Husbands-- need some honest opinions about weight gain


#1

How big of a deal is it to most men (who are fit themselves) when the wife gains weight? What if your wife was a size 6 when you dated, but after having a few kids is now more like a 12/14? Would that disgust a skinny man who doesn't have a weight problem? In your opinion does this strain the relationship? I've heard Dr. Laura say that when a woman gains a lot of weight, she is breaking her end of the marriage deal. Do you agree or disagree? Also, how much does weight gain hurt physical attraction? Just want some honest opinions (I know there are no definite answers to these questions)...


#2

It depends on the man. I know a lot of men that didnt like it but never left their wife and other men that didnt care at all and love her just the same. However, this is not a scientific measurement just my experience with family and friends. In dating, weight gain can be a deal breaker for many men though. In marriage, it depends on the man. Some will be upset while others wont. It depends on the man. If it bothers you, talk to him about it or take the initiative and lose weight.


#3

[quote="lovemyboys, post:1, topic:189061"]
How big of a deal is it to most men (who are fit themselves) when the wife gains weight? What if your wife was a size 6 when you dated, but after having a few kids is now more like a 12/14? Would that disgust a skinny man who doesn't have a weight problem? In your opinion does this strain the relationship? I've heard Dr. Laura say that when a woman gains a lot of weight, she is breaking her end of the marriage deal. Do you agree or disagree?

[/quote]

I hope you were ready to get some very angry responses about where Dr. Laura can stick her opinions. As a wife and mother, who is going through multiple pregnancies and breastfeeding each child for at least a year, I consider it extremely insulting when some so-called 'expert' would actually say such things that are so hurtful, especially since my own husband is totally supportive to me. I started as a size 6, and am now a size 14 (I am also 5'9", quite tall), so there will never be anything 'petite' or 'tiny' about me, ever again (not that there ever was). Even if I were to lose a lot of weight, I would never look like my pre-pregnancy self. That being said, I am very healthy and active. So Dr. Laura can keep her opinions to herself. Don't listen to the celebrity talkers who make their living off of shock TV/radio and thrive on the drama and destruction they cause by slinging hurtful accusations against people they haven't ever even met.


#4

It’s not really that easy for a woman to lose weight, especially if the cause of weight gain is pregnancies/breastfeeding or menopause. And saying ‘take the intitiative’ implies prior laziness, which may be completely inaccurate. I hate these types of discussions, especially among Christians, because how a woman could be violating marriage vows through weight gain is impossible for me to fathom. I get so incredibly angry about this topic, I really should just ignore these posts altogether, but I am so tired of women’s value being tied to their perceived skinniness. We have enough women with eating disorders and psychological problems as it is. People here at CAF should remind the OP that Christian marriage calls us to a higher standard of treating our spouse and of behavior, and that if some husbands have a problem with weight gain, then they need to examine their own attitudes and how they treat their wife. Perhaps they should lift up their wives, instead of tearing them down?


#5

It would only bother me if my wife/girlfriend got sickeningly overweight and didn’t do anything about it. I’m talking “X” (X meaning her weight when I met her) to “X times 5”

A size 6 to a 12/14 is totally, totally normal. Any man who would talk to his wife about this and claim she’s getting to fat is a jerk, pure and simple.

I know you said husbands only, and I’m single, but It’s something I feel strongly about. Women have way, way too much pressure on them to look a certian way.


#6

My dh never criticizes me about ANYTHING, but I was wondering about what men really think deep down.


#7

a man who would be disgusted because his wife is of normal weight, that of half the women in this country, is severely in need of counselling. A man who would be disgusted if his wife gained a little weight or a lot of weight needs to read 1 Corninthians 13 on the real nature of love, because he has not a clue, and does not even deserve a wife. I am sure Dr. Laura would also agree with me on the method of attitude adjustment required, either a baseball bat or a hockey stick.

the marriage vows are for better or worse, in sickenss and in health, for richer or poorer, there is nothing there about promising to maintain a certain weight.


#8

You’re a very nice person to have this attitude. My dh doesn’t criticize, but he does seem to react positively when I lose a few pounds.


#9

I’m not personally bothered all that much, I guess I’ve mostly dated bigger girls anyway though. For those of you who’ve given up on weight loss, I will say it most certainly is possible to get back into great shape (excludes extreme cases like debilitating injuries). I would recommend this only as a personal choice kind of thing, I know my finace feels better when she’s thinner anyway.

I would highly recommend anyone (male/female) look at the Team Beach Body products, in particularly I have personal experience with P90X and 10 minute trainers. I can tell you right now that if you have the time (this is the big problem, for me right now :frowning: ) Correctly using these programs will in fact put you into the best shape you’ve ever been in in your life.

So if it is your personal inclination, to go ahead and try for that “pre-pregancy body”, then I recommend you google those up and get to work if you have the time. Otherwise, if your husband doesn’t love you anymore, then there is most definetly something very wrong with the man.


#10

I’ve heard Dr. Laura say that when a woman gains a lot of weight, she is breaking her end of the marriage deal. Do you agree or disagree?

This garbage betrays a fundamental philosophy of marriage that is gravely disordered. Marriage is not just a contract, it is a sacrament intended to provide for reproduction and to help get the couple to Heaven. Christian husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. What did Christ do for his Church? Exactly. Does that involve a husband accusing his wife of breaking the marriage “deal” if she gains a few pounds or even becomes grossly obese? Hmmmm, let me think. No.

Additionally, “Doctor” Laura’s statement assumes that the man is in the marriage for sex; but in the worst kind of way - sex with a “hot” woman that he can show off as a trophy. It assumes that the man is in the marriage for his own selfish bodily desires. I’m stupified that more people don’t see this statement as inherently misogynistic.

That being said.

If a woman is obese, then her health is at risk. On that basis, I say that a Christian husband would find loving, life-affirming ways to help his wife lose weight - because his duty and his priviledge is to honor and support her. The issue of sex and weight loss would never be connected in the same the conversationm, unless there was something really severe about the weight that physically impeded the act.

By the way, I practice what I preach. I’ve been married for 7 years now, and when we first dated my wife was a real “hottie” in a little black dress - but two babies later she’s significantly overweight. For her health and self image, I’d like her to slim down. However, the sex is better than ever.:eek:


#11

As most women age, they will gain some weight. There is a big difference between someone putting on 10 lbs and someone who lets themselves go.

It is important to love our spouses by keeping ourselves in the best physical condition we can. A mom with 4 littles who is streching every penny may not be able to make it to the gym, but, she can eat healthy, eat LESS and exercise around the house.

For healthy adults, eating WELL, eating less and moderate exercise will drop the weight off.

DH lost 60 lbs in the past year by eating less, I lost 15 lbs the same way.

Small portions, cut down white food and processed food, eat fresh or frozen fruit and veg, cut out soda and processed drinks - stay in good shape. You will feel better, have more energy, care for the body God gave you.


#12

It’s true that it is possible to be in great shape after kids. Once I saw a mother of NINE on Oprah who was downright buff. I work on it quite a bit, but I think I’m more FLUFF than buff LOL…

I just want to know what men really think (especially about how fat is TOO fat). I just want to be attractive to my husband-- but he is so nice, he would never tell me that I was too big (even if I were). I could weigh 400 lbs. and he’d treat me the same. If there are men who are scared to post their true opinions for fear of being flamed, feel free to pm me. I’d just like honest husband opinions.


#13

[quote="kage_ar, post:11, topic:189061"]
As most women age, they will gain some weight. There is a big difference between someone putting on 10 lbs and someone who lets themselves go.

It is important to love our spouses by keeping ourselves in the best physical condition we can. A mom with 4 littles who is streching every penny may not be able to make it to the gym, but, she can eat healthy, eat LESS and exercise around the house.

For healthy adults, eating WELL, eating less and moderate exercise will drop the weight off.

DH lost 60 lbs in the past year by eating less, I lost 15 lbs the same way.

Small portions, cut down white food and processed food, eat fresh or frozen fruit and veg, cut out soda and processed drinks - stay in good shape. You will feel better, have more energy, care for the body God gave you.

[/quote]

Good advice.


#14

I just want to know what men really think (especially about how fat is TOO fat). I just want to be attractive to my husband-- but he is so nice, he would never tell me that I was too big (even if I were). I could weigh 400 lbs. and he'd treat me the same. If there are men who are scared to post their true opinions for fear of being flames, feel free to pm me. I'd just like honest husband opinions.

Honestly?

I'll add to what I said above.

A good husband will love and support you, and enjoy being intimate with you, no matter what your weight. You sound like you have a good husband.

It is true that most husbands will enjoy their wives having a healthier body. No need to lie about that.

However, such issues really are secondary.


#15

According to DH, men are visual creatures. While he loved me just as much when I was heavier, he finds me more attractive when I am at a lower weight.


#16

According to DH, men are visual creatures.

This is true, but doesn't change what I said. :)


#17

[quote="ContegoFides, post:10, topic:189061"]
This garbage betrays a fundamental philosophy of marriage that is gravely disordered. Marriage is not just a contract, it is a sacrament intended to provide for reproduction and to help get the couple to Heaven. Christian husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. What did Christ do for his Church? Exactly. Does that involve a husband accusing his wife of breaking the marriage "deal" if she gains a few pounds or even becomes grossly obese? Hmmmm, let me think. No.

Additionally, "Doctor" Laura's statement assumes that the man is in the marriage for sex; but in the worst kind of way - sex with a "hot" woman that he can show off as a trophy. It assumes that the man is in the marriage for his own selfish bodily desires. I'm stupified that more people don't see this statement as inherently misogynistic.

That being said.

If a woman is obese, then her health is at risk. On that basis, I say that a Christian husband would find loving, life-affirming ways to help his wife lose weight - because his duty and his priviledge is to honor and support her. The issue of sex and weight loss would never be connected in the same the conversationm, unless there was something really severe about the weight that physically impeded the act.

By the way, I practice what I preach. I've been married for 7 years now, and when we first dated my wife was a real "hottie" in a little black dress - but two babies later she's significantly overweight. For her health and self image, I'd like her to slim down. However, the sex is better than ever.:eek:

[/quote]

Dr. Laura isn't Christian so I know to take her with a grain of salt. I shouldn't have mentioned that Dr. Laura quote!!!! That's getting people angry... Sorry!!!!! One thing-- I think Dr. Laura would also say that a husband who lets himself go is hurting the marriage covenant as well.


#18

Then please ask him, and don’t take anything anyone here at CAF says as indicative of your husband’s true feelings.


#19

Am I not allowed to ask questions to get a general sense of what Catholic husbands think? I think I’m smart enough to know that the various opinions I might get are not exactly what my husband thinks. My husband, like I said, would not say anything negative to me even if I were morbidly obese.


#20

[quote="Randi, post:18, topic:189061"]
Then please ask him, and don't take anything anyone here at CAF says as indicative of your husband's true feelings.

[/quote]

A Christian husband would likely not say anything that would hurt his wife's feelings.

My gut says you want to get into better shape, so, just do it! Start today.


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