I almost had an affair


#1

I have been on these forums before and would really like your opinion. I have been talking to a man on the internet for about a year now. We met in a Protestant Chat room. We are both married and almost met, until I chickened out. I kept thinking that we were just meant for eachother. I don’t know why I didn’t follow through with it, but I am glad I didn’t do it, for many reasons. I can’t hardly believe that I would fall for someone via internet! It is unfathomable. Am I an idiot, or has this happened to you or anyone you know?


#2

first of all, be very grateful that the Grace of a loving God kicked in and you did not meet this man. You may have had an affair OR you may have ended up dead.

I cannot speak for anyone but myself but I have been tempted before to behave in an inappropriate manner. I was lonely, I was judging my worth by what the world told me was worthwhile and coming up short and I had distanced myself from Jesus Christ and His holy mother.

Because I am a Catholic I was able to partake in the Sacrament of Reconcilliation and then continue with the help of a Spiritual Director to get back on track and walk towards heaven.

What are YOU doing to make yourself whole again?


#3

It’s much more common than you’d think, and commonly ends in disaster one way or another. As the previous poster said, give thanks that God watched over you and pricked your conscience and you didn’t either have an affair or, sadly, wind up in a dangerous situation.


#4

The only one you are “meant for” is your spouse !!!

You really need to discontinue all contact with this internet interloper and vice versa. Jesus tells us we " break our marriage vows at own peril."

And yes it was really really stupid to let such a thing get to the point of setting up a meeting. IF you both were single then maybe and even then internet encounters can be quite dangerous or even fatal. For either party to be married is insane and inexcusably reckless.


#5

I highly recommend you get a copy of the book His Needs, Her Needs and work with your spouse on getting your needs met within your marriage.


#6

Also, if you haven’t already done so, delete your account on this chat site, block your email, discontinue ALL communication with this man.

And, go to Confession.


#7

So glad you did not do it. The damage that could have been done to so many persons involved is really sobering. I commend you for not going ahead, and pray you take the advice you have been given here and get back on track.
Its hard to make an effort in a marriage, but pray for guidance in the struggles you are having in yours and keep Jesus Christ in your heart and mind and you will find it easier. Imagine he is sitting next to you at every moment watching you. If you can do that, then you would not do anything you would not want him to see, right? But, the funny thing about this is he is along side you all day at every moment and he does know what you are doing.

Remember that.

I hope it all works out and you end up a stronger Christian for it.


#8

afraidone,

I’m not sure if you were asking us for our opinion about what happened or our opinion about what should happen.

We CAN’T give you opinions about what should happen now, because they aren’t “opinions”. :slight_smile: There is only one thing that SHOULD happen now and that is to discontinue ALL contact with this person, as the other posters have pointed out.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, you don’t have any excuse anymore for continuing the relationship. Your conscience has spoken up, and your friends, the members of the Body of Christ, have encouraged you to do the right thing. Only one option is left open to you. . . and if you choose (yep, choose!) to continue with the relationship you cannot claim a defense of invincible ignorance (as to its wrongness or the danger it poses) or a defense of lack of freedom of will (because you exerted your will when your conscience convicted you).

If this man is a Christian, and a real man, he would not only understand, but would desire the same thing. Its quite clear that if either of you care about the other’s well-being as a person then you will break off all contact.

So no, you are not an idiot! :thumbsup:
But, it depends on what you do next. :yup:

May God bless you and strengthen you!
Don’t be afraid!
VC


#9

Do you know he is really who and what he says he is? Not that you should entertain any thought of any kind of relationship with him. I do know a 50ish man who met someone on the internet (on a Christian website) and married her four months later. He is miserable. You are absolutely courting disaster if you continue with this fantasy, and that’s what it is, a fantasy. Give your all to making your own marriage better and pray for the strength to end this before many innocent people get hurt. I will pray for you.


#10

I take a very conservative view on this. I don’t think it’s right for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex when they are married. It’s one thing for a couple to be friends with another couple, but I would never call the husband to talk or make plans to go out with him. I think this is just begging for trouble. This goes for the Internet, too. I’m glad you didn’t meet this man, and I agree, thank God that you didn’t. I personally don’t think either of you are showing respect for your own marriages, or eachothers’. I would tell him that after prayer and seeking advice, you have decided that the best thing would be for each of you to concentrate of your own marriages and fix whatever problems led both of you to fall for eachother, and then cut ties with him. I hope this helps. I will be praying for you.


#11

God has blessed you truly in avoiding meeting this person. I attended a sudden funeral Saturday of a loving husband and father. His wife was truly and understandably devastated. All I can say is the divorces I have seen are devastating to the family in the same way except that with an affair, the party choses all the misery their family gets.


#12

Before you go that far, I would suggest that you tell this man why you must permantly cease all contact. Then follow the suggestions above. This way, it would give this man a better opportunity to see the error and repent.

As a middle-aged (and now) single man, I concur with Irish Becca. It is one thing for me to have a couple as a friend, it is quite another for me to have a wife as a friend when the husband is not. While I do have some friends like this, I am always careful that I am never alone with these women, either I am with them with a group, like a Bible study, or at some event, like a party, where they are there with their husband.

I find difficulties in maintaining “friendships” with single women, situations often get confused!

Terminating all contact will be difficult. If you find it so, consider giving up using the Internet as a pennance above and beyond the pennance your priest/confessor may give you.


#13

Hi there afraidone,
thought you might want to read Fr. Serpa’s response to someone’s question. The question posed may not relate to you, but Fr. Serpa’s response might be of interest to you:

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=108457&highlight=married+attracted

love,
-unworthy


#14

You’re not an idiot. You just avoided something very foolish, and should thank God for the grace extended to you.

Take this as a symptom of an emptiness in your life that you are not attending to. That same emptiness may well be afflicting your spouse. Your marriage probably needs some work. You probably need to get out more and tend to relationships with your real friends. You may also need a more intense prayer life or a spiritual director.

Speaking of, I have a real life that’s being neglected. Thanks for the reminder to not waste so much time on the internet! :thumbsup:


#15

Prayers for you!

As someone else mentioned, discontinuing your internet usage may be worth considering. Although the reason I suggest you consider it is not for penance. But rather to prevent something like this from happening again. Look at the time you spend online and see how you ended up forming a relationship with this person to begin with. You can cut off contact with him, but if you are still in chat rooms, are you going to just befriend someone else and subject yourself to the same temptations? The difficulties that were in your marriage or in your life when you met this man - do you still have the same difficulties now? If so, and if your coping mechanisms haven’t changed, you are likely to make the same mistakes again that got you in too deep. If I were in your shoes, I might really feel the need to stay off the internet. Kind of like a person who just gave up alcohol might need to stay away from bars. Of course, there are obviously benefits to having internet access (hopefully, CA Forums is one of them for you). So you have to decide for yourself if that is really the right move. But I’d encourage you to look honestly at yourself and see if you can trust yourself not to put yourself in more tempting situations right now. God Bless,
TKC


#16

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