The past couple of months have been difficult to say the least, not just for me but everyone. However I was very fervent in prayer in April, but I noticed a loss in something inside myself and it has been dwindling away. It started out in where I wasn’t praying for the salvation of souls nearly as strongly as I did, and then everything just got worse. I was going to mass everyday, praying all my devotions with ease prior as well as getting work done much easier prior. Now I struggle to even sit down and do work, I am fortunate if I even finish on a rosary I started in the same week. I don’t go to mass nearly as much except when I have to. I have very minimal motivation for life and would rather not exist at all right now, because this is awful. My family is against me politically and my prayers seem to have minimal effect. In addition I go to confession every week and sometimes 2-3 times a week to make sure I am always in state of sanctifying grace. Finally my body has been falling me as well, I keep getting aches and I had what was believed to be a stomach ulcer a couple of weeks ago and have not fully recovered. I am also losing my hair at an alarming rate and I am only 21, in addition to having more thoughts of self harm. In addition I have been trying to improve my body for 3-4 months with no avail.
I really started taking my faith very seriously over 2 years ago and progressed very fast, and I have always had this interior call that I was called to a glory that I feel I will never achieve. Simply put I don’t know why I am here anymore. I just giving up, this Is horrible my life and world around me is collapsing and God has come in with minimal effect and I really had to pray hard to get anything to happen. I have no fire in me, and it’s driving me insane. Simply put I am tired of this and I am lonely and depressed. I believe this is the Dark Night of the soul, or this could just be spiritual burn out. Either way please pray for me as I will pray for you.