuming you get pregnant right away, which is a big assumption), then you’d have about 2-3 months after you were done before the baby came (unless my math is off! lol). What’s the problem? :smiley:

God bless,
Jennifer


#3

I think you need to get him some pregnancy books and read aloud the symptoms. Or maybe you could tape a watermelon to his abdomen all day and night. Or, you could make him stay up for three days straight so he could get an idea of the fatigue.

Ask him how you will finish your clinicals if you have to go on bedrest.

It’s neat he is so eager to be a father, though.


#4

Well, normal pregnancies are 9 months :wink: You could get pregnant today and still finish your degree before the baby arrives. However, you have no way of knowing how the pregnancy will affect you. You may have terrible morning sickness or even be placed on bedrest. How does he feel about the possibility of you becoming incapacitated during pregnancy and unable to complete your degree? Maybe he just thinks “7 is less than 9” and hasn’t thought any further than that. I would suggest you both prayerfully discern the proper course of action before setting your minds on anything. If you’re both open to God’s Will, He will put in your hearts what He wants you to do.


#5

In the grand scheme of things, 7 months is very short-term. You’ve probably worked long and hard to get this far in your degree, and being pregnant is a lot of work (I hear anyway:p ). I agree that your husband needs to fully understand and appreciate the stressed that a pregnancy would place on a woman’s body, and the importance of you finishing your hard-earned degree.

We are in such great need of people in the medical field who appreciate NFP that IMO your degree is extremely important and a very serious reason to avoid.


#6

Not all pregnancies last 9 months. Mine lasted 7 months.

And there are other issues. I remember being so tired, the first two months, that I would come home from work and nap for three hours, get up, eat and go back to bed for the night.

I had friends that threw up every morning for the first three months.

I agree, ask him how he would feel about you not being able to finish your degree.


#7

Experience that came to mind: My mother was pregnant while finishing her master’s degree (finished around due date). She was able to do it. The doctor I shadowed in college got pregnant and delivered during medical school. She was able to do it too. A girl that worked with me in college was pregnant and also delivered after graduation. There are many, many women out there that have been able to do all sorts of things while pregnant. I’m just saying that pregnancy does not necessarily equal not finishing a degree. Will you be able to finish? I don’t know, each person is different and has a different pregnancy experience.

Also, even if you stop using nfp, this does not necessarily mean you will get pregnant immediately, though you could.

It really depends on you and your husband to prayerfully reflect on this and decide. You can seek guidance of a good spiritual director too. In the end you are the ones who will be responsible before God. Whether you avoid for 1 month or 10 years, you need to have serious/just/grave reasons to do so. Its important for you and your spouse to be on the same page, since it is a joint effort and joint responsibility.


#8

My completely unsolicited and biased opinion: have children. They are a blessing, it will remove a source of friction with the hubby, having children later is a more difficult adjustment than sooner, and you will realize that you had no idea what love was before you had the child.

Scott


#9

Well, seven is less than nine - but that doesn’t mean a thing when it comes to pregnancies. Like someone else pointed out, seven months is a small amount of time in the scheme of things :smiley: .

Now, I have to tell you that we practiced NFP far more diligently when we were trying to get pregnant than otherwise … so… why are you going to “stop using NFP”? Talk to your husband about getting even better about reading the fertile signs in the next seven cycles and, well, learn to “time it” so that there is a greater chance of getting pregnant. My husband swears that we got pregnant all three times with our first month of using these signs to have the marital embrace!

NFP goes both ways remember, that is one of the beauties of using this method of child spacing.

Whatever you decide, include God.

Brenda V.


#10

I would wait the 7 months. (or maybe just 5-6 months) Being pregnant can be very difficult. In the mean time, have him read books about babies and you start taking a prenatal vitamin and you can both work on being as healthy as possible, eating right, exercising, etc.


#11

I like this idea! Start eating better, get that book on nutrition from the Couple to Couple League (“Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition” by Marilyn Shannon). Get your body fit(ter) to be pregnant - the same with your husband! Start timing things right five or six months from now and go from there!

This is such an awesome problem to have actually :stuck_out_tongue: . You want children, just not for a few more months, your husband wants them now!

I will pray for both of you to come to a Godly decision.

Brenda V.


#12

I vote for finishing your degree first, it’s only 7 months.

I was working on my nursing degree and was pregnant and it was HARD. There is so much you have to learn and clinicals are physically demanding. It’s not like you can “miss” a clinical because your puking all day.

You’ll be glad you got your degree behind you, and so will your DH when he looks back on things. :thumbsup:


#13

Hi Congrats on your up coming graduation. My question is once you graduate than you will have state boards, then a new job etc… So really when do you want to start trying? There is never a perfect time, but in God’s time things will work out. DH and I have been trying for over 2 years, I was in school for my MSN when we got married and started trying and we still have not gotten PG. There are no guarantees that you will get PG right away just as there are no guarantees that you will carry to term. So don’t plan your life around school. Plan around the health of your body and your child, and your family- prayerfully keeping God at the center of your plans.

I would take the idea of planning your nutrition, exercise etc… (if you are anything like me, nursing school does a number on your physical fitness or lack there of) A great book is Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy Make appointments to go to your OB/GYN and begin discussing your health, both you and your husband should get physicals make sure you are in the best shape possible. By the time you do all of that you will have gone through at least a couple of months, you will be healthier and have more information.

As a side note I had several friends who were pregnant and delivered both during their BSN and their MSN. So no matter what happens God will provide.

Good luck and God Bless.


#14

You are assuming that you will get pregnant as soon as you stop NFP. While for planning purposes that may make sense to consider that as a real possibility, not everyone gets pregnant the first month or two after they are hoping to. Many couples are devastated to find that they are unable to get pregnant when they want or at all without medical intervention. Depending on your age, most doctors don’t consider you infertile until you have been trying to get pregnant for a full year. Just another possibility to factor into your equation.


#15

Another thought that occurred to me regarding your husband’s position is that it might have very little to do with wanting to stop using NFP to avoid or having a baby right away, and more with his need to exercise his role as bread winner now that he is no longer in school and can support his wife and possibly a child.

Perhaps some kind of idea that appeals to this sense would help you gain some common ground. I really liked the idea of using this time to study pregancy and birthing, eat properly, take your vits, and exercise to make sure you are prepared mentally and physically. There is certainly something to be said for having kids as soon as reasonably possible, too. In the end, it is up to you and your husband to prayerfully discern whether your reason is serious enough, and if so, whether you’re being called to “override” what might seem a serious reason.

One of my favorite Bible verses is “Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” In other words, if you feed your desire to do God’s will in your marriage, your own wants will become aligned with what He wants to accomplish through your marriage.


#16

Thanks, I really like the idea of preparing for pregnancy with DH. I think this would help us both get on the same page; in fact, he’s already agreed that it’s a good idea (reading books, eating right, getting in shape, etc.) I also agree that there are no guarantees to getting pregnant once we start trying.

Also, I really think that it would be difficult being pregnant while finishing up my program as I still have to do my preceptorship, etc. But I think what we’ll do is assess how things are going on a monthly basis.

I know that some people mentioned a few books regarding eating well for pregnancy; is anyone else aware of other good books that would be beneficial to read over the next few months?

Thanks! :slight_smile:


#17

Dr. Sears’ The Baby Book, The Pregnancy Book, The Breastfeeding Book… well, any of them LOL
askdrsears.com/store/products.asp?cat=20
plus their web site:
askdrsears.com/

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding—LLL

Gentle Birth Choices – Barbara Harper, Suzanne Arms

The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth
by Henci Goer, Rhonda Wheeler

Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing: How Ecological Breastfeeding Spaces Babies
by Sheila K. Kippley

Ina Mays Guide to Natural Childbirth

A Child is Born by Lennart Nilsson

The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Shelia Kitzinger

Your Pregnancy Week-By-Week by Glade B. Curtis M. D.

The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning
by Kathleen Huggins and Linda Ziedrich

Mothering Your Nursing Toddler
by Norma Jane Bumgarner

kellymom.org site about breastfeeding with tons of info and book reviews, etc…

I’m sure there’s more I’m missing or forgetting! LOL Happy reading! :smiley:

Jennifer


#18

I second the Dr. Sear’s Baby Book. Its like a manuel for being a parent of a baby (Something I recall people always saying didn’t exist when I was a child LOL).


#19

Sibling rivalry, IMHO, does not seem like a good reason to start having children. Besides, suppose you don’t finish your degree, and later it becomes necessary for you to use it to help support your children? What then?


#20

I agree, but the OP was trying to figure out whether or not they have serious reasons not to have children. We shouldn’t wait for reasons to have children, just know that we can avoid them if a just/serious/grave reason arises.
The pregnancy of the sibling could just be something that helped them look at things from a new light.
They are the only ones who can decide this (and I know you weren’t trying to decide for them, but anyways).


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.