Husband wont go to Church


#1

Hello Everyone,
I am new here and am so glad I found this sight! I would like some help on what to do about my husband. We went to Catholic school together, when we got married it was in church. However now he says that he only did it becuse he was forced to. His parents made him go to catholic school and to church. He also says he had to go to church with me becuse he knew i wanted to be married in the church. Now he says he was forced to enough and he wont go. I am worried becuse I hate to go alone, my family all goes and they always want to know where he is. Also when we have a child I want to batize it into the church, and I want to have a husband that goes with me and the child, I dont want to have to explaine why dad dosent have to go but you do. I stoped going for a while becuse he didnt want me to, he said it was more time I could spend with him. My sister got me to go back and i have been twice now and the feeling is awsome. I love church and miss it it feels like I am home when I am there. What do I do about my husband? I want him to come back with me, but he says I cant change him and he wont do anything he dosent want to. Thanks for listening and I hope you all have a good weekend.
Sarah


#2

There is quite a bit that can be done. For now, just love him, the rest will come...:hug3:

With God's graces...


#3

What needs to happen at your Parish, if it isn't happening yet, is a ministry for the men of the Parish. Christ renews His Parish is a program where the women and men have separate retreats. This is additional to the men getting together in a men's group. Finally, there are extra (curricular one might say) activities that a man will go to: Bible study is the most intensive, or some class like RCIA which even Catholic can attend, missions at the Parish are times when people who don't attend can renew their faith. Also, couples ministries, or he might join in with the festival setups .... men, electricity, simple carpentry skills ... or if he is a businessman, money raising opportunities for buses, auctions for schools ... missions to another poorer area in the country from the Parish .... myriads of opportunites to be involved in one's Catholic Faith in order to increase one's Faith by being with others who, I can assure you, will be able to help him with whatever questions he has if necessary, or just show good examples which will turn him towards the right path. I hope that he will realize how important the Faith is in today's world, just as it has always been. Maybe you could be involved in liturgy planning, if that is his problem ... of course, I suspect he feels alienated from others at your Parish, so my advice above would be good. Men need other men.


#4

How old are you?

How old is he?


#5

[quote="Sarah29ny, post:1, topic:203301"]
My sister got me to go back and i have been twice now and the feeling is awsome. I love church and miss it it feels like I am home when I am there. What do I do about my husband? I want him to come back with me, but he says I cant change him and he wont do anything he dosent want to.

[/quote]

My eldest son’s girlfriend was the exact same way with vegetables. Overzealous, well-meaning health conscious parents had literally shoved vegetables down her throat since childhood such that she never was given the opportunity to say no or to choose for herself, so by the time she was out of their house she was living on white bread and processed cheese and little else, and had zero cooking skills or interest. When one isn’t ever allowed to say “no” in life, one sadly ends up never really being able to say “yes” either.

We all cooked and ate vegetables all the time around her and respected her choice to decline them and didn’t so much as bat an eye over it. We took her along to our favorite Greek restaurants as a matter of course and ate all manner of “exotic” vegetable dishes all around her, bathed in hummus or taziki sauce, and oohing and ahhing over bits of this and that shared off each other’s plates. It was just fine with everybody if all she ordered was a cheese sandwich and wasn’t interested. We all respected her right to choose for herself, no problem.

Then one afternoon I had made up a batch of hummus in the kitchen… it seemed a bit flat. What was wrong with it? What had I forgotten? I was passing out the spoons and asking everyone who happened to walk into the house… not enough lemon? Not enough sesame? Not enough garlic? Somebody help me out here, come on guys….*She took a spoon and tried it… *“I think it needs a little salt…”
Wow…. pass the celery…. and she was right about the salt!

The individual whose free will has been violated must be allowed to decide and to choose for himself without intimidation or coercion or force or begging and pleading.
Simply give your husband a big hug and kiss, smile, and happily go off to any and all Church activities saying “well, I’ll miss you, but have a nice time!” making it clear that you respect his decision for himself, and that you expect that he will equally respect your decision for yourself, which you are clear on, and that you are absolutely just fine without him tagging along, no problem. (You don’t need him to eat his vegetables in the least, and you are happy to oooh and ahhh over your vegetables just fine without him.)

My son’s girlfriend eventually married my son…. and surprisingly took up, of all things.... Greek cooking! She even makes her own pita bread in the oven on a hot pizza stone at this point. Wow. It can be amazing to observe the honest heartfelt“yes!” that can result in life after oneself and one’s free will and one’s right to say “no” has finally been respected in this world.


#6

[quote="Sarah29ny, post:1, topic:203301"]
Hello Everyone,
I am new here and am so glad I found this sight! I would like some help on what to do about my husband. We went to Catholic school together, when we got married it was in church. However now he says that he only did it becuse he was forced to. His parents made him go to catholic school and to church. He also says he had to go to church with me becuse he knew i wanted to be married in the church. Now he says he was forced to enough and he wont go. I am worried becuse I hate to go alone, my family all goes and they always want to know where he is. Also when we have a child I want to batize it into the church, and I want to have a husband that goes with me and the child, I dont want to have to explaine why dad dosent have to go but you do. I stoped going for a while becuse he didnt want me to, he said it was more time I could spend with him. My sister got me to go back and i have been twice now and the feeling is awsome. I love church and miss it it feels like I am home when I am there. What do I do about my husband? I want him to come back with me, but he says I cant change him and he wont do anything he dosent want to. Thanks for listening and I hope you all have a good weekend.
Sarah

[/quote]

Don't give up your eternal soul for any human being.
Always put Jesus first.
As you know, it is a Mortal sin to miss Mass on Sunday. Thank goodness for your Sister.

Set a good example by going to Mass every Sunday, and Confession once a month. Rather than TV read your Bible and CCC.
Pray the Rosary as often as possible, include the intention of his re-Conversion.
If your family asks, tell them the truth. Ask for them to pray for him too.

He knew that you and your family were good Catholics when he was courting you. So none of this should be a surprise to him.


#7

[quote="Sarah29ny, post:1, topic:203301"]
Hello Everyone,
I am new here and am so glad I found this sight! I would like some help on what to do about my husband. We went to Catholic school together, when we got married it was in church. However now he says that he only did it becuse he was forced to. His parents made him go to catholic school and to church. He also says he had to go to church with me becuse he knew i wanted to be married in the church. Now he says he was forced to enough and he wont go. I am worried becuse I hate to go alone, my family all goes and they always want to know where he is. Also when we have a child I want to batize it into the church, and I want to have a husband that goes with me and the child, I dont want to have to explaine why dad dosent have to go but you do. I stoped going for a while becuse he didnt want me to, he said it was more time I could spend with him. My sister got me to go back and i have been twice now and the feeling is awsome. I love church and miss it it feels like I am home when I am there. What do I do about my husband? I want him to come back with me, but he says I cant change him and he wont do anything he dosent want to. Thanks for listening and I hope you all have a good weekend.
Sarah

[/quote]

He sounds very young, but regardless this is a control test. He's testing his decision making abilities and perhaps attempting to test whether or not he can make decisions for you as well. What he decides for himself (to go or not go to mass) you will not be able to effect. HOWEVER, DO NOT LET HIM MAKE THAT DECISION FOR YOU! You be the mature one and set the example. The next time he brings up "spending quality time" together, get a big smile and thank him for accompanying you to mass. What time has a better quality than the time a husband and wife spends together before Christ in the mass?

God bless and I'll say a prayer for both of you.


#8

[quote="1ke, post:4, topic:203301"]
How old are you?

How old is he?

[/quote]

I am 29 and he is thirty. Thank you everyone for you awsome advice. I talked to him about joining a mens group at church and he said no. My sister is part of the alter rosary society and wants me to join with her. However he says no becuse that takes our time away from each other. We will have to work it out, this weekend is my churches mount carmel feast. My family goes and volunteers every year. This year I am going to help out, I havent been in a few years.
Thank you so much everyone for listening, oh and I did tell my parents why he wont go. They dont think very much of it, they say the woke us up to go to church and put us in catholic school, and now my sisters and I go on our own, Who knows I hope this is resolved before we have children.
Have a good weekend everyone.


#9

[quote="Sarah29ny, post:8, topic:203301"]
My sister is part of the alter rosary society and wants me to join with her. However he says no becuse that takes our time away from each other.

We will have to work it out, this weekend is my churches mount carmel feast. My family goes and volunteers every year. This year I am going to help out, I havent been in a few years.
Who knows I hope this is resolved before we have children.
Have a good weekend everyone.

[/quote]

He said what now?:eek::mad: If you want to join the alter rosary society then you join. If he wants to spend more time with you then he knows exactly where you are. Or you can tell him to give up some of his free time another day if he wants to spend more time with you. I am sorry but this makes me a little upset. You have the freedom of religion, just like he does, and you can choose to practice that religion. You are not asking to go the bar or out playing softball 3 nights a week.

As far as any future children, even if he is still not going back to church he should accept that they will be baptised and raised Catholic. He married you in the Catholic church and deceived you in believing that he was a practicing Catholic before you were married and therefore cannot oppose the children's Catholic up bringing in any logical manner.

If I were you I would sit down and calmly explain that you are going to go to Mass and what ever other church activities you are going to do and that you hope he would respect and maybe even support your choice in religion and how you practice it, just as you respect his choice to not attend at this time. (I know I don't sound very calm in the post above but that is really the way to go :p).

I pray that you come to and understanding in your marriage and that with time and prayers you husband will return to the church. :signofcross:


#10

I too am of the mentally that his line about 'spending more time together' is a manipulation tactic. How inconsiderate that for you to spend time with your husband you have to change your schedule!!!!!!! When he knew from the beginning religion was important to you.

I would be firm about going to church every week. However, I would limit some of my extra church activities (mainly because you have to do some compromising as well and you can't be out every night without him)

I also agree that if he was forced to go to church, he is now rebelling. Hopefully he will outgrow it but there are no guarantees. I think understanding is what he needs.

Now, to be honest, I am a woman. I use to date a man whose mother went to church regulary. My ex would think 'Great ! I can sit beside my mom and my girlfriend at the same time' WRONG. I would NOT go to church with his mom. I felt she was too pushy with her ideas. When I go to church, I can't control who else is in the church. But I can control who I go with and choose to sit beside. I can only sit beside someone who shares my faith in the same manner. If I sit beside someone with opposing views, it distracts my concentration to open my heart. I can't open my heart sitting besides people I don't like.

So, I have to wonder if the fact that your family is there is not the #1 reason he won't go. If the way to get him to come to church with you is to go to a different parish your family is not at, I would agree to this

CM


#11

very true thanks guys, I asked him to go to a diffrent church becuse he says our priest offended him. We had not gone from the time we got married, and when we walked in our priest pretended to have a heart attack, then said just jokeing im so glad your back havent seen you in a while. Now he hates our priest for this, and thats said becuse he is sweet. We have more problems to, we did lots of stuff when we were dateing now he stays in bed all weekend long, and on the week days he comes home gets the dinner i have made and goes straight to bed with it. Then after dinner he is on his comp or playing video games in bed.
I ask him to eat at the table with me, then go for a walk. He says no he dosent like to do thoughs things. He tells me its ok becuse he dose do things for me, on the weekends he gets up about 6:00 and showers then we go to dinner and target. I told him I want more out of my weekends and week days, just go to church with me go for a walk, lets go golfing. He told me hes never going to do the things I want so I just better deal with it. He did go to the movies with me this weekend, but we planed to go to the early one and he stayed in bed to long so we had to go to the late show. He tells me I nagg him to much and to just let him be. He screams at me so hard when I do things wrong. I dropped his psp this weekend becuse I was moving it to clean and he tried to grab it out of my hands,I didnt think I was ever going to live that down. One time I forgot to turn off a light he followed me around for months saying did you turn off the light. If I dont clean as well as he likes he scuffs his feet on our hard wood floors and says nope not clean enough, I am a therapy aide and dont make alot of money, so he thinks he is the ruler becuse he makes more then I do and makes every desision. Im going back to school becuse of this, he tells me when I got my degree the first time I should have looked to see what job makes the most money. I just dont know what to do with myself these days. I love him dont want to ever get divorced, but im sooooo fustrated I almost walked yesterday, I dont knwo what to do. Cant tell my family they would hate him and drive me crazy to leave him. Im sorry I shouldnt have posted all of this on here im sure of it but I just dont know what to do. Oh and I forgot one thing he has a teddy bear from when he was little and it is his best friend. He sleeps with it at night, if we cuddle it has to cuddle with us. He makes it dance and sing to me, and kiss me. He wants me to always sit with it and talk with it. If I dont want to he says its a big part of him and it hurts him, and if I dont like the bear I can leave becuse thats not respecting him. I knew he had the bear when we were dateing but it just sat on his endstand. now that we are married it talks and drives me crazy.


#12

[quote="Sarah29ny, post:1, topic:203301"]
Hello Everyone,
I am new here and am so glad I found this sight! I would like some help on what to do about my husband. We went to Catholic school together, when we got married it was in church. However now he says that he only did it becuse he was forced to. His parents made him go to catholic school and to church. He also says he had to go to church with me becuse he knew i wanted to be married in the church. Now he says he was forced to enough and he wont go. I am worried becuse I hate to go alone, my family all goes and they always want to know where he is. Also when we have a child I want to batize it into the church, and I want to have a husband that goes with me and the child, I dont want to have to explaine why dad dosent have to go but you do. I stoped going for a while becuse he didnt want me to, he said it was more time I could spend with him. My sister got me to go back and i have been twice now and the feeling is awsome. I love church and miss it it feels like I am home when I am there. What do I do about my husband? I want him to come back with me, but he says I cant change him and he wont do anything he dosent want to. Thanks for listening and I hope you all have a good weekend.
Sarah

[/quote]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's such a tough situation to be in.

I think that if I were in your situation I would tell my husband that going to Mass every Sunday helps me to be a better wife to him (and while I wouldn't say this part my going to Mass would be absolutely non-negotiable) ... and then pray, pray, pray for him...


#13

Sarah, the things you have written here sound so bizarre that they sound made up. You only have 3 posts on here, so we don't know you. I'm not saying it isn't true. I'm saying it sounds too bizarre to be true. If the things you have written are true here is a summary from my perspective:

Your husband **lied **to you about his faith life and intent in that area to get you to marry him because he knew you would not marry him if he were not a church-going Catholic

Now that you are married, he acts like a 12 year old and lays around the house playing video games

He is psychologically abusing you by controlling you and criticizing you all the time, even going so far as to follow you around the house undoing your cleaning and "making' you do it over again

I would go talk to my priest about making a plan to leave and seek a decree of nullity. And I certainly would never have a child with this man.

He is nuts with a capital N.


#14

Hi Sarah,

It sounds like your husband managed to hide a lot from you while you were dating. Now, I think the following is is partly a guy thing. Once they get the girl/wife, they think the work is over and quit trying to impress them. It is a shock to a man at first when he realises he still has to court his wife for the rest of his life to keep her happy. Your husband, however takes it to the extreme.

As for his teddy bear. He is hurting and needs help. Believe it or not, his teddy bear was his only friend as a kid. He was probably not growing up in the best of circumstances and need to grab onto something for security. And this bear got him through. When he makes the bear talk to you, it is his way of sharing his heart with you. Rejecting his teddy bear hurts him.

Now, I do see you want a more mature way to communicate (and you deserve it). But until he chooses to deal with his childhood pain, he will not be able to function as an adult.

As for the priest who pretended to have a heart attack when he saw your husband. I see your husbands point of view. Perhaps taking your husbands side if he wants to politely tell the priest not to do that would be a good idea.

All that said and done, I do tend to agree with the postes who suggested an annulment. But again, I respect any decision you make

CM


#15

[quote="1ke, post:13, topic:203301"]
Your husband **lied **to you about his faith life and intent in that area to get you to marry him because he knew you would not marry him if he were not a church-going Catholic

Now that you are married, he acts like a 12 year old and lays around the house playing video games

He is psychologically abusing you by controlling you and criticizing you all the time, even going so far as to follow you around the house undoing your cleaning and "making' you do it over again

I would go talk to my priest about making a plan to leave and seek a decree of nullity. And I certainly would never have a child with this man.

He is nuts with a capital N.

[/quote]

[quote="cmscms, post:14, topic:203301"]
Hi Sarah,

It sounds like your husband managed to hide a lot from you while you were dating. Now, I think the following is is partly a guy thing. Once they get the girl/wife, they think the work is over and quit trying to impress them. It is a shock to a man at first when he realises he still has to court his wife for the rest of his life to keep her happy. Your husband, however takes it to the extreme.

As for his teddy bear. He is hurting and needs help. Believe it or not, his teddy bear was his only friend as a kid. He was probably not growing up in the best of circumstances and need to grab onto something for security. And this bear got him through. When he makes the bear talk to you, it is his way of sharing his heart with you. Rejecting his teddy bear hurts him.

Now, I do see you want a more mature way to communicate (and you deserve it). But until he chooses to deal with his childhood pain, he will not be able to function as an adult.

As for the priest who pretended to have a heart attack when he saw your husband. I see your husbands point of view. Perhaps taking your husbands side if he wants to politely tell the priest not to do that would be a good idea.

All that said and done, I do tend to agree with the postes who suggested an annulment. But again, I respect any decision you make

CM

[/quote]

I have to agree with the previous posters in regards to annulment. There are some things you can work on in a marriage and some you can't but when the foundation is based on deceit the rest of it tends to fall apart.

Think about it - when you sign a contract and you commit fraud by not disclosing information or outright lying about it the contract is "null and void." When you apply for a driver's license and you lie or omit information the license is canceled. (At least down here in Florida.)

You entered into marriage with this man understanding that he was part of the Catholic faith of his own volition... if he wasn't truthful about that then there's a big problem. Annulments are meant for very limited purposes but the situation you've described is a perfect candidate. I also believe you should seriously think things through before you choose to have children with this man.

Good luck, and may God bless you.


#16

[quote="1ke, post:13, topic:203301"]
Sarah, the things you have written here sound so bizarre that they sound made up. You only have 3 posts on here, so we don't know you. I'm not saying it isn't true. I'm saying it sounds too bizarre to be true. If the things you have written are true here is a summary from my perspective:

Your husband **lied **to you about his faith life and intent in that area to get you to marry him because he knew you would not marry him if he were not a church-going Catholic

Now that you are married, he acts like a 12 year old and lays around the house playing video games

He is psychologically abusing you by controlling you and criticizing you all the time, even going so far as to follow you around the house undoing your cleaning and "making' you do it over again

I would go talk to my priest about making a plan to leave and seek a decree of nullity. And I certainly would never have a child with this man.

They are not made up I promise you! I havent posted much on this sight becuse I just found it, I was looking for someone to talk to other then family and friends. i cant tell my family they would hate him. We shared the same friends in highschool and college so I dont want them to hate him, or think im makeing things up. I try to keep things to myself but sometimes I just feel like im going to burst! its nice to let the pain out some times. I have talked to my priest and he told me dont wait for my husband to go to church, he told me just to go even if it is by myself. He also told me he could work on a anulment for me, however I really dont want to get divorced when I married him I said threw good and bad times, forever and always! But I cant live like this forever. Im sorry to come here and complain I was just looking for someone to talk with. Thank you for listenin to me thank you so much.

He is nuts with a capital N.

[/quote]


#17

[quote="Sarah29ny, post:11, topic:203301"]
He told me hes never going to do the things I want so I just better deal with it. (He demands the right to control you)
He did go to the movies with me this weekend, but we planed to go to the early one and he stayed in bed to long so we had to go to the late show. (He demands the right to foul up agreed on plans and exert his control over you)
He tells me I nagg him to much and to just let him be. (Your needs are irrelevant. He refuses to negotiate. He must maintain control)
He screams at me so hard when I do things wrong.(How dare you allow something to not be under his control and according to his needs, wants, and whims? He is furious at anything not under his control)
I dropped his psp this weekend becuse I was moving it to clean and he tried to grab it out of my hands (How dare you touch or control any of his stuff, even just to move it to clean around it!)
I didnt think I was ever going to live that down (Of course not, his control over everything around him must be absolute and guaranteed). **
One time I forgot to turn off a light he followed me around for months saying did you turn off the light. **(He must maintain control over the lights.... and you.... and don't you ever ever forget that)

If I dont clean as well as he likes he scuffs his feet on our hard wood floors and says nope not clean enough (He must undermine what you do in order to maintain his control over you), **
I am a therapy aide and dont make alot of money, so he thinks he is the ruler becuse he makes more then I do and makes every desision. *(Of course. He has to maintain his control. He must of course have control over every decision and it must meet his needs and his whims, not yours) *
Im going back to school becuse of this, he tells me when I got my degree the first time I should have looked to see what job makes the most money. **(It doesn't matter what your interests and needs are with a job and your plans about having children and meeting their needs, HIS needs are that you make the most money to serve HIS needs, and HIS needs must always come before anyone else's, including any possible children..... especially any possible children)

I just dont know what to do with myself these days. I love him dont want to ever get divorced, but im sooooo fustrated I almost walked yesterday, I dont know what to do.

[/quote]

Your husband wasn't just forced to eat his vegetables by well meaning overzealous parents who otherwise practiced, demonstrated, and taught functional healthy loving egalitarian partnership relationship.
Your husband was overwhelmingly controlled as a child such that all he knows of relationship is control and obedience, not mutuality, negotiation, and partnership at all.
Your husband has a huge control problem.


#18

If mutuality, negotiation, and partnership are not modeled for children growing up in their household of origin.....
if all a person knows of "loving relationship" was defined by his family of origin as "having control over another," rather than sharing a partnership and practicing respectful mutuality with another.......
if a person defines and understands "love" as "control"....
being in a "loving relationship" becomes limited to 2 clearly defined roles: either one is *controlled by the other or one is *controlling the other *......
and that's ALL that is understood as to what constitutes loving relationship.... that one controlls the other.

So guess what happens just as soon as that person leaves home and marries?
That person is not going to sign up to be "the controlled one" (the controlled child) ever again....
not ever
not ever
not ever in any way!

That person, with no partnership and mutuality and negotiation skills learned from his family of origin, is going to do everything possible to establish himself as the CONTROLLER.
The house will never be clean enough.
Your friends will never be good enough
Your every waking breathing minute must serve his whims and his needs
Why?
Because he must be the CONTROLLER
Why?
Because if he is not the CONTROLLER, the only other thing he knows of life and relationship is being controlled and just like Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With the Wind] swearing with God as her witness that she would never go hungry again....
he likewise swore that he would never be controlled again..... because he's a man now.... no longer a child.

Of course you hate his teddy bear. Of course he loves his teddy bear..... his teddy bear is your demonstration lesson that love is CONTROL. Of course he makes his teddy bear jump through hoops and dance at his whim and obey his whim....(isn't this just great? don't you just love puppetry? wouldn't you just love to sign up to be his comforting teddy bear puppet for a lifetime?) that's his definition of "LOVE" and that's what expects from someone who "LOVES" him.....
Because someone who "loves" him must allow him to control her.

Of course he hates the priest.....
the priest cannot be controlled....
and likely would undermine his own control!

He will exhibit contempt for you also....
any time you defy his control and disobey his whims.
Try it and see.

You have got an extremely serious situation on your hands and you need serious counseling.... now.... do not wait. This situation is not going to improve on its own, and might very well degrade into being extremely dangerous for you and any future children.
Most abused wives started out just this same way..... with a husband who only knew and defined "love" and "relationship" as CONTROL rather than PARTNERSHIP.....
and his desperate need to establish and continually maintain his CONTROL over everyone close to him turned into verbal abuse, then physical abuse of wife and children.

If your priest did not spot this huge problem before marriage, you need to explain to your priest what has been going on, and/or find other more competent counseling if he doesn't see this as a serious problem. It is an extremely serious problem, with the potential to grow far more serious than you might now imagine.*


#19

Sarah, you made your promise honestly. He lied and manipulated you into that promise. If you had this information up front you would not have entered marriage. He has mental problems. He is abusive. He is not going to change.

I would suggest you not let pride stand in your way of seeking a decree of nullity.

If you are granted a decree it means there was no valid marriage. It means he was not capable of entering into a valid covenant with you. And, you will be free to find someone who is.

If by some bizarre circumstance the Church finds the marriage to be valid then you would not be able to remarry. BUT, you would be out of a harmful, abusive situation. The Church does not require you to stay in an abusive situation.

I don't think you lose either way.

Frankly, his behavior is frightening. Certainly you know it is far outside the bounds of normal. Get some counseling for yourself too, to help you figure out how you missed so many red flags. Was it that he courted you and flattered you and "swept you off your feet"? Was it that you didn't date long enough to really get to know him? Was it that he is a master manipulator and liar? Was it that you didn't want to see the signs for reasons of your own? Let a counselor help you figure out why you picked this man who is so terribly disturbed.


#20

[quote="Sarah29ny, post:11, topic:203301"]
very true thanks guys, I asked him to go to a diffrent church becuse he says our priest offended him. We had not gone from the time we got married, and when we walked in our priest pretended to have a heart attack, then said just jokeing im so glad your back havent seen you in a while. Now he hates our priest for this, and thats said becuse he is sweet. We have more problems to, we did lots of stuff when we were dateing now he stays in bed all weekend long, and on the week days he comes home gets the dinner i have made and goes straight to bed with it. Then after dinner he is on his comp or playing video games in bed.
I ask him to eat at the table with me, then go for a walk. He says no he dosent like to do thoughs things. He tells me its ok becuse he dose do things for me, on the weekends he gets up about 6:00 and showers then we go to dinner and target. I told him I want more out of my weekends and week days, just go to church with me go for a walk, lets go golfing. He told me hes never going to do the things I want so I just better deal with it. He did go to the movies with me this weekend, but we planed to go to the early one and he stayed in bed to long so we had to go to the late show. He tells me I nagg him to much and to just let him be. He screams at me so hard when I do things wrong. I dropped his psp this weekend becuse I was moving it to clean and he tried to grab it out of my hands,I didnt think I was ever going to live that down. One time I forgot to turn off a light he followed me around for months saying did you turn off the light. If I dont clean as well as he likes he scuffs his feet on our hard wood floors and says nope not clean enough, I am a therapy aide and dont make alot of money, so he thinks he is the ruler becuse he makes more then I do and makes every desision. Im going back to school becuse of this, he tells me when I got my degree the first time I should have looked to see what job makes the most money. I just dont know what to do with myself these days. I love him dont want to ever get divorced, but im sooooo fustrated I almost walked yesterday, I dont knwo what to do. Cant tell my family they would hate him and drive me crazy to leave him. Im sorry I shouldnt have posted all of this on here im sure of it but I just dont know what to do. Oh and I forgot one thing he has a teddy bear from when he was little and it is his best friend. He sleeps with it at night, if we cuddle it has to cuddle with us. He makes it dance and sing to me, and kiss me. He wants me to always sit with it and talk with it. If I dont want to he says its a big part of him and it hurts him, and if I dont like the bear I can leave becuse thats not respecting him. I knew he had the bear when we were dateing but it just sat on his endstand. now that we are married it talks and drives me crazy.

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I don't wish to sound uncharitable, but either you're stretching the truth a bit or he needs some help. Originally, I figured that the two of you were very young (18 to early twenties) and probably hadn't fully matured. Then you say that he is 30 and you're 29. So, now I have to wonder what a 30 year old man is doing playing with (and attempting to force his wife to play with) a stuffed animal?! This doesn't concern me half as much as the control situation you described. My dear, if you are not exaggerating the situation, I would suggest that you update your family on what's going on (at the very least) or insist that both of you attend counseling. He is mentally abusing you and you are covering for him and hiding the situation from those that love you. This is completely unhealthy and needs to stop! I promise you that if this situation goes unchecked things will only go from bad to worse. Your husband’s role in the family is to protect, provide, love, and be the spiritual leader; just as Christ is the spiritual head of the Church (His bride). If he's not doing these things and instead is constantly tearing you down, trying to get you to personify a stuffed child's toy, and trying to get you to give up God's Church so that you can stay at home and watch him sleep and play video games, you need to set some boundaries; or better yet, take 1ke's advice.


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