I am Catholic and . . . lonely


#1

I was born in South America in 1951 of Italian parents. I was always among the first at school, particularly in religion class and at home I loved reading the life of Jesus and of the saints. I went to church regularly and helped the priest at mass. My parents wouldn’t let me go out much so I spent most of the time at home studying and playing on my own.
Then in 1970 my parents decided to come back to Europe and I have had problems and suffering since.
From 1970 to 1986 I abandoned religion and lived like any other young man . . you know what I mean. In 1979 I got a job in a big company and after a cou’ple of years I began hating the company life: my workmates would talk about what they saw on TV, my boss used to say “I don’t even believe in Jesus”, the routine took a toll on me and I would not bend to the unspoken truth that if you wanted to have a career you always had to obey your bosses even when they asked you to lie.
In 1986 I left and wandered around the world since: I spent 6 months in a Gandhian community in France but left because they exploited me like a slave and there was no spiritual side at all: Then I moved on and for some time worked with an architect who taught me a lot of things about building houses. Then a person I knew wrote me a letter asking me if I could go up to England help a man who was hasving some trouble with his leg.
I stayed 5 months with the man, who asked me to renovate his barn, did not pay me nor feed me and was an occultist, so we had our long discussions, me trying to make him see that magic is wrong. Then I moved to Manchester and spent 3 months with Mother Teresa’s brothers,. With them I started praying and hearing mass again. We would go out trying to make alcoholics quit the habit but with no luck. Then I went to India and spent 4 years in a small town in Bengal. I devoted my time to the poorest outcast children, buying them sweets, taking them to the movies or to hospital when they were sick, but the people hated me no end for that. I worked 15 days in Mother Teresa’s home for the dying and destitute and met the Mother herself. She lied to me and one of her nuns cheated me some money. I know noone believes that but it is the truth. I have to live with this weight on my soul, knowing that not only the Saint herself betrayed me, but that noone offers me consolation because nobody believes me.
Then I came back to Italy and did some building for 3 years and then moved to London, trying to get a job. But had the misfortune of renting a room in the house of an elderly couple of Irish catholics who hated me for quoting the Bible to them from time to
time. I left that house and moved to another neighbourhood in London but I guess the Irish lady got in touch with my new landlady telling her to harrass me because no sooner I moved into the new room everybody in the house started hating me for trying to be a coherent Catholic. I felt so bad after so many years of receiving hate for being a Catholic that I fell ill with depression. I went back to Italy and spent time in hospital tryiong to get back on my feet. As soon as I could stay upright I drove to France to meet a friend and ended living 6 years in a nun’s convent were they just saw me as a worker, never offered me any spiritual help and made me live in a wooden shack with no water , no electricity, no toilet and no heating.
When I asked the Mother Superior if she could give me better accomodation she sent me away. I moved to a small village were people hated me because I was a foreigner drawing on the French social security. All the time, I would do my best to help the homeless who landed in the village and were refused help by the Catholic community there, taking them to my place, feeding them and even keeping them in for the night.
Today I am back in Italy, a complete misfit. I devote my time to my mother who is 91. I refuse the Italian social life because as a Catholic I am supposed to keep away from the world and I do not fit with the Catholic community, made up of people who go to mass on Sunday’s and spend the week learning the ways of the satanic world from their TV sets.
Alone, alone, alone.
I go to Mass on Sundays, I pray the rosary every day, I go for confession even every 15 days, I have read my Bible twice and the New T. at least 5 times and I listen to the Catholic Radio.
But I find there is a gap between what the Gospel teaches and what the local church teaches.
The gospel says: The world hates me because I say that its ways are evil (which is true, according to my experience).
Take up your cross and follow me (which I did, that’s why I am so distressed today)
If you save your life you will lose it, but if you lose your life you will save it (I lost my life in order to follow the Lord and help the poor and I am deep in trouble).
I send you like sheep among wolves (which is true according to my experience).
The friends of the world are the enemies of God.

All these things are not taught in my Church, whose community is made up of middle-class people who never gave up their lives for the Lord, never suffered any persecution, never carried any cross.
I cannot share my life and my sorrows with them because they will think I am lying or I am crazy.
So I am alone with my pain.
Love and kisses
Guido


#2

:crying: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :clapping: :dancing:

No one is without sin other than Jesus and Mary :frowning: Not even Mother Teresa.

Stay close to Mary. God will use your suffering for his own good. Stay close to the Eucharist. Pray often for the sins of the world and offer your suffering in redemptive sacrifice. See: consecration.com Devour spiritual reading.

Information on devoting oneself to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
Online Adoration of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament louisville-catholic.net/WebCameras/AdorationChapel/tabid/825/Default.aspx
True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin fisheaters.com/totalconsecrationmontfort.html
**Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html
Reflections on True Devotion to Mary by His Holiness Pope John Paul II http://www.michaeljournal.org/montfort.htm
**The Glories of Mary, ** by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains Hail Holy Queen http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/glories.htm
On the Dolors of Mary by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains the sufferings of Our Lady http://writer.zoho.com/public/immaculate/Seven-dolors
Marialis Cultus (Apostolic Exhortation for the Right Ordering and Development of Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary of His Holiness, February 2, 1974 by His Holiness Pope Paul VI ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/P6MARIAL.HTM
Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus en.wikisource.org/wiki/Devotion_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus#FIRST_POINT._.E2.80.94_The_ardent_desire_Jesus_Christ_feels_to_be_with_us.
Divine Mercy Chaplet ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm
Rosary Confraternity Enrollment rosary-center.org/nconform.htm (As Pope Leo XIII said in his encyclical on the Confraternity, *“Whenever a person fulfills his obligation of reciting the Rosary according to the rule of the Confraternity, he includes in his intentions all its members and they render him the same service many times over.” * Each member includes deceased fellow members as well; and thus he knows that in turn he will be included in the prayers of hundreds of thousands both now and hereafter.
Cathechism of the Catholic Church vatican.va/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm
Litany of Humility ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/humility.htm
**Litany of the Blessed Virgin ** intermirifica.org/Mary/marylitany.htm
**Cathechis of the Popes on Mary, Mother of God, ** catechesisofthepopes.wikispaces.com/Mary
Mystical City of God themostholyrosary.com/mystical-city.htm
In Defense of The City of God Mystica Civitate Dei: dailycatholic.org/issue/05Jun/jun10tim.htm - to summarize the research of three priests on the official decision of the Holy Roman Catholic Church regarding The Mystical City of God by Venerable Mary of Jesus of Agreda and to ascertain thereby whether it is permitted for anyone of any authority whatsoever to forbid the reading of this extraordinary book.
The Way of the Cross by St. Josemaria Escriva escrivaworks.org/book/the_way_of_the_cross-point-4.htm
Rosarium Virginis Mariae by His Holiness Pope John Paul II: To the Bishops, Clergy, and Faithful on the Most Holy Rosary vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_letters/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20021016_rosarium-virginis-mariae_en.html
The Violence of Love by Archbishop Oscar Romero plough.com/ebooks/ViolenceOfLove.html


#3

Thank you so much.

If I am still faithful today is thanks to the many books I have read. More than 1.000.
Books about the Theory of Evolution, History, Politics, Economics Science, which helped me see the lies and injustices of this world and many more religious books, which is what helps me most.
Because, no matter how distressing my life has been, I still have to admit that the Bible is the only book that opens your eyes to the truth about this sad life we have to live on earth.
Also, what helps me is the HOPE of maybe one day reach Heaven and meet friendly people there.


#4

It looks like you’ve found out the hard way: “Let God be true and every man a liar.” So you see, Guido, its all true - the Word of God, that is. So you know what a great reward awaits you if you persevere. I hope that you will find strength here at CAF, and I will keep you in my prayers. :slight_smile:


#5

Hi Guido and wellcome to the forums.I will keep you in my prayers.May the peace of our Lord Jesus be with you,Rocky.


#6

maybe you should look for a new church home. many catholic churches are alot like the one you currently attend. but i have found one (unfortunatley for you in the states) that does not generally prescribe to the typical laissez faire Catholicism attitude. if you keep looking for another church home, you might find a priest that challenges your faith.


#7

Have you considered Opus Dei by St. Josemaria Escriva? I do not know much about them but they generally strike me as a devout and loyal to the Magisterium sort? Maybe someone who is a member of Opus Dei on this forum might elaborate on their opinion on this group. I have heard mostly good things about them. :shrug: :confused:


#8

“Prayer For A Lonely Soul”

“Lord, Friend of a lonely heart, You are my haven, You are my peace. You are my salvation, You are my serenity in moments of struggle and amidst an ocean of doubts. You are the bright ray that lights up the path of my life. You are everything to a lonely soul even though it remains silent. You know the weaknesses and You comfort and heal, sparing us sufferings.
Amen”


#9

St. Padre Pio Quotes

In all events of life, you must recognize the Divine will. Adore and bless it, especially in the things which are the hardest for you.

In my greatest sufferings, it seems to me that I no longer have a mother on this earth, but a very compassionate one in Heaven.

Remember that God is within us when we are in a state of grace and outside of us when we are in a state of sin; but His angel never abandons us… He is our most sincere and faithful friend even whe sadden him with our bad behavior.

Prayer is the best weapon we possess. It is the key that opens the heart of God.

You must always humble yourself lovingly before God and before men, because God speaks only to those who are truly humble and He enriches them with His gifts.

Humility and purity are the wings which carry us to God and make us almost divine.

Hold on tightly to the Rosary. Be very grateful to the Madonna because it was she who gave us Jesus.

Love our Lady and make her loved; always recite the Rosary and recite it as often as possible.

Imagine Jesus crucified in your arms and on your chest, and say a hundred times as you kiss His chest, “This is my hope, the living source of my happiness; this is the heart of my soul; nothing will ever separate me from His love.”

Stay with me, Lord, for as poor as my soul is I want it to be a place of consolation for You.

Love Jesus, love Him very much, but to do this, be ready to love sacrifice more.

Our Lord sends the crosses; we do not have to invent them.

Charity is the measure by which Our Lord judges all things.

Don’t allow any sadness to dwell in your soul, for sadness prevents the Holy Spirit from acting feely.

It would be well to remember that the graces and consolations of prayer are not waters of this earth but of Heaven. Therefore, all our efforts are not sufficient to make them fall, even though it be necessary to prepare oneself with great diligence.

Our present life is given only to gain the eternal one and if we don’t think about it, we build our affections on what belongs to this world, where our life is transitory. When we have to leave it we are afraid and become agitated. Believe me, to live happily in this pilgramage, we have to aim at the hope of arriving at our Homeland, where we will stay eternally. Meanwhile we have to believe firmly that God calls us to Himself and follows us along the path towards Him. He will never permit anything to happen to us that is not for our greater good. He knows who we are and He will hold our His paternal hand to us during difficulties, so that nothing prevents us from running to Him swiftly. But to enjoy this grace we must have complete trust in Him.

The more you are afflicted, the more you ought to rejoice, because in the fire of tribulation the soul will become pure gold, worth to be placed and to shine in the heavenly palace.

In the spiritual life, you must take one step forward each day in a vertical line, from the bottom up.

Some people are so foolish that they think they can go through life without the help of the Blessed Mother.

Our Lord sometimes makes you feel the weight of the cross. This weight seems unbearable but you carry it because in His love and mercy, the Lord helps you and gives you strength.

You must not be discouraged or let yourself become dejected if your actions have not succeeded as perfectly as you intended. What do you expect? We are made of clay and not every soil yields the fruits expected by the one who tills it. But let us always humble ourselves and acknowledge that we are nothing if we lack the Divine assistance.

When Jesus wants to make me happy, He fills my heart with that spirit which is all fire, and speaks to me about His delights; but when He wants to be consoled, He speaks to me about His pains, and invites me in a manner that is both a request and a command, to offer my body to alleviate His sufferings.

I have worked and I want to work. I have prayed and I want to pray. I have kept watch and I want to keep watch. I have cried and I want to cry - always for all of my brothers who are in exile. I know and understand that this is very little but this is what I know how to do; this is what I am able to do; and this is all that I can do.

As gifts increase in you, let your humility grow, for you must consider that everything is given to you on loan.


#10

Keep your eyes fixed on Him who is your guide to the heavenly country, where He is leading you. What does it matter to you whether Jesus wishes to guide you to Heaven by way of the desert or by the meadow, so long as He is always with you and you arrive at the possession of a blessed eternity?

You must concentrate on pleasing God alone, and if He is pleased, you must be pleased.

In the first place, I want you to know that Jesus needs someone to mourn with Him for human wickedness. This is why he leads me along the sorrowful paths. But blessed be His charity forever. He knows how to combine the bitter with the sweet and convert the fleeting pains of this life into eternal happiness.

If God wills to prolong our trials, do not let us lament or try to find out the reason… We have to see God through the fire of thorns, and to do this we must go barefoot and renounce our own will and affection and accept the will of God wholeheartedly.

Do you know what religion is? It is a school in which every soul must be trained, smoothed and polished by the Holy Spirit, who acts as a physician to our souls, until well smoothed and polished, they can be united and joined to the will of God… Religion is an infirmary for the spiritually sick, who wish to be cured and must therefore undergo the pains of surgery.

You ought to ask our Lord for just one thing, to love Him. All the rest should be thanksgiving.

Never fall back on yourself alone, but place all your trust in God and don’t be too eager to be set free from your present state. Let the Holy Spirit act within you. Give yourself up to all His transports and have no fear. He is so wise and gentle and discreet that He never brings about anything but good. How good this Holy Spirit, this Comforter, is to all, but how supremely good He is to those who seek Him.

I know that your spirit is always wrapped in the darkness of trials, but it is enough for you to know that Jesus is with you and in you.

How many times I have entrusted to this Mother (the Virgin Mary) the painful anxieties of my heart. And how many times she has consoled me… With what great attention she accompanied me to the altar this morning. It seemed to me that she had nothing else to think about but me, filling my heart with holy sentiments. I felt a mysterious fire in my heart, which I could not understand. I felt the need to put ice on it in order to extinguish the fire that was consuming me.

Jesus, who is infintely merciful, will not fail to give you now and then a respite from the trial He has sent you. He is so good that He will never allow you to give in. The trial is a very hard one, but the Lord who is so very, very good will not fail to lighten the Cross from time to time.

Souls are not given as a gift; they are bought. Don’t you know what they cost Jesus? They must be paid for with the same coin.

In our thoughts and in confession, we must not dwell on sins that were previously confessed. Because of our contrition, Jesus forgave them at the tribunal of penitence. It was there that He faced us and our destitution, like a creditor standing before an insolvent debtor. With a gesture of infinite generosity, He tore up and destroyed the promissory notes which we signed with our sins, and which we would certainly not have been able to pay without the help of His Divine clemency.

Let us therefore, love to quench our thirst at this fountain of living water and go forward all the time along the way of divine love. But let us also be convinced that our souls will never be satisifed here below. In fact it would be disastrous for us, if at a certain stage of our journey, we were to feel satisifed, for it would be a sign that we thought we had reached our goal, and in this we would be deceived.

May your whole life be spent in giving thanks to the Divine Spouse… Live for Him and let your entire life be spent for Him. Hand over to Him your departure and the departure of others from this earth - when, where, and as He wills.

He wants you entirely for Himself. He wants you to place all your turst and all your affection in Him alone.

And if our wretchedness saddens us, if our ingratitude for God terrorizes us, if the memory of our faults hinders us from presenting ourselves to God our Father, let us then have recourse to Mary our Mother. She is all sweetness, mercy, goodness, and love for us because she is our Mother.

Let us ask the Lord to send us death when His grace is with us, when we are surrounded by Him, His Mother and Saint Joseph, after having completed our purgatory here on earth.

The souls that suffer the most are favorites of the Sacred Heart; and you may rest assured that Jesus has chosen your soul to be the favorite of His adorable heart. You must hide yourself in this Heart; in this Heart you must give vent to your ardent desires, in this Heart you must live out the days that Providence will grant you; in this Heart you must die when the Lord so wishes.

We shall not see each other again in this world; but when I am no longer here, do not forget me in your prayers before the Almighty and I shall continue as your guide from Heaven.

Pray, hope, don’t worry!


#11

Lonely saints (Unloved Saints)

**Saint for Loneliness? ** forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=107592


#12

St. Padre Pio, who said, “The Rosary is The WEAPON”, said as many as 90 rosaries a day in a special form for which he received ecclesiastical permission. Father Thomas Euteneur, President of Human Life International, cites this in The Rosary Batters the Gates of Hell hli.org/sl_2008-10-03.html

St. Padre Pio Devotions (where the above quotes are from)
padrepiodevotions.org/


#13

brother, I don’t really know what to tell you, but it touched me reading your story. Remember that no servant is greater than his master… Jesus was a “misfit” too, He felt lonely, He didn’t fit in with the world… neither did the Apostles, the Martyrs, the Saints. I agree with you that we should carry our cross and die to self and to the world. It’s really difficult to do this of course… but I believe that in Heaven, all those who have suffered on earth for Christ’s sake will be rewarded. Sometimes I feel lonely too and often because of my faith, but we will not feel this way in Heaven… there will definitely be kindness and compassion there not like on earth. I guess what we can do here is show that kindness…show God’s love, to others… even if we’ll be hated for it… Blessed are you when others hate you… the world hated Christ as well. Forgive them and pray for them.
I’m sure that even when the world does not appreciate what we are doing, if it is pleasing to God, if it makes Him smile, that is enough… and someday all this work will bear fruit, - even if that’s in the age to come.

God bless you!

monica


#14

My friend, share your sorrows with God and do not give in to the feeling of loneliness, to not let it eat at you. Beware the evil one, do not let him tempt you too far with it.

God is listening, and does not wish you to be lonely.

Lonliness is dangerous because by its very fact, by its very indulgence we separate ourselves from help, because we give in to the feeling which is a self defeating feeling.

It is also a lie, because we are not alone.

We walk with God, the saints and the angels.

I know there are people here who have walked a part of your road, felt what you have felt. It is a solitary road for those who walk it, one two or three sometimes, in their parishes.

In regards to Mother Teresa, there are some who believe she is not a saint because of some things she has said and done, and these good Catholics – she is not a saint unless she is declared one. So you will not find that everyone here necessarily disbelieves you, though some would and most likely should simply reserve judgment not being there themselves neither believing or disbelieving.

Remember the saints who are truly declared saints, and the angels, who walk besides us.

These are hard times for Catholics, hard times for the Church – many wish to not understand this, to gloss over the troubles so deep and broad – this is to a degree… understandable, because people have weak hope, and weak faith. But with strong hope and strong faith, you can still smile through hard times. :slight_smile:

All times and all places are good to be in, with God. Whereever He puts you, there He is with you, with His love, and approval of your every good act and motion of heart, on the way.

Like John the Baptist some of us wander in the desert. But it can be beautiful there too. We are not alone, never ever, truly are we alone. :slight_smile:


#15

hi guido.

i don’t know how you came to find CAF, but i am sure it is a gift sent to you from God. here you will meet many wonderful people and be exposed to one of the most fascinating communities around… at least in my humble opinion. :slight_smile:

how wonderful to welcome someone to the forum that is so well read and has led such an interesting life!

and try to remind yourself that even though you might not get the worldly thanks that you deserve, God knows where you heart is at.

may the good Lord bless you and fill your heart with joy. :grouphug:


#16

hi, I believe you. :slight_smile: I had similar experiences with the “elite” and well known, but of a different religion. People don’t believe me either. Whatever, you know? You know the truth, right. And some things, I just don’t tell people. The things I have seen are just so outside of people’s experiences, expectations, and preconceived ideas, they don’t WANT to know the truth.

I am sorry you are lonely. I am a Catholic convert and there were times during my conversion that I felt incredibly lonely. I can still get that way.

I live in Salt Lake City, UT, the heart of Mormonism. I can count the Catholics I know well enough to say hello at Mass on two hands. Other than that, everyone around me is either Mormon or non-religious. If it weren’t for my Catholic friends, all 4 or 5 of them, I would be beyond lonely.

I have a friend, who is discerning a religious life. I think about her being gone and cloistered forever, and it sort of makes me sad, and very happy, all at once. Sad because I will miss her. Happy, because her choice has helped me understand things that I am not so sure I would have ever understood otherwise. And I celebrate in my heart, for her.

You remind me of this, even though you are a complete stranger. I am sad, reading what you have written, and glad at the same time. Sad that you have not found joy. Glad in the understanding of the sacrifices you have made and what they really, truly, mean. I would not be surprised if you have not touched others in a similar way.

God bless,
Rebecca


#17

Thank you all, Monica and all the others.
You know what happened to me yesterday: I don’t know if you know that there has been great uproar in Italy over the euthanasia of a young woman two or three days ago.
I talked about this at the café where I normally go because it was the subject everybody was talking about and I gave my catholic view: that human life is a mistery, nobody even knows its origin on earth and that therefore we Catholics say that life belongs to God and nobody has the right to interfere with it.
Well, brothers and sisters, the owners made me understand that I am no longer welcome in that café.
I assure you I am always trying to joke now and then and I think I have a humorous side. Only, sometimes I get a little depressed and that’s when I try to find consolation from others.
It’s great knowing you. I have read all the posts and really it has been like you cuddling me and I thank you a lot.
I’ll get over my pessimism, don’t worry. Even if it’s with yuour help.
God bless


#18

Benedict,

Dose your parish have bible study? You can ask your pastor to start it if the parish dosen’t. You could also join the Legion of Mary.


#19

guido, i just reread my post and i sound like someone in a sandwich board. it’s just that for the past several years, i too have felt such isolation. the deeper i go into my faith the more i realize how little i have in common with all my friends. if they knew how i felt most of the time, they’d think i was crazy as well. this forum is the only place where i can actually enjoy conversations again. online or not, it’s been very comforting to know there are others out there with the same beliefs from all over the planet.

i do think we all go through melancholy stretches, but i don’t think this life is meant to be absent of joy all the time. sometimes when people in this world let you down, it’s good to observe physical nature, asking God to reveal His puns, patterns and sense of humor.

and for what it’s worth, if music didn’t exist i think i’d lose my mind. music is a pleasure that lives perfectly in all that is seen and unseen.

it’s never to late to learn an instrument. :harp: God bless.

and i just found out about this book. haven’t read it, but you made me think of it:

Dark Night of the Soul. In Dark Night of the Soul, Saint John of the Cross presents for us a portrait - painted from his own experience - of one who advances successfully through the struggles of the spiritual life. The “dark night” that St. John describes is not abandonment by God but special consideration from Him for those who desire to purify and perfect their souls. With a soul purified from earthly attachments, we can advance through the much quoted but oft misunderstood “dark night of the soul” into unity with God. By accepting the desolation and difficulty of this process, the soul cooperates with God and opens itself to receiving and revealing more perfectly God’s glory.

tanbooks.com/news/news2-09.htm


#20

oh, i just read about what happened to you at the cafe. i am sorry to hear that.

…but on the other hand, i suspect your postings will be a nice addition to the forum especially in the non-catholic threads. :smiley:


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