I don’t even know where to begin. My life sucks. Everything sucks. I am angry. I was raised in a protestant christian home of parents who really love Jesus. They did their best in raising me, I went to church, I even went to Bible college. Something has always been lacking. I see my parents and I see Joy. I see how God works in their life. He is everything to them. I want what they have. I have asked Jesus for help. I have given my life to him. Yet I feel empty. It is an empty feeling I have felt ever since I was a teenager. I try to talk to God by prayer yet I feel nobody is listening. I have studied the Word of God and I know it is His Word and sometimes the Word speaks to me but most of the time I feel like it is my conscience speaking to me and I just am telling myself it is God. I am broken. I have so many scars. I know he is willing to forgive. But I feel I am beyond forgiveness. I fall into sin all the time, I live in sin for crying out loud. I want to exit it. I want to be free of it. I want the things of God. I want to help people. I just am so broken. I need help.
I hope this doesn’t come off as a vain platitude, but I have found that God works through my life in unexpected ways. I tried becoming super “religious” and devoting all my time to study and prayer, but it’s little moments in the “secular” world that have really shown me what I need to work on.
My point is that you shouldn’t be worried that you don’t sense God’s presence in the way you’re expecting to. In God’s time, in God’s way, you will grow. The very fact that you are struggling means that God is with you. This is what I believe.
However, it sounds like you would benefit most from just spilling your guts to someone. I’d be happy to listen to you, but is there someone in your life who you feel comfortable confessing these things to? Perhaps a priest?
Also, we all fall short of the goal, and no one is ever beyond forgiveness, no matter the sin, provided they have the contrite heart of repentance. God’s grace, and our cooperation with it, is what leads us to perfection. Sinning is a part of the journey, but sin becomes unmatched merit when you repent and move forward.
I just feel that God has abandoned me. I really feel this way. Why would God see me struggle like this with the thing he hates most. Sin. I try to live morally but one of my many weaknesses is women and sex. I am not full of myself but I am attractive to women for some reason and this is a curse. I can’t hold myself from it. I swear it. Lying through my teeth to get out of sticky situations, the anger I feel towards myself for throwing away so many years. I feel so dirty. Why would God see to it that I go through this in my life without moving forward. I feel so stationary.
I don’t know what to say other than I feel your pain.
Whenever I am down I remember what God told St. Catherine of Sienna
“Suffering and sorrow increase in proportion to love: When love grows, so does sorrow… The soul, therefore, who chooses to love me must also choose to suffer for me anything at all that I give her. Consider that the soul’s love in divine charity is so joined with perfect patience. Patience is not proved except in suffering, and patience is one with charity, as has been said. Endure courageously. Otherwise you will not show yourselves to be–nor will you be-- faith full spouses and children of my Truth.”
Hang in there. God is making a virtuous person out of you.
Keep praying and know that this is only temporal.
I can relate. I’ve struggled with severe depression and felt like God abandoned me. I’m sure many others have as well.
I would avoid questioning or trying to determine why God is putting you through this difficult situation. God’s thoughts are not our own. I would even avoid entertaining the notion that God is somehow testing you, as he did Job.
There’s no need to feel dirty. I felt the same way of myself, dealing with the same sexual issues. I would try to “clean” myself all while judging myself harshly. We must not forget that we have in God a savior and forgiving father. I know that is hard to believe during times like this, but it is the basis of our entire faith.
Don’t focus on “perfecting” yourself. Focus on getting to know God. By His grace, you will be made stronger.
I would stress that you speak to someone in person, as I am but a recent convert. But I hope my words offer you at least some encouragement in the right direction.
I want to get to know God, and you would think being a Bible student I would know how. But I just do not know.
I feel like this suffering is not coming from God, i feel like I am bringing it on myself and I don;t know how to get out.
“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”
Yeah, yeah, I know. But I’ve been asking and God hasn’t been answering! Just slow down, get rid of all your expectations, and listen to that “still small voice.” Listen to the circumstances and the people in your life. Go to services if you can muster.
And read scripture if you feel so inspired, but don’t think that doing so is a surefire way to learning how to know God. God will teach you in his way. This I believe.
You get out of it gradually.
I used to be such a sinner. There was not an instant where I didn’t sin with my actions or thoughts.
I used to get so depressed. I withdrew from society became a hermit. Didn’t smile for years. Didn’t get excited about anything, viewed humanity as a waste… etc…
I started slowly to say no to sin and begun to disciplined myself. Very gradually. I still do. Everyday I battle with this. Then it got easier for me.
I also say the lord’s prayer as soon as I wake up before I get up and ask God to help me not sin for that day.
It is satan who is making you suffer maybe. He dwells on our suffering.
I would say the Lord’s prayer every morning and ask God to help me that day. Then you need to start loving yourself a little more. And loving yourself does not mean you need to sin. It means that you will use your will not to sin. Or at least try.
And whatever you do, don’t ever ever ever give up. Giving up is giving your soul to the devil.
I don’t mean to be crude or unrealistic, but in society today we tend to avoid talking about the burden we have as a human race. The burden of satan.
I remember thinking of committing suicide. Then later I realized that it was satan tempting me to commit suicide because I was sinning so much that he thought he had gain my soul.
So don’t ever ever ever give up.
Thanks guys this has helped a bit. Just pray for me please, I really need it.
Oh, BrokenInside … If only you knew how God loves you!
Jesus to St Margaret-Mary Alacoque -
**“Behold this Heart which has loved men so much that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting and consuming itself in order to testify to them it’s love.” **
Sacred Heart Image (St Margaret-Mary Alacoque)
Jesus to St. Faustina -
"My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy, graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy, and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain…" (Diary, 1777).
"O soul steeped in darkness, do not despair. All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy…My child, listen to the voice of your merciful Father" (Diary, 1486).
"My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy" (Diary, 1485).
"My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy. Proclaim that mercy is the greatest attribute of God. All the works of My hands are crowned with mercy" (Diary, 300-301).
The Divine Mercy Image (St. Faustina)
Jesus to St. Faustina -
"My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces." (Diary, 367).
**“From all My wounds, like from streams, mercy flows for souls, but the wound in My Heart is the fountain of unfathomable mercy. From this fountain spring all graces for souls. The flames of compassion burn Me. I desire greatly to pour them out upon souls” **(Diary, 1190).
"Oh, if sinners knew My mercy, they would not perish in such great numbers. Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy" (Diary, 1396).
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Oh BrokenInside, do not despair, this only scratches the surface of God’s love for us, there is no need to despair when we are loved so infinitely much.
Jesus to Blessed Maria Pierina De Micheli
**“If you knew how I love you, you would die from joy.” **
Catalina’s writings - loveandmercy.org/english-books/ (Please don’t be shy to read them, what I have quoted here only scratches the surface of the enormous wealth found in them, they are free to read and download online and you can alos purchase hard copies for the cost of printing and shipping).
For more information on Catalina’s writings, please read the following - youshallbelieve.com/A-plea-to-humanity.pdf
Diary of St. Faustina - thedivinemercy.org/message/
God Bless you BrokenInside, there is no longer any need to be broken.
Jesus to St Faustina -
**“Were a soul like a decaying corpse so that from a human standpoint, there would be no [hope of] restoration and everything would already be lost, it is not so with God. The miracle of Divine Mercy restores that soul in full.” **(Diary, 1448).
Jesus to Catalina -
**Who will refuse to recognise the fire of love in my Heart? Who will deny Me that soul for whom I suffered so much here on earth? **
Thank you for reading
I have lived this and still at times do. I have been told that I am never alone. It only feels that way. It is a very lonely place to be. Please don’t isolate yourself. I was also told many times that despair is what the bad guy wants. Ehpisians 6 has helped me at times. Also, prayer, Mass attendance regularly, eucharistic adoration. confession weekly, and trying the best I possibly can to not beat myself up and isolate myself. Sometimes I have to live by the 10 minute rule. just stay in the moment the best I can. I try to listen to traditional Holy music and then strangly it sometimes leads my to very inspiring Homilies and sermons. There are Crisi lines available if you are depressed. Just someone to speak to. I am very Blessed. I will Pray for you. Please don’t lose hope. God Bless You! You came this far and wrote on the board…
It IS God who speaks through your conscience. Find a traditional priest to be your spiritual director and to hear your confession, etc., he’ll be able to help you. Keep reading your Bible and read books written by the saints, so God can speak to you. Avoid near occasions of sin and practice custody of the senses. Do good and avoid evil. Seek first God’s kingdom and virtue (his justice) and all that you need will be given to you. God bless you.
Your profile did not say you are a Catholic. If not, you still can find a priest and talk to him. You can also find a RCIA program to join, to understand Catholicism and start your conversion process. Our hearts can not rest unless we rest in God. A good RCIA program is a learning and supportive community where you’ll find spiritual companions on your journey. Surround by like minded people could reduce your lonelyness. Usually a priest is the spiritual director for the RCIA group and it is easier to make an appointment to talk.
I have prayed for you and my prayers will continue.
Thank you all, No I am not Catholic. I believe in God and trust him. I grew up Baptist, and I heard a lot of things about the Catholic Church that I have found to be untrue. I just don’t get why there is so much division. I knew people in the Baptist churches that really loved God, yet some of them filled my head with lies about the Catholic Church, I think it may have been out of ignorance. I almost joined The Church a couple years ago, but I fell away. This is something that maybe I just need to do.
Praying for you right now!!!
“I know he is willing to forgive. But I feel I am beyond forgiveness. I fall into sin all the time, I live in sin for crying out loud. I want to exit it. I want to be free of it. I want the things of God. I want to help people. I just am so broken. I need help.”
God is only offended at your sins because it wounds you and others. He is NOT angry at you but at the suffering you have to go through. He is totally for us. We are all sinners and we are all limping with our sins. Its important that we try to living without sin with everything we got but when we fall we should go straight to Jesus so he can take away our sins.
I was once in the confessional with the priest and after the confession ended he said “Jesus loves you go in peace.” I thought (to myself) “well duh he does.” But then it sunk in. Jesus is there for us and not at us. He wants us to be healed. There is no part of disapproval in Jesus. He is simply love.