Hi! I am in serious need of advice. A few weeks ago, a female friend of my husband (who he used to have a relationship with) posted on Facebook that she might need a place to stay for a bit while her husband undergoes AF training out of state. At the time, I thought they were planning for a short-term future event (as any rational person would do, several months ahead, as this involves international travel), and extended the offer of a stay at our place. Since then, it has been revealed that this was for the immediate future (she’s coming tomorrow!) and the stay will last for 6 months.
Our marriage is really strong, so I am not concerned that he will stray with her (although she has never hidden the fact that she is sexually interested in him to this day despite her being married).
My medical history makes it very likely that this will be my only child, and I feel blessed that we were even able to conceive this time. Am I just being horribly selfish by wanting my husband to myself for the first few months of our child’s life? I have a lot of guilt about not wanting her here. She’s kind of a lump, never works, doesn’t clean up after herself, and is incredibly awkwardly silent 90% of the time, etc. I don’t like that I’ve had to expend a ton of energy cleaning the house and moving furniture for her (oh, she also failed to mention until this week she has NO furniture and is bringing her cat, which is NOT declawed). It’s been a rough pregnancy: at 7 months, I’ve only put on 5 pounds total, and still get sick on an almost daily basis.
We’re about to move into our new farmhouse, and it is so far from the city (and she doesn’t have a car) that I know she won’t leave for the delivery or ever really. This is exacerbated by the fact that both my husband and I work from home. It takes a lot of love to deal with the same person 24/7 in close quarters, but we have done it well for a long time now, and our marriage is thriving. I am not sure how adding her to the mix will change things.
I am concerned because I am seven months pregnant, and I don’t want her (or anyone, if I’m being honest) here for either A). my planned home delivery of my first (and possibly only) child or B). the first three months of my child’s life, which is when a lot of important familial bonding takes place. I also don’t like the possibility of cat damage to my new house.
I tend to be over-kind to others, especially those I share space with. Despite being pregnant and sick, I still (despite his protests) wait on my husband hand and foot (happily, mind you), and will feel compelled to cook and clean and care for this other woman as well, which will be both physically and emotionally draining. Add her total disrespect for our faith and lifestyle in the mixture, and it’s a pretty bleak picture.
All “planning” was done over facebook, in single sentences, with almost no details at any point, which has been frustrating, to say the least. After the intial offer, I didn’t feel like I could retract the offer. How would you handle this situation? My husband wants to see how it goes, but I want to tell her when she gets here that she needs to find a place of her own BEFORE the baby comes. Her family is here, even if they won’t let her have the cat. She has plenty of friends, and they get a military stipend for her rent during this time. Plenty of places offer short-term or month to month leases.
Am I wrong? Should I open my house to her and just deal with the negative feelings I’m having? I’ve prayed and prayed, but how I feel doesn’t seem to be changing, and I don’t know what to do.