Before I begin typing please know all of this information was typed without reading over the post and correcting it. I really need to type my thoughts out to calm my mind, but I am not sure if this will help you guys in offering advice :shrug:. I will do my best though, so please disregard all of chunks of text that sound weird.
To introduce myself I am a sixteen year old maronite catholic who contemplates 24/7, can only talk about theological topics, obsessed with my discernments and lives of the saints, has scrupulous attacks all the time, and I am seen as "different".
My daily routine is wake up, hopefully attend daily mass, go to school, pray in the chapel, go to school thinking about God all day, come home, ask my mom if she needs anything, and go to my room to work on homework or study, think, pray, sit in the silence, stream the internet, read, or watch anything that is realtive to catholicism or God.
I highly despise secular society, and it's influences can be very bad on me. I cannot even work on a single homework assignment or read a single sentence in a textbook on how catholicism and God are relative to it. For example, I am currently studying the Civil War in history class, and my mind refuses to study the text until I know what the Church teaches about the Civil War. I concluded, "Well, it seems it is a just war, because the Union is fighting to end slavery in the nation." Saint Josemaria wrote that an hour of study is an hour of prayer, but I noticed whenever I study there are many problems that occur. Whenever I read fast I feel like if my bloodstream flows too fast I'll have the inclination to sin. In other words, my spiritual awareness of others lowers.
I am currently reading Introduction to the Devout Life by Saint Francis de Sales, so hopefully that will help me.
When I was at a retreat at a Franciscan Friary we watched a movie called, "For Greater Glory" and I noticed there was much violence in the movie. I left the room after thirty minutes into the movie of recieving headaches from thinking to myself, "Can these people not notice that love is the answer? Violence only causes more violence." Yet hypocritical me I did not know correctly what the Church taught on a just war.
I will be talking to my main spiritual director tonight.
I better stop typing here.
Please know that anything you ask me I am sure I can search within the deep libraries of my head and find a well-thought reply. As you can tell I am not good with talking to others unless if they ask me the question, because when I talk to others my thoughts constantly spill out of my head unless if I am teaching someone about theology or helping them with a spiritual problem.
Also, I tend to keep myself isolated as much as possible from secular society. I only like to be around devout catholics. When I was at the friary I felt SO comfortable because I was around men who devoted their earthly lives to God. I was very happy :D.
No matter how weird/bad/good things are I always have faith in the Lord. This quote really helped me "God does not ask for success; He asks for faith! We do not have to understand what He says, but we have to trust in Him." -Blessed Teresa of Calcutaa
Other than that I am a very quiet person. :o