I was born in South America in 1951 of Italian parents. I was always among the first at school, particularly in religion class and at home I loved reading the life of Jesus and of the saints. I went to church regularly and helped the priest at mass. My parents wouldn’t let me go out much so I spent most of the time at home studying and playing on my own.
Then in 1970 my parents decided to come back to Europe and I have had problems and suffering since.
From 1970 to 1986 I abandoned religion and lived like any other young man . . you know what I mean. In 1979 I got a job in a big company and after a cou’ple of years I began hating the company life: my workmates would talk about what they saw on TV, my boss used to say “I don’t even believe in Jesus”, the routine took a toll on me and I would not bend to the unspoken truth that if you wanted to have a career you always had to obey your bosses even when they asked you to lie.
In 1986 I left and wandered around the world since: I spent 6 months in a Gandhian community in France but left because they exploited me like a slave and there was no spiritual side at all: Then I moved on and for some time worked with an architect who taught me a lot of things about building houses. Then a person I knew wrote me a letter asking me if I could go up to England help a man who was hasving some trouble with his leg.
I stayed 5 months with the man, who asked me to renovate his barn, did not pay me nor feed me and was an occultist, so we had our long discussions, me trying to make him see that magic is wrong. Then I moved to Manchester and spent 3 months with Mother Teresa’s brothers,. With them I started praying and hearing mass again. We would go out trying to make alcoholics quit the habit but with no luck. Then I went to India and spent 4 years in a small town in Bengal. I devoted my time to the poorest outcast children, buying them sweets, taking them to the movies or to hospital when they were sick, but the people hated me no end for that. I worked 15 days in Mother Teresa’s home for the dying and destitute and met the Mother herself. She lied to me and one of her nuns cheated me some money. I know noone believes that but it is the truth. I have to live with this weight on my soul, knowing that not only the Saint herself betrayed me, but that noone offers me consolation because nobody believes me.
Then I came back to Italy and did some building for 3 years and then moved to London, trying to get a job. But had the misfortune of renting a room in the house of an elderly couple of Irish catholics who hated me for quoting the Bible to them from time to
time. I left that house and moved to another neighbourhood in London but I guess the Irish lady got in touch with my new landlady telling her to harrass me because no sooner I moved into the new room everybody in the house started hating me for trying to be a coherent Catholic. I felt so bad after so many years of receiving hate for being a Catholic that I fell ill with depression. I went back to Italy and spent time in hospital tryiong to get back on my feet. As soon as I could stay upright I drove to France to meet a friend and ended living 6 years in a nun’s convent were they just saw me as a worker, never offered me any spiritual help and made me live in a wooden shack with no water , no electricity, no toilet and no heating.
When I asked the Mother Superior if she could give me better accomodation she sent me away. I moved to a small village were people hated me because I was a foreigner drawing on the French social security. All the time, I would do my best to help the homeless who landed in the village and were refused help by the Catholic community there, taking them to my place, feeding them and even keeping them in for the night.
Today I am back in Italy, a complete misfit. I devote my time to my mother who is 91. I refuse the Italian social life because as a Catholic I am supposed to keep away from the world and I do not fit with the Catholic community, made up of people who go to mass on Sunday’s and spend the week learning the ways of the satanic world from their TV sets.
Alone, alone, alone.
I go to Mass on Sundays, I pray the rosary every day, I go for confession even every 15 days, I have read my Bible twice and the New T. at least 5 times and I listen to the Catholic Radio.
But I find there is a gap between what the Gospel teaches and what the local church teaches.
The gospel says: The world hates me because I say that its ways are evil (which is true, according to my experience).
Take up your cross and follow me (which I did, that’s why I am so distressed today)
If you save your life you will lose it, but if you lose your life you will save it (I lost my life in order to follow the Lord and help the poor and I am deep in trouble).
I send you like sheep among wolves (which is true according to my experience).
The friends of the world are the enemies of God.
All these things are not taught in my Church, whose community is made up of middle-class people who never gave up their lives for the Lord, never suffered any persecution, never carried any cross.
I cannot share my life and my sorrows with them because they will think I am lying or I am crazy.
So I am alone with my pain.
Love and kisses