As usual, I will start my post by saying ‘please no one suggest counscelling’
I have been very stressed lately with a good friend in the hospital who is 94 and appears to be dying yet still holds on. Then I find out a relative is in the hospital and this is a person who has NEVER missed a Sunday mass in his life, yet misses the whole point of God’s love. I have always had a big concern for his salvation since he is so bitter towards God and secretly always hoped he would have a conversion in his heart. Well… I don’t think this person is going to die anytime soon but he is 77 and has so many health problems he is starting to wish he could go. I have started to pray for him since if he does die, as selfish as this sounds, I think it would be easier on me if I knew he finally understood God’s love while still in this life
And to top it off, work has been crazy busy. My manager has asked me to take on some of her work and I have agreed because I am trying to be a good team player. The problem is, I never did her work before and have a lot of questions. It is VERY frustrating because she does not have time to give me clear directions which makes for a lot of misunderstandings. She is a good boss and understanding. It is no ones fault, just one of those things. And I thank God because I do believe He has given me strenght to handle it pretty well (considering how I usually handle things)
Well… I have been trying really hard to be a good Catholic to everyone lately. But I have been worn out and in need of attention. There is one man at work who is a christian (not Catholic) whose shoulder I have cried over the years. He is a good man (At least I though so until 2 days ago)
He is always cracking jokes. I will be crying n his shoulder and he will crack at joke. Well, 2 days ago, I needed attention and asked him if he had time to talk. He said no. Well later that day I saw him talking and joking with someone else. I though I was making a funny joke and walked over to his desk and said ‘Hey I though you didn’t have time to talk and joke’. And he said ‘Maybe it was worked related’ and I walk away and said ‘just go back to work’. I was joking in a manner that I often joke like with him.
Well, yesterday when I got into work, our eyes met and he said ‘CM, I need to talk to you’. I got so happy because I though he was going to come over and say ‘I have time to hear you now’. Like he often does. Then he just hurried away and went to talk to a big boss. So then I said to myself, ‘I probably misunderstood, he probably said ‘I can’t talk now’’.
3 minutes later, he sits at my on my desk and says in a VERY angry tone of voice ‘The way you talked to me yesterday really upset me. Out of all the people here I spend the most time talking to you and I have a lot of things to fisnish before I go on vacation in 2 days and you are just going to have to accept that I am not always available to talk’
Well, I got tears in my eyes and told him I was sorry and I was glad he came to me because that showed a certain level of trust. I then told him that if he is always going to make jokes, then jokes are going to come back to him and I was sorry that my joke came out the wrong way but he set the precedent that jokes are OK. Then he asked me to clear up what I meant so I said that when I talk about serious stuff with him, he will out of the blue make a joke so how am I suppose to know there are times when jokes are not funny.
But the worst is, he didnt pull me aside to tell me in private, he did it right at my desk for anyone who walked by to see. And he had SOOO much anger in his voice which is REALLY uncharacteristic of him. I went to the washroom and cried for half an hour. I was about to tell everyone I was going to go home. I prayed to God for strenght. I eventually went back to my desk. As obvious as it was that I had been crying no one said a thing. And I thank God that after 2 hours I finally got my head into work and head a productive day.
But it hurts because the night before, I talked on the phone to the relative in the hospital and he kept saying to me ‘I told the doctor cure me or kill me but don’t keep me here if you don’t know what is wrong with me’. And it HURTS to hear someone talk like that. And I was going into work really low because of that conversation the night before. And the first thing that happens is someone bites my head off. Ouch
And the worst is, I ALWAYS ask him if it is a good time to talk before saying anything and he just barges into my office and bites my head off without asking me if it was a good time and without having the decency to do it in private.
I have not spoken to him since and now he is on vacation. The reality is, I have almost made my mind up that if he doesn’t bring it up again neither will I. The truth is, he has been a good co-worker for over 4 years and this is REALLY uncharacteristic of him so I want to just let it go.
But man, the humiliation !