Husband's friend's divorcing


#1

Thursday a group of friends got together and i went too. my husband said his friend was sad and depressed but i realized the friend (Brian) wants to be single as much as his wife does. she is the one initiating the divorce. my husband wants to be there for his friend. unlike my friends we can talk on the phone or go to someones house. the husbands, however, go to a bar or worse :mad: some wives have already told their husbands they cannot go out with Brian any more because he hasn't grown out of his early twenties evidently. my husband and i had a lot of problems because of him and the influence of his friends. the first 4 out of 5 years was filled with fights. i don't want to be insensitive but i want my marriage happy and healthy more than i want my husband cheering up his buddy. is it too crazy and controlling of me to tell my husband he can't hang out with brian anymore? i am almost 100% certain my husband will lie to me about where they were and what they were doing. we have enough problems of our own...:( WWYD?


#2

[quote="merne9, post:1, topic:247559"]
i am almost 100% certain my husband will lie to me about where they were and what they were doing. we have enough problems of our own...:( WWYD?

[/quote]

This is your real problem. Your troubles aren't with Brian, his divorce, or the fact that your husband wants to be there for his friend.

Before you start dictating to your husband the terms and conditions of his social life, do whatever you need to do - alone and as a couple - to get your marriage to the point where your husband can tell you he's heading out to watch the game with his buddies and you're 1,000% certain he is where he told you he would be, doing what he said he would be doing, and he'll be home when he said he would be home. Counseling, therapy, pastoral assistance are all called for at this point in your marriage.

Good luck.


#3

completely agree we did all those and the last year has been a real turn around. it takes time to rebuild trust. but he has been great for 1 year- it's a start


#4

I think Retrovaille (sp? anyone) is in order here.


#5

[quote="merne9, post:1, topic:247559"]
Thursday a group of friends got together and i went too. my husband said his friend was sad and depressed but i realized the friend (Brian) wants to be single as much as his wife does. she is the one initiating the divorce. my husband wants to be there for his friend. unlike my friends we can talk on the phone or go to someones house. the husbands, however, go to a bar or worse :mad: some wives have already told their husbands they cannot go out with Brian any more because he hasn't grown out of his early twenties evidently. my husband and i had a lot of problems because of him and the influence of his friends. the first 4 out of 5 years was filled with fights. i don't want to be insensitive but i want my marriage happy and healthy more than i want my husband cheering up his buddy. is it too crazy and controlling of me to tell my husband he can't hang out with brian anymore? i am almost 100% certain my husband will lie to me about where they were and what they were doing. we have enough problems of our own...:( WWYD?

[/quote]

Invite Brian to spend time with your husband - at your HOME.
Whenever they want, as often as they want, etc., etc..
Feed them good food. Give them some privacy.

You can't "order" your husband to give up a friendship.
Could your husband order you to give up a friendship?


#6

[quote="catharina, post:5, topic:247559"]
Invite Brian to spend time with your husband - at your HOME.
Whenever they want, as often as they want, etc., etc..
Feed them good food. Give them some privacy.

You can't "order" your husband to give up a friendship.
Could your husband order you to give up a friendship?

[/quote]

This is great advice!! :thumbsup:


#7

[quote="catharina, post:5, topic:247559"]
Invite Brian to spend time with your husband - at your HOME.
Whenever they want, as often as they want, etc., etc..
Feed them good food. Give them some privacy.

You can't "order" your husband to give up a friendship.
Could your husband order you to give up a friendship?

[/quote]

Good advice.

I get it that you don't want your husband to go out to a bar with the soon-to-be single Brian. He's not a child and you're not his mother, so you shouldn't have to tell him what to do and not do. Have you asked him to find another way to spend time with Brian that would both respect your needs and allow him to be supportive to Brian?

My experience with these situations is that the newly-divorced person finds a new group of friends with similar circumstances to their own.


closed #8

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