Does anyone know the hsbands role in nfp? Should he jsut help his wife with charting, or can he be more intimately involved, ie help his wife with her fertility signs (mucus, ect)?
The husbands role should have been discussed during the class…unless you just picked up a book and didn’t go to a class.
My wife and I practice NFP. For the most part, I chart, period. The other stuff my wife takes note of throughout the day as she is doing what humans naturally do throughout the day. If, while during the martial act, the husband notices some signs, he can make note of them to his wife, but I’m betting she already knows!
The bottom lineis how comfortable the couple is in having the husband check for mucus and the other signs. I think that is better done by the wife while she is going about her day.
Charting her temps is a very big deal! It makes you aware of where she is in her cycle. That is important so you know when you have to be abstinent too!
There was a great article about abstinence in the CCL magazine this month.
The husband’s role is to be supportive, help with charting, and help with rule interpretation so both can make a prayful and informed decision on what is best for any particular time.
Husband should not necessarily check mucus signs since the wife will have a particular intrepretation and can check throughout the day very easily. It would be better for one person to mark mucus signs to be consistent with the observations.
However tempeatures are easy for the husband to help with. Being sure temperatures are taken, temperature marked on the chart, etc. SInce we take temperatures when I wake up for work (well it’s been years), it’s easy for me to do.
I am a hubby, and my wife and I have successfully used the Billings Mucus Method for 22 years.
I am the one who actually takes the nightly vaginal mucus sample. (Sorry to get “technical,” administrators, but, come on, this is good for folks to read!) I then hold it up to the light so that we both can see the check for that “stringiness” which indicates the presence of gonadotropic hormone-generated sperm channels in the mucus. Each of us has veto power. If one or the other says “no,” sex begins to become impossible until we see the fourth consecutive night of non-stringy mucus.
This rule which governs our veto power worked fine, and led to an extremely active, wonderful sex life, regulated by God’s laws.
In my view, my participation and exercise of veto power were absolutely essential.
(a) The structure of human sexuality portrayed in American humor – e.g., that Woody Allen movie where he says, “I can’t get enough! She won’t make herself available more than once every 3 days!” and she says, “He’s a sex maniac! He wants it more than once every 3 days!” – is more true than not: Husbands are “pursuers,” wives are “pursuees.” Psychologically, the “pursuee” needs to see the “pursuer’s” participation and cooperation.
(b) If the wife exercises judgment alone, there will come a time when hormones will make her “goofy” and she’ll exercise bad judgment. There were times when those little Billings “stringees” were long enough to wrap around the house 3 times, and she STILL would have regarded them as “infertile”! So, husbands, GET IN THERE AND EXERCISE THAT JUDGMENT AND VETO POWER! SHE NEEDS YOU!
Neophytes, beware: This thread does not tell you enough about the Billings Method for you to use it successfully. I held back a little bit, to avoid getting deleted by site admninistrators.
I get very frustrated when NFP informatics push the husband’s role in NFP vs the husband’s role in contraception. Regardless of what you choose to do (obviously as a Catholic, we don’t contracept), the role of fertility management is always, WILL always be on the woman. We are the ones with specific and changes fertility. Men are constant from the time of puberty and baring any life-altering circumstances, illness, or diets, they don’t change in the same respect that women do. Communication can improve between the couple in respect to when sex is mutually agreed upon, but fertility tracking is the woman’s job. Only she can interpret the signs and track them. We can force a man’s involvement in nfp the same way we can force him to hand his wife BCP or go get them from the store, or to purchase his own condoms, so on and so forth. NFP charting is the woman’s responsibility and if the man wants to help in some indirect way he can; but this does not set up NFP to be some way that a man participates more in the process than he would discussing whether or not they wanted a child with any other form birth control. I’m sorry guys, we can push this without misleading people or not providing the whole truth.
Lol. I agree with you! Anyway, my husband would die a thousand deaths rather than talk about my mucus.
We’ve done nfp from day one of marriage. (I’m in the unpredictable menopausal stage now). I have on principle always been honest and generous with that part of marriage even though I’d have been quite happy with much less sex…and I think that is the key to a womans role in charting. I really think it would have been much harder if my husband was examining my chart and determining the green light days. There is an element of womens intuition in these determinations and I think the mans opinion would interfere with that aspect.
I would say to abstain if you both agree to do so.
Honestly, I think they just try to sell it on the idea that it’s not exclusively the woman’s responsibility. Most people don’t paperchart anymore and if you’re using STM, there are now thermometers that sync with your app. There’s currently a device called Tempdrop in development which you stick onto yourself and sleep with. It records your temperatures throughout the night and pinpoints your BBT even more accurately than you can and then syncs it with their database. It’s compatible with many apps.
If you want to think of NFP as both your responsibilities, it’s really the abstinence. Without it being mutual, it easily turns into a power struggle that builds resentment.