I figured I would just do my own thread on this instead of continuing to take over two others. I posted originally about the scenario in these threads since they related to this situation:
But to sum up the situation:
My husband’s cousin, who considers herself a practicing Catholic, is engaged to a Muslim man. At Thanksgiving this year, they told us a bit more about their wedding plans - namely, that they are intending on having two ceremonies: a Muslim wedding in a mosque with her, her fiance, and her father being the only people present (I don’t know if this is customary or not), and then, several months later, a Catholic wedding that families would be invited to, although this would not be taking place in church. When I asked where the Catholic wedding would be, the bride explained to me that they were just going to have it at their planned reception hall because they didn’t want to make the groom’s family “uncomfortable.”
They stated that they have spoken to priests about their situation and that although the necessary dispensations have not been granted yet, that this was an appropriate way to handle the situation so they could be validly married according to both traditions. I have been on the fence about them marrying since hearing of their engagement, even though I really like the groom, because it’s really not going to work for both of them to continue practicing their religion, especially once children come along. But I figured it was not my place to say anything and it looked like they were “doing it right” so at least they would be validly married.
At Thanksgiving dinner, they asked us if our son would be the ringbearer (for the Catholic ceremony) and we agreed (my husband enthusiastically, me reluctantly but it was at the table with a lot of guests present…blergh). But after reading the two linked threads, I learned that the way they are going about things is actually not going to have them be validly married at all (the canons are cited there). So now I’m at a loss for what to do. My husband is nervous too, but he also doesn’t want to create family drama. I think at the minimum we need to say that our son can’t assist, in whatever small and cute way, at an invalid wedding. But I don’t know a tactful way of doing so (and even if we manage to do it tactfully I know that’s no guarantee of avoiding drama).
Thoughts or suggestions on what to do? I am thinking I will make an appointment with my priest to discuss it with him, but this is a busy time of year so it may be a while before I can see him.