Here is my story… I will try to summarize this in just a couple of lines, but there is a lot to the story. I will not to give all the details, but I give some of the story.
I have been married to my wife for 3 years and we have no children.
Over the three years it has got harder and harder to talk to my wife manly because it is her way or no way.
I know communication is part of it and Marriage Encounter may be making things worse, in fact my catholic consoler said we should stop going to community. We should also stay away from Retrouvaille.
My wife as per the consoler may have some type of personality problems.
I have been very, very patient in this marriage, but I was lost and this is why I started consoling for myself. I recently went to a priest for confession (for the first time I went to a priest that knows of my wife and I, and I have not been to this priest before for confession). I don’t have a great confessional life I make it several times I a year. I confessed my anger and that I am withdrawing for family, friends, and work. He asked details about the anger and I gave him some details. He asked why I waited so long for help, I told him I got married for life and that is the reason I did not get help. He told me good people get divorced and annulments; I told him I am not looking for that, the priest then gave me a response I am confortable with. This priest and a pastor of 2 parishes, has been calling be every other week to let me know he is praying for me (and I am thankful for that). The consoler never directly mentioned I should leave but I should talk to a lawyer to get my ducks in order, just in case.
One of our issues is my wife is controls everything in my life: I am only allowed to see my parents a few times a year; she also could cares very little for her own parents and siblings, and our friends our now becoming estranged. Every time she sees my family I hear for days what horrible people they are. When have I share the reasonswith this priest and consoler (among other people) they either shake their head or almost laugh because if these are the only things to complain about life is pretty good.
I was told by the consoler and priest I need to make time for my family, just because I am marriage they are still my family. A few weeks ago my wife dropped me off at work and she taking care of things in the area of my work that day (we only had on car that day). I so happend my parents called and invited me for lunch that day and I accepted, I did not invited my wife because I did not want to hear her complaints later or have my wife control the entire lunch conversation (when she is there she does 90% plus of the conversation). We did she my parents on father’s day, my parents mentions so they where happy to see me because that have not in so long(my wife ask me when we got home when they had lunch with me, I shared)
My wife has now not talked to me since, she is made because I did not tell her and because she was close by.
I refuse to apologize about this for a few reasons: one is because in our marriage I say I am sorry and apologize for things often, she almost never if ever does for anything. I have been deeply hurt many times, and I probably forgive to easily. I think that could be one of the problems that have got me\us to this point. Second in this case it goes against the advice of the catholic consoler and priest…
I do not have the money or the time to talk to the consoler until next week and that is why I am posting.
I am almost ready to though in the towel… there are so many more issues then the issue I have mentioned. When I try to work with my wife on anything thing she gets very immature. She is emotionally abusive to me, when I talk to her if I push any subject I care about she gets to the verge of physically abusive so I let her win and I walk away.