I am nervous about getting engaged; can you help?

I have always wanted to get married and start a family but I guess I always thought of it as a future goal. About a year ago I met and started dating the love of my life. I knew right away that she was someone that I could spend the rest of my life with. We are both religious and have limited ourselves to what we do and therefore haven’t had sex of any kind. My problem is that she has had a plan in mind about her future as well and for the most part it fits right in with my plan. The problem is she always figured she would date a guy for a year and then get engaged for 2. Mine plan was i figured I would date someone for 2 years and if it felt right I would get engaged for another year. We have compromised on this point and split the difference. I guess it scares me though that she is so dead set on this deadline. She gave me an ultimatum of I need to propose by our 19th month anniversary. I know she is watching out for herself but it just scares me to think about my future in such a set way. I guess I’m curious if this is common to be worried about getting engaged or if i’m just over thinking this because I am afraid of getting married too young (according to her plan i would be 25 and she would be 24)
I feel that I should clarify the ultimatum issue. I have talked to her before about how it could be seen as threatening and she tells me that she needs to be true to herself and that means she doesn’t wait 3 years to get engaged. She wants to start on a family sooner rather than later. Plus we have already made it through a year of a doctorate program together which has revealed a lot about ourselves to each other. We have been there for each other during our highs and lows and we have seen the best and worst in each other thanks to our school program.


Both plans require three years before you get married. You both sound like you have isusses of control. Realize that it is the Lord who calls us to Him by means of the vocation He has chosen for us. He and He alone can give us the strength to fulfill His will for us. HE IS IN CONTROL–NOT YOU! Let Him be God. He does a better job of it. You both are in our prayers.

LET GO ! ! !

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

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