[quote=Dubervilles] Until recently (visiting these boards) I thought I knew and understood what the Church taught on NFP/children/family. I thought that children could be avoided through NFP indefinitely if you wanted to. I am married and have been for almost half of a year. Now upon finding out the ‘truth’ (what these forums have told me)–I feel trapped.
Yes, you can use NFP indefinitely to avoid children.
Actually, there should be a just reason, not a grave reason. Just means something different from grave. Just reasons are those that are not undertaken for selfish reasons, but there is much latitude in what just reasons are.
The reasons are discerned between the couple, and ideally also with spiritual guidance from a priest if there is struggle or if the couple does not agree-- one wanting to postpone while the othe wants to move forward with a child.
[quote=Dubervilles] I have been on ABC for many years now. I do understand that the church condemns it and I understand why even–but I can’t bring myself to try NFP–although recently I have been drawn to the idea of doing it.
I don’t understand this on two levels:
(1) You know it’s a sin to contracept.
(2) Reliability as the issue is implied, yet NFP is highly reliable. And, in many cases MORE reliable than contraception.
Well, you have a good reason for avoiding, as you explain below, so I don’t see it as being “morally wrong”.
[quote=Dubervilles] I almost regret getting married because of the things I have learned.
The purpose of marriage is to procreate children. Did you not know this or understand this?
[quote=Dubervilles] I cannot handle the thought of even having a child–I think I may almost be somewhat mentally disturbed of it as I think if someone asked me “have a child or cut off your arm” I would very willingly give them my arm… This is the reason I do not want children–I don’t think I am mentally stable enough for one although I act mentally stable now the thought of a baby is like terror to me.
This is a just reason. Emotional instability and mental problems are certainly something that should be treated and resolved prior to a child coming into the family. If you are actively working to conquer your health problem, then I don’t see the problem.
It sounds like whatever mental stress you are under is also distorting your understanding/view of church teaching on the subject of just reasons to postpone pregnancy.
[quote=Dubervilles] What do I do? Get an annulment?
Get compentent counseling from a priest and a Catholic mental health professional.
[quote=Dubervilles] Force myself to have children even if it may cause me to take my life or run away? Try NFP and then panic if it doesn’t work or stay on ABC?
You need to work through your mental issues. Ideally this would have been done before you entered into a marriage. BUT, it is something that you can work through now.
[quote=Dubervilles] So far my solution has been to stay on ABC even though I know the church’s teaching…
I still don’t understand your reason for using contraception rather than NFP when you know contraception to be wrong.