I am afraid to offer it up

I’m worried that if I continue to offer my sufferings for the salvation of souls, that God will just purposely send more sufferings on top of the burden I’m carrying, instead of valuing what sufferings I do more.

It is like when the boss sees you doing a good job and assigns more work (but no raise!) - I’m afraid God will do the same!

If He gave you more to suffer He would give you more Grace to handle that suffering so it should be about the same.

So, do you believe that God loves you or not?
Do you believe that all He wants to do is punish?

Love God with your whole heart. Make Him your beloved, and see if things don’t just turn our fine. Trust me, His “motives” are good.

I was just thinking the same thing! I had a headache and offered it to priests- the headaches lasted almost two weeks!!! The priests must have really needed it

That’s not guaranteed, as I’ve suffered more than grace provided. I’ve never recovered from the crosses in life.

People say God loves me but I can’t sense it.
And since the only thing life is about is the cross, the answer is yes to the second question.

People want to "feel: God’s love. It doesn’t tend to work that way.
God is out there, loving you like crazy.
Maybe spend some time in Adoration and simply listen to the Lord. A person can accuse God of all kinds of things…but God is all good, all-powerful, and all loving.
Once we accept His love, we begin to understand it in the context of OUR lives. Your life isn’t going to be like any else’s. Your relationship with Him is your own.
God has sent you crosses. What do you suppose the lesson is? Misery?
Likely not. I would spend time in prayer with a good Spiritual Director to see where this may take you, and what t means for your life. I can tell you this: rejecting Him, and wasting your precious time in building a relationship with Him by being angry won’t give you any answers. At least none that satisfy. I will pray for you tonight.
Take heart. Jesus was crucified for all of us. The perfect and the flawed. He does love you. Look upon that cross and see His arms open to you, inviting you closer.
Examine His scars and wounds. See in them the terrible price He paid for our salvation.
And rejoice. For you are the son of a King.
Peace.

I’ve read that St. Marianne cope said “I’m not afraid of any disease…”. If you find something about a teacher/saint you admire, emulate that person. Maybe she meant she wouldn’t get Hanson’s disease working with folks who had it or maybe she meant even if she got it it so what. Her faith was greater than her fear of any disease/cross she may have to bear. I’ve also read “why worry when you can pray?”
May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be happy.

“This is the consideration of God’s fairness, for, though my justice is so great that I leave nothing unexamined or unpunished, yet I am also so merciful and fair that *I demand nothing beyond what nature can bear. *Moreover, I forgive great punishment for the sake of a good intention and great sin in return for a little reparation.”
– Jesus to St. Bridget of Sweden (Book 4, Ch 89)

“One of the greatest signs that God cares for me is this, that He always gives me opportunities to suffer something for Him.”

  • St. Crescentia

“Place all thy sufferings in My Heart, and I will give them the highest perfection for the utility of the whole Church."

  • Jesus to St. Gertrude

Agree, I see God as the father figure from Jumanji - cold and callous to his son but the son found the hard way his father really did love him (just didn’t show it with warm fuzzies).

God is out there, loving you like crazy.

Yes. Out there. Away from me. Distant.

Maybe spend some time in Adoration and simply listen to the Lord.

Not available in the part of town where I live. I’ve tried going to it, but when God is quiet and doesn’t want to talk to me, he’s not going to talk to me in adoration.

Your life isn’t going to be like any else’s.

True. I’ll have a different cross, and suffering is still required.

God has sent you crosses. What do you suppose the lesson is? Misery?

Yes.

I am a worthless speck of dust. I am a disappointment to him and he sees no value in me except to keep punishing me.

Likely not. I would spend time in prayer with a good Spiritual Director to see where this may take you, and what t means for your life.

I can’t find one, one is not available where i live.

I can tell you this: rejecting Him, and wasting your precious time in building a relationship with Him by being angry won’t give you any answers. At least none that satisfy.

I know.

I don’t want to be angry at him. I want to love him and be close to him.

But that’s not how he rolls. Every attempt I made to get closer to him failed. He pushes me away, he does not want me.

I want to hug my Abba but he won’t allow me to.

I don’t have that kind of faith, God has withheld it from me, while giving it to her as a gift.

Don’t spend time worrying about what others have or we perceive they have.
We’re talking about YOU.
Your relationship with your beloved. Jesus Christ.

I prayed for you in the middle of the night. Did a Divine Mercy chaplet. I got us very ill. Decided that nothing was going to make me feel better, so I prayed and found peace. I hope you did as well.
God bless.

When you offer your sufferings in union with Christ for the salvation of souls, you are also asking to have a stronger relationship with God.

Now what if having a closer relationship with God happens through more suffering? You are still achieving the goal of being closer to God.

The sign of God’s love in the Cross is also where Jesus–God himself–cries, “My God, my God…”

So God might seem far away, but the risen Christ is actually there with you. He overcame and so can you!

It is like when the boss sees you doing a good job and assigns more work (but no raise!) - I’m afraid God will do the same!

Take courage. :slight_smile:

BobC…
I would like to thank you BobC… with much gratitude. I’ve read some of your recent posts on different threads and what comes through mostly to me is a sense of depression or anxiety. Besides responding to posts I try my hardest to remember to send blessings to folks who seem to be at their wits end and even to offer “up” my own suffering that I feel due to what I’ve read. As I read your posts I see that you are an angel sent to me to help me let go of my egotism so I can decrease and help others. What a godsend you’ve been over these last couple of days. I can’t articulate how much closer I feel to the divine at this moment because you have allowed me into your life so as to be able to help you in my small way.
I don’t believe god is “out there” god is within us all and all we really have to do is breathe, listen and believe.

 May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be happy.

I am asking.

I’m being denied, but at least some good is being done. Others will benefit, but I’ll never benefit.

This is why I’m afraid to offer it up. I still do it. But I’m getting scared to keep going.

Now what if having a closer relationship with God happens through more suffering?

And why can’t this happen through LESS suffering? God closed that door.

Nope. But God’s way of showing love is not registering on me. He is using the wrong key to unlock my heart.

you don’t ever feel His presence?

Nope.

Why are you trying to get Him to dance to your tune?

More like me trying to hear the music which you say he is playing (music metaphor for love).

A deaf person who cannot hear the beautiful loving music God is playing needs to have the deafness healed first, and only God’s touch can do that.

A person with a stuffy nose cannot smell the beautiful loving aroma of perfume God is creating needs to have the smelling fixed first, and only God’s touch can do that.

I have an inability to relate to God. I don’t know what to call it. Spiritual autism? Spiritual blindness? Spiritual deafness? Only God can heal that and he refuses to do so.

You have to put aside your negativity and offer yourself to Him.

Can’t put aside which is me. Otherwise, I’d have to be a phony.
God will see right through phoniness.

And how can I offer a worthless me to him? I have no value to him. Besides, the self is evil (and especially my self).

You have value as His Baptized son, priest, prophet, and king.

A son to be crucified.

A priest to be immolated.

A prophet to be sacrificed.

A king whose only throne flushes.

No pleasant things allowed.

Really? Not ONE priest? Not one sister or monk at a nearby monastery? Not one Deacon around anywhere?

Not where I am living. Nearest monastery is a long distance away. The clergy here are very…lightweight. I’ve got heavy things and they’re stuck in the 1970’s. One cares more about the Chicago Bears game than creating a decent homily. Ugh.

Then make up your mind and just do it. It takes far more effort to stroke those old wounds. Decide.

I’m going to choose to do this why?

You’re asking me to make a huge gianormous sacrifice, which 1) I’m unable to do without grace which 2) he refuses to provide and 3) he doesn’t relate to me.

That’s hard. How can I do that?

I prayed for you in the middle of the night. Did a Divine Mercy chaplet. I got us very ill. Decided that nothing was going to make me feel better, so I prayed and found peace. I hope you did as well.
God bless.

Thank you. I appreciate it. Especially since you got ill doing this, I appreciate that sacrifice.

Thanks! I really appreciate the effort and charity you’ve shown me.

You’re welcome.
But it’s WE who have to unlock our hearts to Him.
Just tell the Lord you love Him. And mean it. No strings. No “if only you would do this for me or that for me”.

Praying fro you didn’t make me sick, friend. I’m happy to do so. I can turn my suffering into an occasion of good, even if it’s the middle of the night. :wink:

I can’t. I lost the key.

Just tell the Lord you love Him. And mean it.

How can I mean it? It is like telling the wall I love it.

“Lord, if this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few”

No strings.

If one grew up with an abusive parent who beat them into the ground for the smallest violation, they’d have a hard time loving their parent. Especially without strings!

I feel the same way about God. I hate the beatings. I want the beatings to stop. I know, that’s a “string” but I’m not asking to be famous, or powerful, or be insanely wealthy.

I hear stories about people getting wonderful and loving things happening from God. Then I see my experience. I’m jealous.

How was the older son in the parable of the Prodigal son treated? The younger son at least got something! (yes, he lost it, but still…)
How was Jesus treated? (cross time!)

I have no value to him. Besides, the self is evil (and especially my self).

That’s not true.

CCC 369: “Being man” or “being woman” is a reality which is good and willed by God: man and woman possess an inalienable dignity which comes to them immediately from God their Creator.240 Man and woman are both with one and the same dignity “in the image of God”. In their “being-man” and “being-woman”, they reflect the Creator’s wisdom and goodness.


Pope St. John Paul II
: The Church teaches that every man, woman and child, regardless of race, sex, religion or social condition, has been made in the image and likeness of God (Cfr. ibid. 1, 26-27), and has an infinite value in God’s eyes.

I understand that you’re going through a lot of suffering. Perhaps you will find comfort in the fact that God is merciful, he takes into account our fragile state. Some things in life are hard to put into words…Just know that Christ–WITH LOVE–is there with you, even if on the Cross.

Here’s Pope Francis:

Our God is also a God of silences and there are silences of God which cannot be explained until you look at the Crucifixion. For example, why do children suffer? Can you explain that to me? Where can you find the words of God to explain the suffering of children? This is one of those great silences of God. I am not saying that we can “understand” the silences of God, but we can come close to them by looking at Christ Crucified, Christ who died, Christ abandoned, from the Mount of Olives to the Cross.

A few years ago I had a period of my own struggles…this is from Ratzinger’s Introduction to Christianity, which I found helpful:

Fastened to the cross – with the cross fastened to nothing, drifting over the abyss. The situation of the contemporary believer could hardly be more accurately and impressively described. Only on a loose plank bobbing over the void seems to hold him up, and it looks as if he must eventually sink. Only a loose plank connects him to God, though certainly it connects him inescapably and in the last analysis he knows that his wood is strong than the void which seethes beneath him and which remains nevertheless the really threatening force in this day-to-day life.

**He suffered willingly, you forget. **

If God didn’t give up on me, why won’t he console me? How about some anesthesia? A good surgeon uses anesthesia.

But is God really beating you?

The devil is beating me up. I ask God for Help. He says no.

So how is it different from God beating me?

Jealousy comes from within. Not from God.

“I am a jealous God” - I recall reading that.

God is jealous. If one dares to have a love outside of God, God does not like that. Must love God 100%. Can’t save 1% for anyone else.

He was shown MERCY. May we all receive such.

You answered how the younger son was treated. You didn’t answer how the older son was treated.

The older son got the burdens of having to work double now the prodigal wasn’t there doing his share. The older son got the father cheaping out not even giving him a kid goat to share with his friends. The older son got the strict treatment, the harsh treatment.

“If this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few!” a great saint told God.

He suffered willingly, you forget.

Correct.

I didn’t.

I don’t have a choice. Thus my sufferings are wothless and of no value to me. That’s why I offer it up and maybe someone else will benefit.

But I’ll never benefit.

That’s why I’m afraid to offer it up.

God wants others to benefit more so puts more on me. Since I don’t benefit, that is just more beating up on me.

Yes. I’ve got God’s dignity, but none of God’s hugs, none of his comforts, none of his consolations, none of his relationship, and none of the benefits of the dignity - on earth.

A few years ago I had a period of my own struggles…this is from Ratzinger’s Introduction to Christianity, which I found helpful:

Fastened to the cross – with the cross fastened to nothing, drifting over the abyss. The situation of the contemporary believer could hardly be more accurately and impressively described. Only on a loose plank bobbing over the void seems to hold him up, and it looks as if he must eventually sink. Only a loose plank connects him to God, though certainly it connects him inescapably and in the last analysis he knows that his wood is strong than the void which seethes beneath him and which remains nevertheless the really threatening force in this day-to-day life.

The problem is I’m still over the void. And the wind is blowing very strongly, threatening to blow me into the void.

Yes, the plank holds me up. But it does not prevent the wind from blowing me over.

That requires me to have a hand of love holding me on the sides.

God’s grace is fragile. Easily lost. And invisible so I don’t know if I have it.

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